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Try Kauai. Seriously, this place has all of the things that you've described. It's a very relaxed island. You can go snorkeling, zip lining, surfing, sky diving, or you can just relax on the beach and read a book. It's not very touristy at all. It's more relaxed and calm. Very garden-like and easy!! I love Kauai!!
I suggest Oahu! You have the Waikiki Beach area with the urban feel at night and then you have Diamond Head and Hanuma Bay (perfect for snorkeling) nearby. You could also rent a car one day and drive around the entire island, this is fun, you can stop at any beaches that look too pretty to pass up! You should also see the N. Shore. There is a lot to do on Oahu.
I've only been to the Big Island and loved it!
I stayed at a resort and was suprised to find that I really liked it. It really managed to keep the local character, plus it had a sheltered lagoon for swimming where sea turtles and fish swam in. This was especially great when all the beaches were closed because of high tide, the sheltered lagoon let us still enjoy the ocean and marine life.
There's so much in all of Hawaii, that anywhere you go you can experience some of the local culture. There are farmer's markets and all kinds of parks and beaches (no one other than the state can own the beach in Hawaii!).
I agree with Adnama54. My FH & I are going there for our honeymoon. At first we did not really want to go because it's cliche I guess. But my mom reminded me that it's that way for a reason.
We bought this awesome guide book (called O'ahu Revealed by Andrew Doughty, 3rd Edition) and it has a really helpful website to use while picking out hotels: http://www.wizardpub.com/oahu/oahaerials.html
Maybe just look over the website/ book and think about it? You might have a really wonderful time and your FH will be happy that you wanted to experience it with him.
The 4 main islands that most people visit are Oahu, Maui, Kauai, & the Big Island. The less visited island of Molokai might be what you're looking for. The island's tag line is "Hawaiian by Nature." Its not an area that is dependent on tourism (like the Waikiki Beach area on Oahu), so accommodations are few and far between. I'm not knocking the other islands at all! Each one is very beautiful and offers unique experiences, but you sound like a person who might find Molokai intriguing.
Check out the website VRBO. It's a website for vacation rentals by owner. There is some great prices and some awesome places to travel to. I've used it and love it!! There are homes and condos available anywhere in the world, and since these people have spent a lot of time in their homes they know where to go that's off the beaten path. My SO and I like to travel like that too so i totally understand wanting a little of both worlds.
I looooved Kauai. Kauai Revealed is a great book (same author as O'ahu Revealed). We stayed at the Point at Poipu. Cute beach side timeshare. You don't get your own hut or home, its def more hotel style, but it wasn't crowded and I maybe saw 2 or 3 other groups of people at any given time coming and going. There Waimea canyon, great snorkelling, and that guidebook tells you how go trek down to the bottom of Wailua Falls... definately not well travelled and signs everywhere saying KEEP out. The short adventure down and the amazing view was breathtaking tho.
Big Island is great too and has lots of good avenutures like the hike aross the crater in Volcanos Park, but its... big. Lots of driving. Kauai would definately be more relaxing. That was favorite of O'ahu, Maui, and Big Island.
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So we had our Honeymoon all planned... and then when we went to make our reservations the hotel was booked for half our stay so we are back to the drawing board with only 3 months to go.
My fiance and I are very different travelers... I have backpacked all over the third world and he loves hotels and planning. So when our quiet off the beaten track Bahams vacation fell through my fiance really stood on the Hawaii idea as he had been there and loved it and I have never been.
But we have to make both of us happy in this. We don't want an 'adventure' honeymoon as we will be exhausted when we get there and will hit the ground running with a new house when we get back. So we are looking for something that is very relaxed that we can decided to venture out if we want to or just sit on the beach and read a book.
I am not a resort person. The place in the Bahamas was a grouping of little cabanas and had a very local feel to it. I will not be happy staying in one of the all inclusive or do everything for you resorts... It is just not how I work.
Please anyone who has suggestions of where to go or stay I would love to hear them. I know that my FI is excited about going back to Hawaii but I am really not looking forward to it from the stuff I have seen.