Offensive things your SO has said to you, that you both ended up laughing about

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

He quotes the Simpsons a lot so one day he grabbed by stomach and said “Woooo look at that blubber fly!”


I was gobsmacked and looked at him as if to say “I’m going to stop your heart now.”

We could laugh because I didn’t really have much fat on my abs – I have put on weight but geeze.   It was funny.

Post # 4
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m the one that tends to put the foot in my mouth.  The other day FI put on a new shirt and I said “Wow that shirt actaully fits you” as if he typically wears clothes that don’t fit.  I tried to back track with “I mean it’s just bigger than your other shirts”  FI is currently trying to loose weight, so now I’m implying that all of his other clothes are too small since he’s fat and now he’s finally wearing the right size.

All I meant to say was that the new shirt looked good.  He wasn’t upset or anything, just laughed at my sad attempts to fix what I had said.

Post # 6
8389 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

When I first met my husband we were playing WoW online and living 3000 miles apart from one another.  In addition, I was in a long term (3 yr) relationship living with my then BF, so I really didn’t think of my husband as anything more than a friend.  My ex and I ended up parting ways and that day I got on vent (it’s like skype kinda, but for gamers) and here’s how our conversation went:

DH: You sound like you’re kinda down, what’s up?

Me: Oh, I just broke up with X

DH: Nice!

<dead air>

Me: Did you really just say “nice”?  That’s kind of a dick thing to say.

This was followed by lots of back peddling and a long winded confession, so we get a laugh out of it now.

Post # 7
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m thin but still have err… dimples on my backside. Whereas it’s a compliment to say a female has an “apple bottom” he once said mine looked like an apple with worm holes. I make fun of his big belly all the time. 

Post # 8
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m like Kit_Kath with being the one to say stupid things.

The other night my husband came home from his bartending shift, and I didn’t realize until we were laying in bed that he reeked of cigarette smoke (he prefers to shower when he wakes up). I said to him “Holy jeez you smell bad!” and then realized how bad it sounded. Thankfully he got up and took a shower!

Post # 10
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Oh boy, which time? I think our primary method of joking involves insults and foul language.

1. We’d been dating a couple of months, and I was still in that rosy-glow phase where everything he does is just magical. I was sitting on his lap and complimenting him on being such a gentleman, when he smiled coyly and said “bitch, get off me.” I dont think I’d ever heard him swear, and he really enjoyed the look on my face.

2. Like most of my “beauty”, my eyebrows can be wiped off entirely with a wet kleenex. It’s pretty obvious they’re drawn on, and if people ask I don’t lie. We’d been dating for a few months and were out for a Mavs playoff game at a local bar. While there, a male friend of his flat-out asked me “why do you draw your eyebrows on?” As I was explaning it to him, I could see FIs wheels start turning. His friend asked him “What do YOU think of it?” FI shrugged, and with a perfectly straight face said “meh, doesnt matter to me…they end up rubbing off near my belly button a lot, but as long as she’s cool with it I dont care.”  Everyone around us errupted.

What a charmer.

Post # 11
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I am sure I have some examples but my mind is drawing blanks. This is the best I’ve got:

Him: I love when you’re a bitch.

Me: You just called me a bitch.

Him: But I said, I love it. It’s okay if I love it.

Me: Well, colour me relieved.

Him: See? Bitch.

Insert laughter.  

Post # 12
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@badabing88:  LOL. We have a similar sense of humour. We insult each other on the regular, but it’s funny.

Also, can I ask you why you actually do draw your eyebrows on? I’ve never known why. I hate my eyebrows and would love to shave them off…but I don’t know how to make new ones 😛

Post # 13
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have wonderful, clear skin. I always have. During ALL of my teenage years, I had a TOTAL of 8 zits.

Then I got pregnant.

A few weeks ago, DH looked at me and said “You said you had 8 zits as a teenager, right? ‘Cause you TOTALLY have 8 right now!”

I just stared at him. Then I cried. Then I laughed so hard I started crying again.

But mostly we laugh about it

Post # 14
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Oh, and I totally forgot to add in the things about me he makes fun of:

-“Flappers”: those would be my boobs…because when not suspended in a push up bra, they closely resemble pancakes. Many people we know are aware of this nickname.

-“Bingo Wings”: I talk with my hands a LOT and my upper arm chub is quite mobile, earning me that pretty nickname.


Post # 16
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Laurenskii:  I have one from two nights ago that we instantly started laughing about.

FI: Would you like a massage?

Me: Absolutely!

FI: Oh, and I don’t even expect sex out of this!

Me: Fine, than I’ll have a massage hold the sex.

FI: That’s not the answer I was expecting. 

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