Post # 16
You did nothing wrong by not inviting this couple.
Generally speaking it’s a good idea to make any cutoffs according to the relationship or category. So in this case it would be best friends of your parents or none. If this guy and his wife consider themselves to be as close to them as the invited couple , then he’s going to feel hurt. Obviously he’s not as close. Either way, it was very rude for him to say anything.
The fact that he doesn’t invite you places is not really relevant to all this. If he was going to get an invitation at all it would have been primarily to share the day with your parents.
More generally, I think it’s tough to justify excluding people that DO deserve to be invited when a wedding goes beyond immediate family. A 100 -120 person wedding is not tiny. At that point you risk people being offended that an exotic venue and high end choices were more important than they
In any case, it’s between him and your parents. FWIW I wouldn’t have invited him either.
Post # 17
Thank you all so much for your responses. To answer a few questions: Yes, 120 isn’t small. We knew of that 120, a large majority (50-60) would not be able to attend anyway, but they were close/immediate family so we had to invite them. We tried to eye-ball our list to see who would probably come and who probably wouldn’t, and base our numbers off of that. But, tbh, 50 isn’t super small… but small for us!!! Another question: my fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourself. My parents are paying for the rehersal dinner (before the trip), but that’s it. I think part of the problem was that couple was close with the couple invited, but not as close to my parents, and an assumption was made. After I read all the responses, talked to my mother, and slept on it, I feel much better and more confident about everything. I really appreciate all the responses and time ya’ll took to offer advice!! Wedding planning is tough stuff!!
Post # 18
Well I am glad you feel better abut it OP, heaven knows you wouldn’t have wanted him there! For a week!
Btw I must say I was confused by your saying you didn’t want an expensive wedding yet you chose a week long destination one. Surely that has to be heaps more expensive than a local venue? Or did you you choose that so as to exlude those who couldn’t afford to come (but felt like they were wanted because they got an invitation) Bit risky really, suppose they all said yes !
Post # 19
TBH, Elderbee, we chose an destination wedding because that is what WE wanted, and my belief is if you’re going to spend a good chunk of change, it should be on what you want. But yes, another factor in choosing a destination wedding was cost. Our entire wedding pkg (ceremony, food, cake, reception, decorations, music, etc) PLUS our one week stay is STILL cheaper than the cost of a reception in the city we live in. It also includes a wedding planner and set-up, an additional savings. We didn’t make our guest list hoping some didn’t come, we made it based on who was close friends and family. To our excitement, there were a few on the guest list who booked that we didn’t expect to, and some who RSVPd no, that we thought would probably go. And yes, we did factor in our budget the possibility of many more RSVPing as planned (just like any other wedding). Many of the people we thought couldn’t make it was NOT based on being able to afford it, but based on physical limitations (old age, extreme disability) or other factors (active duty military, recently had a baby). In addition, we live in an entirely different state than 90% of our guest list, so regardless of if we did a destination wedding or not, our guest would have to travel, and based on the expensive city we live in, 3 days in MX is cheaper than 3 days in our city. You know that saying about assumptions…. Happy I could clarify for you!
Post # 20
newbiebee1984 : I love your response. I get sick of people on this board trying to call others out.
Post # 21
mascott25 : Ha! Thanks Mascott25. His/her response was a bit presumptuous, so I thought I would provide some enlightenment 🙂
Post # 22
- Wedding: March 2018 - Anthem Golf & Country Club
If we were required to invite everyone from every circle of friends/family/coworkers, the list would never end. Just because they are in the same group of friends, does not mean that they get an invite. I feel like people take it as a personal jab if they don’t get invited. It’s also weird that they voiced this issue out loud… I could maybe understand that someone would feel sad about not being invited, but they should be understanding of the fact that weddings cost money, and there has to be a cut off somewhere.
Post # 23
newbiebee1984 : You’ve gotten all the responses you really need but I’ll just add mine anyway. It was incredibly rude of the couple to say anything to anyone about their feelings about not getting an invite.
We went to my MIL and aksed if any of her friends needed to be invited (we, like you, paid for our entire wedding ourselves). She said no, that we should have whomever we wanted there. After the wedding, her old friend was offended she wasn’t invited and made a big stink to my MIL and made her really uncomfortable. (Later, I ended up on the phone with this lady when she called MIL while I was visiting and asked to speak to me. She didn’t mention the wedding, but did start talking to me in Tagalog. When I told her I didn’t speak it she LAUGHED at me and said I was “one of those” who didn’t bother to learn as a child. I told her I was “one of those” who isn’t Filipina, so there was no reason for me to learn it!) So you’re not alone. Rude people are rude all over. You are difinitely better off without this particular guest at the wedding.
Post # 24
newbiebee1984 : It is sooo inappropriate to complain about not being invited to a wedding. You made a good call and honestly, I don’t think anyone who isn’t close to you (meaning someone you see/talk to on a regular basis) should be invited to a destination wedding. Don’t cave and if he’s mad, so what? You can’t please everybody!