Post # 1
Approximately 5 years ago I used to be a member of a forum connected with a popular TV programme. A monthly local meet of members used to take place in my home town, and for about 3 years I happily attended.
I met my now fiancé through the forum. He is bisexual, and had had a very short lived ‘fling’ with the main (male) organiser of the meets approximately 2 years before we met. This person wasn’t happy when we got together, and made some offensive comments – mainly along the line that my fiancé is really gay and that our relationship wouldn’t last. We’ve now been together nearly 3 years and have been very happy.
This person spread a lot or very nasty rumours amongst our mutual friends – including one alleging that I had a threesome with an ex and his new gf. I’m straight and have never been sexually attracted to women. Other people from the forum got involved, things got nasty and about 18 months ago I decided to leave the forum for good. I also stopped attending the local meets.
Last week I found out from a mutual friend that a fake twitter profile had been set up, impersonating me. Posts I had made on the forum years ago had been directly lifted to make it seem more genuine. This same group of people had been posting on it since the end of January…extremely offensive things about myself, my fiancé, my ex husband. Amongst them were posts saying that I ‘beat the gay’ out of my fiancé, that I’m constantly cheating on him (we are in a LDR)…and possibly the worst, poking fun of the fact that I had a miscarriage recently. I reported the profile to Twitter, and it has now been taken down.
I cannot believe that myself and my fiancé are still getting abuse about our relationship after nearly 3 years. Sadly, it is starting to affect the way I feel about my fiancé. I can’t help feeling that if he was straight, I wouldn’t be getting any of this. I’m really tired of it all, I’m tired of these people still featuring in my life. I’ve gone to great pains not have any contact with them…deleting and blocking them off Facebook, not attending functions I know they will be at..so why is this still happening?
Post # 3
The reason this is happening is because some people just suck.
I’m sorry you are going through this. I think you should have a conversation with your Fiance about how this is all making you feel. It can’t be making him feel any better, and to keep this from ripping you two apart, you really have to face it together.
Post # 4
I’m really sorry that this is still happening. I know that it hurts a lot that these people cannot seem to get over everything, but I have a feeling that it has nothing to do with the fact that your FH is bisexual. What’s to say that if he were straight and never had a fling with this guy that this guy wouldn’t still be obviously jealous of your relationship?
The best way to make a bully happy is to let him know that you’re hurt and bothered by what he’s doing. The longer you ignore him and what’s happening, the less they’ll be inclined to talk about you. I know it’s been a really long time, and clearly these people have nothing better to do with their time than make up fake twitter pages. Keep trying to ignore them, and obviously take down any twitter pages that they decide to make up, and keep living your life. Try not to let them get to you or in between your relationship…b/c then they win.
Post # 5
I second 2PeasinaPod… sexual orientation has no bearing on the unfortunate fact of having crazies in his past. You’re doing the best thing by limiting your exposure to this group, and honestly (I hate to bring this up here, on an internet forum, which I spend an alarming amount of time on…) but these people are a bunch of trolls hiding behind the anonymity of a computer monitor. I think you need to shift the focus back on the friends you met in other avenues of your life (like school, work etc…).
Post # 6
Thank you all for your replies and support.
I must respectfully disagree that his sexuality is not playing a part in this. A good 80% of the posts mention his bisexuality….and always in a negative way. Among the things I have been accused of:
1. Keeping him ‘straight’ by using physical violence
2. ‘Raping’ my fiance – waiting until he is unconcious and then forcing myself on him
3. Using sex toys to have anal sex with my fiance, because he does not want to have ‘straight’ sex with me.
And many other things that are far too disgusting to post here. Unfortunately, the posts are still visable online, by doing a google search using the fake profile name. I don’t know how to get them removed.
The weekend just gone was the first time we had seen each other in a month – and it was ruined by all this. All we did was discuss it. I am sick to death of even hearing the names of these people, and as much as I love my fiance, I’m sick to death of discussing his bisexuality. As I told him over the weekend, it has bought only negatives to our relationship – absolutely nothing positive. I used to be a great supporter of the LGBT community, but now I want nothing to do with it, if these people are examples.
I cannot believe that a person he was not even in a relationship with, is still so jealous and causing so many problems, years after the fact.
Post # 7
I’m sorry all those things were said about you, how terrible! 🙁 I’ve also been the target of bullying and some people just don’t stop. I agree you should get as much distance between yourself and these people as possible. Surround yourself with friends who are supportive and forget all those trolls! It will get better!
EDIT: I want to also add that I haven’t seen the major bullies in over a year or two and they still find a way to haunt me… somehow :/ WTF. pitiful.
