Offended family aquaintance who didn\'t get invited

posted 1 week ago in Guests
  • poll: Should the distant family friend have been invited?
    No, you did the right thing and they shouldn't have been upset. : (87 votes)
    96 %
    It could go either way : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Yes, they should have received an invite and have a right to be upset. : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    7157 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    You did nothing wrong by not inviting this couple. 

    Generally speaking it’s a good idea to make any cutoffs according to the relationship or category. So in this case it would be best friends of your parents or none. If this guy and his wife consider themselves to be as close to them as the invited couple , then he’s going to feel hurt. Obviously he’s not as close. Either way, it was very rude for him to say anything. 

    The fact that he doesn’t invite you places is not really relevant to all this. If he was going to get an invitation at all it would have been primarily to share the day with your parents. 

    More generally, I think it’s tough to justify excluding people that  DO deserve to be invited when a wedding goes beyond immediate family. A 100 -120 person wedding is not tiny. At that point you risk people being offended that an exotic venue and high end choices were more important than they

    In any case, it’s between him and your parents. FWIW I wouldn’t have invited him either. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    3717 posts
    Sugar bee

    newbiebee1984 : 

    Well I am glad  you feel better abut it OP,  heaven knows  you wouldn’t  have wanted him there! For a week!

    Btw I must say I was confused by your saying you didn’t  want an  expensive wedding yet you chose a week long destination one.  Surely that  has to be heaps  more expensive than a local venue? Or did you  you choose that so as to exlude those who couldn’t  afford to come  (but felt like they  were wanted because they got an invitation)  Bit risky really, suppose they all said yes !  

    Post # 20
    Member
    136 posts
    Blushing bee

    newbiebee1984 :  I love your response. I get sick of people on this board trying to call others out.

    Post # 22
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2018 - Anthem Golf & Country Club

    If we were required to invite everyone from every circle of friends/family/coworkers, the list would never end. Just because they are in the same group of friends, does not mean that they get an invite. I feel like people take it as a personal jab if they don’t get invited. It’s also weird that they voiced this issue out loud… I could maybe understand that someone would feel sad about not being invited, but they should be understanding of the fact that weddings cost money, and there has to be a cut off somewhere. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    7079 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    newbiebee1984 :  You’ve gotten all the responses you really need but I’ll just add mine anyway. It was incredibly rude of the couple to say anything to anyone about their feelings about not getting an invite. 

    We went to my MIL and aksed if any of her friends needed to be invited (we, like you, paid for our entire wedding ourselves). She said no, that we should have whomever we wanted there. After the wedding, her old friend was offended she wasn’t invited and made a big stink to my MIL and made her really uncomfortable. (Later, I ended up on the phone with this lady when she called MIL while I was visiting and asked to speak to me. She didn’t mention the wedding, but did start talking to me in Tagalog. When I told her I didn’t speak it she LAUGHED at me and said I was “one of those” who didn’t bother to learn as a child. I told her I was “one of those” who isn’t Filipina, so there was no reason for me to learn it!) So you’re not alone. Rude people are rude all over. You are difinitely better off without this particular guest at the wedding. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    newbiebee1984 :  It is sooo inappropriate to complain about not being invited to a wedding. You made a good call and honestly, I don’t think anyone who isn’t close to you (meaning someone you see/talk to on a regular basis) should be invited to a destination wedding. Don’t cave and if he’s mad, so what? You can’t please everybody!

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