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How old is this dog? Sounds like it's time for some training classes!
As for spanking the dog, spanking a dog doesn't work to discipline them as far as I know. I would suggest getting a dog training for dummies book or something and work together with your BF on this.
As for the shedding, since you're allergic, he should be responsible for brushing the dog.
And as for the plate thing, that's disgusting and I would shut that down immediately ;o) I've had dogs for most of my life and not only is it bad for dogs to have "people" food, but that's just gross and ridiculous.
Clearly you are not a dog person and FI is. This is actually an issue because a dog person doesn't want to hear any of it from a non-dog person - especially if he is the type that never trained his dog because he didn't want to yell at him/her. Sounds like the dog had the run of the house until you showed up and now he/she is getting less attention and acting out. Dogs are like children in that way. They most definitely do spiteful things when they feel neglected or wronged, although their consciousness of what they are doing is not as it would be in a human. I think you need to have a serious chat with your man about the dog situation. I mean, the nipping at the heels thing is very bad and potentially dangerous (think: small child) and he really needs to train him not to do that anymore. The plate licking - OK, I get it, they were your grandmother's plates, but you do wash your plates after you eat off them, right? You're overreacting there. That's just a dog person thing. They get to lick our plates. It's NOT a big deal. The nipping at the heels is not OK, though, and your man needs to handle that situation. He also needs to groom his dog. It's healthier for you, being allergic to the hair, and also it keeps the dog's coat healthier to have regular grooming. Basically I would say to him look, if you are going to be a dog owner, you have to be a RESPONSIBLE dog owner.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. How old is the dog? It sounds like he definitely needs a doggy training class or some serious training work at home. Punishing him without providing a better option (i.e. he's biting you, instead of maybe a favorite toy that only comes out when you guys are ready to leave) is clearly not working, and your fiance needs to see this.
Since he's not listening to you, I'd find someone neutral or in an authority position (your vet? an article from a dog training magazine? a dog trainer themselves?) to inform him of how by not training the dog and setting some guidelines is bad for everyone involved.
You definitely DO NOT need to suck it up. Maybe you can buy the dog some doggy class lessons for Christmas, and it can be a fun outing for all of you? Dogs like to please, but the majority of them need to be shown how to do the right thing.
I have a dog and I love dogs. And I have allergies. He needs to use a FURminator (as seen on TV product that works and is now sold at PetsMart, etc). The FURminator will get lots of the hair off the dog (this is done outside). BF also needs to keep the floors clean and keep the dog out of the bed.
Any vet will tell you that dogs should not eat table scraps. It is not healthy at all.
The dog needs obedience classes and you and your BF need to go too. That way the dog will see you both as an authority figures.
Well first let me say i have a dog and yes she is spoiled! She sleeps in the bed, has her toys, gets her scraps every now and then.
The bed- Our dog jumps in the bed anytime one of us gets out of the bed. She loves to cuddle up. So sometimes it is my side other's his side. We don't mind when it is those days we are sleeping in late but we dont' allow this all night. I got a dog house and put it in the corner of the room with a nice cushy pillow. She now sleeps in it until it is about an hour before she knows the alarm clock will go off.
The biting at ankles- My dog is a herder by breed. So when you walk through the rooms she will nip at you. She mostly does this when she has been home alone all day and hasn't burnt up a lot of energy. So start taking the dog for a jog when you get home! This will help you get into bride body shape too!
The eating out of the bowl- I agree this is gross. Talk to your BF and tell him you don't mind the dog getting scraps but can he put them in the dog bowl. The dog won't care what bowl he eats from.
Also, when we first got the dog we had all these rules and the more she was around the more we became less strict as parents and the more she's become like family! Give it sometime and remember: discipline starts with excersise, then food then love. Read the Dog Whisper's site and he explains why.
