Post # 1
<div>New bee here!!!! :)</div>
<div>From the beginning, my fiance and I had always agreed that we wanted a small wedding. Not just small in size, but also in cost. We have many things we’re saving for (a house, for one) that we felt we’d rather spend our money on than an extravagant wedding, which is why we decided to do a destination wedding. I have a huge family, so that was going to eat up a large portion of our guest list, but we were able to narrow our list down to about 115-120 guests (which did not include ANY coworkers, and a large amount of friends who we just didn’t have room for).
In the guest list, we decided to include one of my parents’ long-time friends. The friends(married couple) have been long-time friends of the family, frequently invite my family to functions, and have spent time with my fiance and I on more than 3 occassions this year. They are also close friends of two other family member’s of mine.
Recently we found out one of my father’s friends in the same social circle as the invited friend found out they weren’t invited, and are “really upset”. This couple didn’t get invited for a variety of reasons. 1) Mostly just due to not being that close with them. I don’t think I’ve actually seen one of them in probably 5 years, and neither of the two in the last year. 2) We’ve got a small list to work with, and there any many other people who we didn’t invite that we’re closer with. 3) If we ended up inviting them, I feel like we would have opened the gate to then inviting that whole social circle of distant people my parents are friends with.
ADDITIONALLY… that guest makes my fiance and I really uncomfortable. He is a heavy drinker, and when he drinks he gets really obnoxious, rude, uncontrollable, and touchy-feely. Plus, the last time my fiance and I saw him (which was over a year ago) he was really rude to my fiance and some of our close friends. He’s one of those people who has always just gotten a pass because “oh that’s just so-and-so”, but to be honest, I don’t want to spend an entire week (destination wedding) avoiding him and his inappropriate behavior. Not to mention risk have him act inappropriately to my fiance or one of our guests.</div>
<div>Was it wrong of me to invite the one set of friends (one from that social circle of 7) and not the rest???? I honestly have not seen any of the other people in that social circle for 2,3,…5 years even! To top it off… it’s not my social cirlce!!! I feel a bit frustrated that they would expect an invite at all (fiance and I have never been invited to any important function of theirs, when they’re in our part of town they don’t call us, they don’t invite my parents to things, etc.), but for some reason I’m doubting myself here….</div>
Post # 2
Obv. you can tell I’m new here by all the weird </div> stuck in the post, ha!
Post # 3
Very rude of him to mention his being upset–who does that?
Post # 4
Nothing you’ve written here makes me think he should have been invited.
Everything you’ve written here makes me think you’ve done the right thing in not inviting him.
He needs to grow up
Post # 5
You have done absolutely nothing wrong – no one should expect an invite to anyone’s wedding, and it’s extremely rude to say you’re upset if you don’t receive one. I could see this being a little different if you had invited your parent’s whole social circle except this couple, but you’ve only invited one couple and there are plenty of others in the group who haven’t been invited. You are not wrong to want a smaller wedding and are completely entitled to invite (or not invite) whoever you want. If I was you, I’d just forget about the whole thing and continue on as you have been – this person isn’t even worth thinking about.
Post # 6
Trust your gut on this one. Ultimately it’s your day (week!) and you want to set yourself up to have the most positive experience you can. Especially since you and FI are footing the bill yourselves, there is no obligation for you to invite anyone from extended family-friend circles. It’s not your fault if he’s upset.
Post # 7
Cleary based on his past behavior he doesn’t respect boundaries and is rather entitled. So doesn’t surprise me he decided to be offended by not being invited. Your can’t simultaneously take care of you and your partners needs (having a small wedding with people you respect) while taking care of his needs (coming to a friend of the family’s wedding to party) it’s just not possible.
Post # 8
newbiebee1984 : The only reason I could say maybe that you should have invited him-Did your father want him invited (if he is paying for part of the wedding)? That would be the only thing that would make me even consider it. Even then I would be having a heart to heart with him explaining why I didnt think that he was an appropriate wedding guest.
Also, complete side bar. This may just be me, but if a distant family friends daughter was having a destination wedding, I would be kind of happy to not have to spend thousands on plane tickets, hotel, etc.
Post # 9
You know you know that reason you didn’t invite him– that he is rude and obnoxious and inappropriate? Well, you were right. He is.
And that’s why he’s making an issue out of not being invited. How else would he be invited to things if he didn’t guilt trip and terrorize people. His behavior right now is why you didn’t invite him.
Post # 10
Ugh. Why are people so stupid?
Don’t feel bad. He’s an a$$hat with an attitude problem. You did the right thing.
Post # 11
I don’t think you did anything wrong at all. Take solace in the fact that you don’t really ever see this guy so you won’t have to hear him complain about it. 😉
Post # 12
newbiebee1984 : you have the right to invite anyone you want. It’s your wedding. That’s all that needs to be said.
Post # 13
newbiebee1984 : He sounds like a five year old throwing a tantrum.
Post # 14
I voted no because I don’t think you were required to invite them but as far as being upset–that’s their choice and nothing you can control. They’ll get over it.
Post # 15
I’m not invited to a friend’s wedding, and although I’m bummed, I respect that she has a tight budget and limited guest list. That’s how people should react when they aren’t invited to your wedding.
He’s obviously selfish, so it’s good you didn’t invite him!