(Closed) offended by BM lack of interest (sorry long)

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think anyone will be able to keep up enthusiasm for 17 months. I doubt they feel any sense of urgency, if you can remember that no one is going to be as interested as you you won’t be disappointed!

Post # 4
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yes, you’re being a little anxious. You really shouldn’t be insisting they get involved this early unless you absolutely must. You can’t very well ask Bridesmaid or Best Man1 knowing her last minute ways and graduation plans then expect her to be all about your wedding which is over a year away.


Post # 5
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Your wedding is really far away. What appointments are you trying to do? If you’re trying to get your bridesmaids to do a year+ of DIYs with you, I think you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. What are your “plans” for your bridesmaids responsibilities? I’m not saying this to come across as harsh, but nobody’s going to be as concerned about your wedding as you are. I never have been involved in planning sessions, and I would be a little concerned about what sort of time commitment the bride was asking for.

Post # 6
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yeah 17 months is a long time. I won’t tell you that you have plenty of time because that is something that pissed me off when I was over a year away. You should realize that people are going to get more excited when it gets closer. Also your behavior with bridesmaid number four doesn’t seem nice, she told you she stressed and yet you keep accusing her of things, and then she has to apolgize what is the point of that cycle? If she said she not looking down on you, perhaps you should let it go.

Everyone busy yes, but they should get back to you about doing at least one meeting before MOh sister leaves.

Post # 7
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yeah I think you are jumping the gun. There is nothing you need to be doing this far in advance that requires them. Really even asking your bridal party to be in your wedding so far out is generally a no-no. Just relax, you are going to burn yoursef, and them, out if you are already chomping at the bit this early in the game. You have tons of time and by being on WB you should know that this is typical. I’d wrap your head around the idea that you may be doing things alone or without everyone because it is rare to have an entire bridal party participate fully for everything up to the bride’s standards. It’s just not going to happen. Not saying it’s right/fair/good/easy… it just is what it is. I’d maybe take down what you expect out of people 17 months before your wedding down a bit and you might have less disapointment in the long run. 

Post # 8
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your wedding is a year and a half away. What responsibilities could a bridesmaid possibly have that early?! Regardless, bridesmaids don’t have a ton of stuff to plan anyway – it’s not as though they should be considering how a bachelorette party that is a year and three months away figures into their plans…

Nobody will care as much as you about your wedding. It isn’t about them. This is about you and your fiance enjoying the process.

Post # 9
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

To be completely honest Im shocked you already asked your bridesmaids this far out.  You’re really, really jumping the gun. 

Post # 10
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m probably the odd one out, but I think the only duty of a Bridesmaid or Best Man is standing beside you on your day. They don’t have to be at a brides beck and call,  plan with you or make things for your wedding or do other jobs although I understand sharing planning with them is nice. 

You need to relax a bit. They all have lives too. You will definitely not enjoy your engagement and the planning if you’re upset and this so early.

Post # 11
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No one will ever find your wedding as important as yours.mthe reason (or one of the reasons) your bridesmaids are not super excited is because you are 17 months out.

1. Maid/Matron of Honor: my sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. She was in Australia when I got engaged. She has been away at school all year, she is a senior in college. She has told me to let her know if I need wedding help certain wedding things she said she could come home and help. I told her to focus on school and her senior year. What things does she need to focus on? If she chooses (and yes it’s a choice) to throw a shower or bachelorette, it won’t take a year.

2. The problem you have with Bridesmaid or Best Man2 seems to be the opposite. Appreciate it! She is enthusiastic and wants to b involved? Who cares if she does not like other bridesmaids? Presumably you knew that before you asked her.

3. Are you asking number 3 to only do wedding stuff, or are you just wanting to hang out as friends? I get the impression from your post that you aretrying to plan wedding party get togethers- nice, but not required, for you or them.

4. How is this friend bad?mshe apologized and you are still holding it over her head?

Chill out. Your bridesmaids do not need to help you plan.  They need to buy the dress within a reasonable budget and show up looking like their beautiful selves the day of the wedding.

Post # 12
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You dont seem to be over the moon about your bridesmaid choices anyway… perhaps you should have waited… I dont know how you are expecting them to react when the wedding is a year and a half away.

You need to remember that, yes, while it is your day , along with that comes the fact that you will likely be the person most excited about it 

Post # 13
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I only had a 9 month engagement, but I didn’t even care that much from months 9-7 about the wedding much less my Maid/Matron of Honor ( no BMs).Relax as it gets closer they will be more excited for you. They still have lives of their own,

Post # 14
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have to agree with the other bees.  All I’m asking of BMs is to show up in whatever dress I pick out on time.  Weddings are generally not that exciting for anyone other than the bride and maybe the MOB.  So no worries!  They still care about you.

Post # 15
8361 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Stace126:  Apart from what the other bees have said I find it slightly hypocritical to compalin that 3/4 of your BM’s are showing no interest and then say that the one that is is being clingy and complain when she shares her disappointment of not being invited dress shopping!

Be grateful that someone is showing an interest in your wedding and is egar to be involved and invite the other 3 along but if they don’t want to come/join in so be it. It sucks but it is your wedding not theirs.


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