Eww, luckily our dog is an outdoor dog. His dog used to do the biting of the ankles and shins too until I beat him to the punch and whipped my foot up so it hit him in the nose when he'd do it (okay that sounds mean, but it wasn't like I socked him - just surprised him). Now he doesn't do it anymore. He used to jump all over my car when I drove into the garage and he scraped the paint job on my car all up. So for a while I'd start yelling at him and open the door immediately until now he stops. I agree with the dog training, he and your FI probably need it. I know that people love their fur babies, but I think the human relationships are more important.
Yeah, those are some really good ideas.... I think i need to make it a point to make sure we go to the park EVERYDAY not twice a week because he has so much energy, even though he is 8, or maybe 9 im not 100% on that.
Next time we are leaving the house I am going to try the toy thing and maybe he wont bite us. My bf thinks its natural for him to do it because he is a herding dog and that what they do apparently, but it hurts! lol
Thanks for not judging me ladies, this is a tough situation lol
Hahaha I guess I'm the only gross one that lets the dog lick my plate clean :) In my mind it's like, well now I don't have to pre-rinse and I'm conserving water. I'm being green. I'm happy, the dog is happy, and the earth is happy.
Oh forgot to mention. The shedding thing. Look up the breed of the dog and find out when they blow their coats. For example, my dog is once a year some are more often. When I notice more shedding that's when I do more brushing and bathing. I found this shampoo at Pet Smart that helps with the shedding. I use that too when she blows her coat. It helps out a lot. I also bought a Roomba and it has a timer and runs around the house helping to collect the dog hair. I sweep/mop/vacuum to but this helps us out a lot. The dog also stays outside during the day while we are at work.
Good luck!
The dog sharing your dishes is really unsanitary and can lead to a lot of stomach illnesses. That has to stop, no matter what your BF wants to do about training. And the biting thing is dangerous! I'd say the dog needs to be trained (again? for the first time?)... but frankly, so does your BF!
@kitty- nope the FI has been known to let the dog lick his bowl after he has icecream. He does this in secret but they've been caught! Haha
@honeybear- If the dog is a herder then the nipping at the heels is natural. But I do notice that if we excersie Sadie more she does it less. Also she tends to nip at heels more when we get all excited or mad. So if I just keep walking and going about my biz she stops and does something else. She loves her rubber chicken toys so I will often yell "Get Chicken" to distract her from the biting.
@Kittyachi My parents let their dog do that and it never bothered me, but everyone has different things that bug them, and Dog Tongue on People Plates bothers some people :)
This is just a crappy situation. But don't fear, it is never too late to teach a dog. One thing you need to do is talk to your BF. Tell him that you can't handel the biting and the furry bed and something needs to be done. And he needs to help.
For the shedding issue, I would seriously consider getting a FURmanator. You have probably seen them on TV, and OMG they work!!! We have a boxer and who would think that a short haird dog like that would need it, but I have seen some major improvments from using it reqularly.
Ankle Bitter...I would also try the toy thing. We raise our dog with the idea that he should NEVER bite a person, play or not. We don't want him to get the idea that it is ok to bit skin and know the feeling and associate it with play and then bite a kid and hirt them on accident when the dog is just thinking he is playing like normal. We scold and crate him for misbehaving. Not for long in the crate, because we dont want him to think that is a place of punishment... Its like grounding our kid really, but he will go there on his own to sleep and such. If the toys dont work you should try some "Bitter Yuck" spray some on your ankles and then he will get the taste in his mouth when he trys to bite you... This is good for ANYTHING, its water based so it wont stain... All my collecables that are doggy height are doused in it and he has learned to just leave the "nasty" things alone...
I hope you have some better luck. You may also talk to a trainer and get some suggestions. They go to school for it so they should have some ideas.
