offended by vendor's lack of sensitivity to our lesbian wedding

posted 3 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I can’t sympathize, since I did marry a dude, but…

Once I’d let go as a brain fade.  Twice and I’d threaten to take my business elsewhere.  Thrice and I might have a serious chat with the coordinator about the fact that I felt like no matter the deal I was getting, I needed to be treated like every other couple and was already looking for other venues for when I had to cancel if my fiancee was called Mr onemorefuckingtime.  Stress that you don’t expect anything but respect and acknoledgement of your proper gender.  They probably get a lot of people wanting free stuff for stupid little messups (in their minds).

Post # 5
1173 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Lesbobride:  They should have at least apologized! You should always try to bend over backwards if it’s clear you’ve risked offending a customer. If anything like that ever happans again I would definitely complain.

Post # 6
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Lesbobride:  It could have been an honest mistake when using a template or form or someone being rude.  Are you worried that the incident will be reflective of you and your SO getting poor service on the wedding day?  If so, you need to discuss it with the events manager to see if you should be concerned or what can be done in the future.

I would be more apt to think it was malicious if by addressing the envelope to your SO as Mr. they were making an assumption about her specifically.  Either way, if they are going to book wedding for LGBT couples (which they should! business is business), then they need to learn how to treat all couples with the respect and dignity they deserve.  I would probably schedule an appointment to politely discuss the matter in person to see their demeanor which may be very different than what you heard over the phone.

As far as giving you things, not every incident requires something free.  A simple promise that your documents and contracts will be addressed appropriately should be enough.  I receive things addressed to Mr. BeachBride all the time and think nothing of it.

Edit: I see it has happened at least twice now, someone needs to apologize and figure out some nice way to show they are happy for your business and embarassed about the mistakes.

Post # 7
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think you’re being too sensitive at all. If it were me, I’d be pissed! I’d try and speak to someone higher-up than who you originally spoke to that was short/insensitive to you. I hope things improve from here on out!

Post # 8
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Lesbobride:  Yikes.  That’s just embarassing to their business!!  You’ve expressed your concerns this time.  Next time (hopefully there is NOT a next time), I would go straight to management.  You do not deserve to be treated like that.  The first time was probably just someone rushing and not paying attention.  

Post # 9
8498 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t really think they need to offer you something free for a mistake such as this.  Being short with you isn’t really great, but I think all they needed to do was apologize and make sure it didn’t happen again.

I imagine their paperwork/software automatically addresses it as such and someone just isn’t paying too much attention…?

People have brain lapses all the time.  I mean this lady I work with all the time via email and phone has addressed me by the wrong name on multiple occasions.  I just chalk it up to working too fast or being distracted.  Not the biggest deal in the world.

It seems like an honest mistake to me.  I don’t think you deserve something free out of it, just an apology.  I guess if it seemed that they were doing it maliciously…I’d find a new venue. 

I’m pretty laid back though.

Post # 10
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Lesbobride: They also said they would give us names of other lesbian and gay couples that had gotten married there essentially to vouch for them. – This baffles me!

Post # 11
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think it’s too big of a deal that they made the mistake (probably forgot to adjust a template – careless but not malicious) but it’s pretty crappy that they didn’t take the mistake seriously and apologize.

Although one thing you said made me wonder…you said you thought they’d try to make it up to you and you said their response they emphasized that you were getting a good deal.  Were you asking them to reduce your cost or offer you something free in order to make up for the mistake?  Because that seems like overkill to me.

Of course, I could be reading way too far into things.

Post # 12
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Lesbobride: While it could have been a careless mistake, when you pointed it out to them, they should have been MUCH more apologetic, concerned, and done whatever they could to make up for the mistake. I’d also take them up on the offer to speak with other couples, as long as they provided their permission to provide a reference, and ask those couples about their overall level of sensitivity.

You aren’t off at all in being concerned. I’d expect a lot more sensitivity from a vendor in the Boston area, since marriage equality has been established there for such a long time!

Post # 13
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Gosh this is hard! I think that I tend to think the best of people because I wouldn’t intentionally do something like this, so I always assume it was an accident on their part! Like an auto-fill thing – they punch in the names and it fills the document and they just forgot about the attributive gender-specific tags.

I think you should try to brush it off unless you really think it was malicious, and if that’s the case, I’d draft a letter to them stating (respectfully) that from this point forward you’d like to only correspond with an associate on their behalf that can be respectful of you and your bride, because you have felt uncomfortable with the customer service representatives and their accommodations for you thus far.

Post # 14
1363 posts
Bumble bee

Personally, for me, it would only be paperwork and I don’t think I would think too much about it. Complaining about it may make them think you are out to get free stuff, as another poster said. And you did think they would give you chair covers. Now, the bigger question is how are they treating you on other issues? Are they willing to work with you or are they just rude. Paperwork is paperwork, but when it comes to other issues I might get my knickers in a knot.

I think they want you to know its a same sex couple friendly place and are willing to show you that others were very happy with their service.

Post # 15
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I can understand mistakes, even repeated mistakes because they’re probably using templates. But to not be extremely apologetic about it, and to apologize profusely each time it happens, baffles me. How does it hurt them to apologize? I would be completely embarrassed and over-the-top apologizing if I had made that mistake.

Post # 16
5905 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Lesbobride:  Ummm…it’s likely that they’re either working with pre-printed or template forms that have “Bride” and “Groom” pre-filled on there….add in the factor that the person you speak with is unlikely the same person who sends out the paperwork, and you’ve got someone that’s figuring the name of your fiance is a mistake and takes their best stab at what they think it might be…plus, if someone’s handwriting is unfamiliar or hard to read, they probably did what we all do…and guessed.

My take on this is that you and your fiance don’t deserve free chair covers or a discount, but you are certainly entitled to be addressed in person and in writing by your correct and proper names and treated with the respect and kindness as any paying customer would expect.

If you call and talk to them in a reasonable and calm manner about this issue and still get flack, its time to take your money elsewhere.


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