Agreed with everything above---this dog desperately needs training. Most of this can be corrected with the help of a good trainer. The biting and nipping in particular is a BIG problem---that's puppy behavior that should be trained out when the dog is young, but it sounds like there wasn't much training involved here. Especially for herding dogs, that's important to do, both because they want jobs to do (they do best in environments where they have tasks) and because it's annoying when they nip you, but it can be a legal issue if they nip someone's three-year-old, which is one of the biggest reasons border collies and other herding dogs end up back with one of our local rescue groups---they try to "herd" kids with the biting. (And it is natural for them to want to herd, but how they do it can be influenced by training.)
Some dogs (mine included) also shed more depending on what kind of food they're eating, so it's worth making sure the food is a good fit. (If it's not, the dog will likely have other problems---gas, rubbing eyes, licking paws obsessively, or coarse fur---that are clues to a food issue or allergy.) Sounds like this is probably a shepherd or collie of some sort, though, and some of them just shed like it's their job, even when they're in great health. A good vacuum cleaner helps! We have a strict no-bedroom rule, too. The key there is to be really consistent with it---no exceptions for special occasions, etc. (After a few years, our dog is so good about it that when we have guests over and their dogs charge ahead into the bedroom, he stands at the threshold and cries....but that took a lot of training and reinforcing with treats.)
And last but not least---it's entirely possible that your read on the situation is right and the dog *does* resent you! You're changing his norm, and he's not used to sharing your BF with you all the time. The good part is that it's relatively easy to win over dogs (as opposed to, say, resentful children!)---but you should talk with your BF candidly about it. The rules need to be the same with both of you, or the dog will clue in and completely walk all over you. For a while, see if you can feed the dog instead of your BF (I know, irritating since it's not your dog, but being the food-giver reinforces you as a "master" in the house). If the dog knows any commands or tricks, ask him to do them and then give him a treat (even if it means he does the same one command over and over---you're just reinforcing that he does what you tell him, and then he gets rewarded; it doesn't really matter what it is that he's doing). If you're going through a doorway, you and BF go first, then the dog. It sounds weird, but dogs are pack animals and your household is the pack---and he needs to know that even though you're new, you are higher in the pack than he is.
I'd strongly suggest that you take a training class together with the dog. It will help you to be able to ask a trainer questions with your BF there so you can both get answers from a trusted source, and you may begin to understand/like the dog better too when you spend time with him in a more controlled environment. (Plus, it may help BF understand that some of these behaviors are big problems when he hears it from a trainer.) Herding dogs are usually super trainable, which makes classes with them pretty fun, too.
Good luck!
Wow oakster! Thanks so much for the response. I know something needs to be done, even though the dog is not a puppy. He is a blue heeler and he was actually kicked out of obedience school when he was 1 because he attacked the trainer.
Soooo yeah, hopefully we will be able to get through to him because having this stress everyday is getting really old. I try really hard not to let it bother me but there is only so much I can ignore it.
i just want to let you know that i kind of understand your situation. not entirely though, luckily my fi is all about dicipline! but when i moved in with him, his dog didn't seem too happy about the change. he would make all sorts of messes and go crazy. he's still jealous when we show affection towards each other, when i go to hug him our dog comes over and barks at us because he wants in. poor thing had my fi to himself all those years and then i come in and now he has to share. but like i said, my fi was not having any of the crap and strongly believes in training, i highly suggest showing the dog who's boss because you don't want to live like that, it's just not fair to you. i agree with the others, eating off people plates is gross, and just not right especially if it's your special plates. we don't feed people food at all because it's not good for the dog, and i like it because he never begs.
Oh, wow, we almost adopted a blue heeler pup when we were looking---the boy had his heart set on getting one in particular, but we finally decided it wasn't a good plan since we both work and also live in a city with a tiny yard. They can be very sweet---but definitely are in the "lots of training needed!" category. (The one we looked at was with a rescue group for Australian cattle dogs that is frequently having to place them in new homes due to issues like the ones you described, though---they even wanted a commitment that we weren't planning to have a kid in the first few years, since new babies are a big reason the dogs come back---so you're definitely not alone! The big things they stressed were exercise, exercise, exercise, and making sure your dog has lots of jobs to do throughout the day, since they're a working breed---bring his bowl somewhere, bring his leash somewhere, etc.)
I'd try two things: first, you might be able to find a private trainer. It's a little expensive, but might be worth it if it gave you both a starting point for solving the problems. (You could also try other training programs first, too, explaining what the issue was the first time around---our local humane society has a special class for dogs with histories of problems in group settings, for instance, where there are smaller groups and more seasoned trainers leading the class.)
The second thing is to see if there's a rescue group or other breed group in your area, and connect with them. They might be able to offer some breed-specific advice and suggestions---or connect you with other owners near you who can share strategies.
(And I'll admit that we are guilty of letting our dog lick the dinner plates---but never, ever at the table or in the dining room, since that just reinforces the begging. He gets them at the kitchen sink after he does something for them....and then they get washed with hot soapy water, so I don't worry about it too much. BUT we have crappy Ikea plates, and I definitely say if they are special plates or even if it just makes you uncomfortable, it should stop.)
Keep in mind that I'm a dog person (big time)!
I agree with the training classes. If nothing else it is for you as his new human. Dogs need consistency and a leader. Sounds like your BF and the dog are more on an equal level rather than pack leader and pack. You and BF need to learn how to be his pack leaders. All will be happier with the situation.
You need to find a really good trainer, maybe even some one on one classes to teach you and BF the basics. Maybe start by reading some of the advice by well-known dog trainers so you can get a basic idea of what you'll need to do. Here's a link to my trainer's site:
http://ahimsadogtraining.com/blog/
Also is the dog neutered? Unaltered males can be more aggressive and stubborn than other dogs... (though Catch the Wonderdog, my dog, is unaltered and is a total gem!)
Looks like you are going to have to become a bit of a dog person to get through this... but once you gain control, the rewards are immeasurable!
Hope this helps.
You can learn a LOT about dogs by watching the Dog Whisperer! He says what every dog needs is three things: exercise, discipline, and affection (in that order).
Dogs absolutely need a daily walk to burn off all that energy... if you don't walk them, all sorts of problems emerge. But there's a huge side benefit: if you start walking the dog on your own btw, he will LOVE you! It's a great way to turn around a relationship with a dog. :-)
And once your bf sees that you're taking care of his dog, he will be much more open to you co-parenting him!
Btw I used to breed dogs, and they should not eat off your plate. YMMV but all my research showed that dogs shouldn't eat human food at all. After a while, they learn not to beg even!
Good luck!!
I just want to add a note to those who are saying people food itsn't good for dogs:
Its partially true/partially not true. If you are feeding your dogs chicken, beef, lamb, and vegetables then it is good for them! (As long as YOU are keeping a healthy diet your dog is too, just avoid the things that are poisonousto them). Look at the ingredients in their dry dog food and you will notice all of that is in their food, plus a bunch of preservitives and other "fillers." My grandmother used to cook chicken and vegetables for all her dogs every night and they lived 15-18 years each! The catch is you have to balance the extra food in their diet by not feeding them quite as much dry food.
Of course, ice cream, chips, and other unhealthy snacks (along with chocolate, grapes, and onions) are big no-nos :)
Just my two cents!
Oh I agree, food isn't inherently dog food or people food... it's just food. Raw diets prepared by an owner (raw meat and pulverized vegetables) are often much healthier for your dog than dog food.
My only comment is that a dog should not eat off of your plate and not regularly eat food that is prepared or meant for humans. Chocolate, grapes and onions are all no-nos as you mentioned... but fish bones can also kill dogs too, if they get caught in the throat or stomach.
If you're familiar with dangerous foods for dogs, then by all means you can feed a dog whatever you would like! But for reasons involving discipline, it's generally not good to feed a dog table scraps. That leads to begging and it may create discipline issues that crop up elsewhere in the day to day of a dog's life.
I would actually recommend going to a certified animal behaviorist. Your local vet school should have one, or be able to point you in the right direction. I have found their advice to be much more applicable when dealing with my problem dog, as the Dog Whisperer methods didn't work and kind of seemed to make her worse, actually. Current research all points towards positive reinforcement being more effective than punishment anyway.
My poodle resented my fiance when he started hanging out more often and "dog and mommy" time turned into "mommy is hanging out with someone else" time, but we made sure he gave her lots of attention and he even went with us to her obedience classes a few times. Now she is almost as excited to see him as she is to see me, and it worked out really well. I hope it works out well for you too.
This isn't entirely relevant, but I really don't think you should give a dog salad. Regardless of what you serve it to him on.
lol @jocelyn- that literally made me laugh out loud! I totally agree hehe
He finally stopped eating the crotch out of my underwear after i beat him with them lol of course it didnt hurt him, but i think it did something emotionally lol.
thanks for all the supportive comments guys, yall are the best!
So sorry that your having problems with the dog... the thing that concerns me the most is the fact that the dog is actually biting your heels. I have three dogs, two of which are herding breeds and even though they do sometimes try to herd me, they would never actually bite me. You need to assert yourself as the pack leader otherwise she will take full advantage of you. I second Mr Bee's suggestion of watching a little Ceaser Milan and definitely go do some obedience training.
With the eating off the plate issue, that sounds like more of a communication problem with your SO. I personally let the dogs lick the plates clean... but they go straight into the dishwasher afterwards and none of the dishes have sentimental value.
I've never had allergies so I don't have any real suggestions, other than your bf needs to help clean up the house and not let dog hair accumulate. Good luck!
Hey there again. Saide is a Red Heeler so same as your Blue only with Red markings. These dogs are very trainable and very smart. You really have to find things to keep them busy. I give Sadie lots of treats for doing her job good. She also gets a raw-hide chewy when I don't have time to walk/run her for the day. This keeps her busy for quite some thime.
She is the best dog that I've ever had. I've had dogs all my life. She loves car rides too. So sometimes I do that when the weather is bad instead of walks.
Again read up on the Dog Whisper. He says you have to excersie them first before anything else. Then when you get home from walking then you give them food. You have to make them sit first before you put the bowl of food down. Then you can give the dog love.
We rescued Sadie about a year 1/2 ago. She has totally broken all bad habits and adjusted to us and vice versa.
Just to clarify, my issue with feeding a dog salad is just that most non-dog food turns my dog into gaseous weapon of mass destruction. We train him with cheese and chicken and give him peanut butter in a Kong to keep him busy. But we always pay for it later. Salad, frankly, seems dangerous!
It must be very hard to suddenly start living with a pet that you had no control over raising. What you really need to do is sit down with your FI and have a serious talk. Let him know that you are compromising by welcoming his dog into the house and you had to change but he also needs to compromise by helping to train the dog and make it a better place for all of you. Buy the dog a furminator like Texasmerideth said and let your FI know he needs to brush him. Also, offer to help with this so you can show you are not just complaining but want the dog to be more comfortable as well.
Also, get the dog his own bowl for any scraps you care to feed him. That way you wont have any problems with your grandma's plates and the FI still gets to feed him. You need to make sure that your FI is also in on disciplining the dog about the biting or the dog will not learn. It has to be enforced by both of you. Sorry to keep going on about this but I had the same problem.
Here's a good site for people food that can cause problems for canines: http://tinyurl.com/foodfordogs
A lot of people are aware of things like raisins and chocolate, but others---cooked bones, for instance, which are a big no-no because they can splinter---sometimes catch owners by surprise.
The key with table scraps (or any people food) is to be aware of what you're eating and what, if any, of that is safe for your dog to have. Our dog loves some salad veggies, though he typically gets them raw in his bowl while the salad is being prepared. (He's especially fond of carrot tops, kale, and cabbage, for some reason---which is good because we get a lot of that in our farm box this time of year!)
Provided you're cognizant of what you're feeding, it's okay to give acceptable vegetables or other foods to your dog in moderation. Our dog actually has a lot of food allergies, which means (bizarrely) that he ends up with more people food than dog food, because it's hard to find affordable dog treats that don't have corn or wheat in them. (Our trainer recommended baby carrots, which he adores, and which are a LOT cheaper than the grain-free dog treats!) We also get unsalted peanut butter for him, also popular and good for kongs.
But, like others said, all of this is separate from the behavior factor in feeding table scraps. Our rule is that any feeding of the dog (his meals or otherwise) happens in the kitchen, which seems to work pretty well for us---but we also don't eat in the kitchen ourselves, so there's a clear line. He also doesn't get freebies; even if something falls on the floor, he has to wait until we've asked him to "find it" before he can grab it. (I thought this was silly when our training class taught it, but now completely see why it's important!) It's basically all a giant power game, and the key is not to let the dog win! ;)
Our dog will nip at our feet and hands because he is a "herding" breed dog, and although he is much better at it now then when we adopted him, he still does it if he has a lot of energy. He also bites (nibbles actually) us for fun. We've tried to get rid of it, to no avail! So this might just be something that is part of the dog's breed, not something malicious.
Oh HoneyBear, you have my full sympathy. I too moved in with my bf and his dog. Gahhhh. His dog is a little terror.
All of the above advice is really great but one thing sticks out as what helped me most. Taking the dog for walks. She loved it and it got some energy out of her, which was most of the problem. And on the walks, I had control so she started to see me as another master.
I really hope things get better soon! It was really frustrating for me and still is a bit frustrating somedays. But hang in there! It really will get better. :)
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OK, so this is going to sound like I am complaining and like a total b*tch, but maybe I am.
I really just need to vent, because I dont know how much more of this I can take!
When my bf and I moved in together, I knew his fur baby would come with him and I was ok with that. I knew that BF spoiled him, but I had no idea how bad it was until we moved in together.
This may sound really stupid but I feel like this dog hates me too lol. It's almost like "i took his spot" and he does things that I tend to think are not unintentional. First of all, before we lived together he let his dog sleep next to him in bed. Now that we live together he doesn't fit in our bed because he is a medium-large dog. Soooooo, when BF and I are at work the dog jumps on the bed and lays in my spot on my pillow and gets his hair everywhere on MY side of the bed! This is how I found out I was allergic to his hair. We solved this by closing our door before we leave. (easy enough)
This leads to another problem. This dog sheds like crazy and BF doesn't comb him out enough so his hair is everywhere in our house. Like literally little tumbleweeds of dog hair travel through our house.
Then, every time we are getting ready to leave somewhere he bites at the back of our heels and my heels are totally bitten up and nasty. He has no discipline whatsoever! Even if you tell him no, or try to spank him, he thinks you are playing and will bite you harder. I really hope I dont get scars on the back of my shins and heels from him, that would really suck.
The thing that sent me over the edge was yesterday when BF and I were eating salads for dinner and when he was done he put the plate down on the floor and let him lick and eat the rest of the salad that was left. The reason this upset me so much was because we were using a plate set that my grandmother had given to me when I first started college and it has sentimental value since she died a couple years ago. Also, I dont want nasty dog slobber on plates that we eat off of regularly (sorry if any of yall do that)
So in conclusion, I don't know how much of this I can take. This dog is a terror and BF does NOTHING to discipline him. It's like he feels bad if he yells at him or something, I just dont get it, he's a dog! he needs discipline! I have tried to discipline him myself but BF always makes me feel guilty about doing it. Sorry this has gotten so long and thanks for anyone who made it through to the end, but I'm just lost as to what I should do. Am i just supposed to suck it up and deal with it???? ugh.