Post # 8
wow. I have heard of jealous ex’s before but this is one of the worst most long lasting stories I have heard about. im so sorry you are having to deal with this. Try and keep in mind that this is not a representation of the LGBT community as a whole. There are bad seeds in every group of people, in all races, sexual orientations, ages, genders, ….unfortunately ugly knows no boundaries and can show up in all walks of life. These people are just a couple of bad seeds and I would try to not generalize and associate these few with an entire community full of lots of good people who would never act this way. Also, by letting them cause so many waves in your relationship they are ultimately winning and doing exactly what they are setting out to do. Don’t let them have that kind of satisfaction. Do not reward their behavior with letting it have an affect on your happiness. The fact of the matter is, your fiance is bisexual. Loving someone means accepting all aspects of who they are. You do not have to like every single part of who someone is but you do have to accept it if you are going to love them and spend your life with them. Also try and remember that it is not a choice to be gay or bisexual and that it probably hurts your fiance to know that you are affected so much by a part of him that he did not choose, but that just is. focus on the good people that are in your life and keep distancing yourself as much as possible from the others. I know it has to be exhausting and really frustrating to still be dealing with something after 3 years. Bullying is a problem im sure all of us have faced at some time or another and its never easy. But by continuing to live a happy life with your fiance and keeping the love you two have strong you are going to come out on top. at some point they will find something else to focus on and you two can finally just be left alone. good luck darlin!
Post # 9
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but the whole thing sounds pretty suspicious to me.
Neither one of you associates w/*any* of the people involved? I’ve known some severely spiteful people, but no one that would ever still be talking so much about someone they haven’t seen or heard from in over a year or two. Not w/out gossip from a mutual friend or something else.
And as far as ignoring it & not letting it get to you… I vote screw that. Stand up to these people! Scream from the rooftops what they’re doing & saying about you. If they’re being so horrible, confront them in public & embarrass the crap out of them. They’re spreading lies about you & going to great lengths to ruin your life. Impersonating you online & spreading negative rumors about you? That’s defamation, which is ILLEGAL. Mentioning a MISCARRIAGE? W… T… F? Has your SO not confronted these people & told them he loves you, is attracted to you, & that they need to focus on their own obviously boring lives?
Some people can’t simply be ignored. That doesn’t always make things go away. These people are bullies & must be stopped.
Post # 10
@Mouse217: I assure you this is all real.
The last time myself or Fiance saw *any* of the people involved was June last year. A mutual friend invited us to a party and two of them were there. We did not acknowledge their presence, and had no interaction with them at all.
This latest situation has come about as our closest friend (also bisexual) has split from his girlfriend. He wasn’t willing to be ‘friends’ with her straight away, and wanted a period of no contact. Even though she instigated the split, she has burnt facebook up with everything and anything he ever told her…including details of my miscarriage. This was after she had deleted most of his friends from her facebook. Of course word filtered back down the gossip vine…
It was *thanks* to her that we found out about the fake twitter profile, as she had posted on it that ‘she wished she had been as successful as me at converting her ex to pussy, but unfortunately he preferred cock’ Our friend still hadn’t deleted her on twitter and saw the post.
I’ve already consulted a lawyer. We can ask for full details of those involved in the fake twitter profile and send them a ‘cease and desist’ warning letter. Only drawback is that it could take months for twitter to release the information…and it will cost me money neither me or Fiance have.
Post # 11
as difficult as it sounds, you have to ignore them. you have to not seek out and look at what they’re saying and you have to make a new life and build new friends.
if they are bad people, they’ll keep talking about you because they have nothing better to do and nothing more exciting in their boring lives. take it as a sign that they have done nothing with their lives that this is still what they’re talking about, three years later.
Post # 12
@bookworm88: Thank you for your reply.
And you have totally hit the nail on the head. This is pure unadulterated jealousy and envy. The two main instigators have nothing in their lives – and the one who started it (FI’s ex fling) has NEVER been able to have a relationship that has lasted more than one night. He used to say it was what he wanted more than anything.
I think that is what I am having trouble getting my head around the most…the fact that they are STILL talking about us nearly three years later! But, the television programme is a sci-fi one, and these people live up (or down) to every cliche about socially inadequate sci-fi geeks…
Sadly, I’m not the only person these people have been picking on. Another forum member, who is autistic, also has a nasty fake twitter profile made by the same people. What makes it worse is one of the people posting on it is his ‘friend’ of nearly 20 years…
Post # 13
This is so horrible, I am sorry you are going through it. I suspect from your post (spelling of “programme”) that you are not in the US–here we have many cyber-bullying laws, it is unfortunately a hot topic these days and there are many law-enforcement contingents working to prosecute people for this crime. (There have been many teen suicides due to cyber-bullying and it’s getting worse–where I live there is a trial going on right now for a college student that committed suicide jumping off a bridge because his roommate secretly videocasted him online having a same sex sexual encounter and he was so upset that he killed himself–the roommate is being prosecuted).
I suggest you look into the legal recourse in your area, this is a disgusting thing for someone to do and I can’t imagine how twisted they are to even think of it…and to bring your miscarriage into it. Absolutely revolting.
Post # 14
Actually, I’m going to go out and say that while you should not directly engage with them, you SHOULD contact Twitter if this account impersonating you is using your real name in any way, shape or form.
I’m not sure where you live, but in the US in some states, you would have a right to take action under cyberbullying laws.
EDIT: What she said above.
Post # 15
@TheMsMittens: Man, I am so sorry that the ugly side of fandom is biting you in the butt. Please let me apologize on behalf of my fellow geeks — we’re not all this messed up!
See if there’s any sliding-scale legal services in your area re: the cease and desist. Also maybe some pre-marital counseling — not of the catastrophic “can this marriage be saved?” type, but more just to help you and your Fiance with the resilience of your relationship in light of all this abuse, and maybe to explore some of your feelings about his past sexual history. Does this make sense? I’m not trying to be a jerk or suggest that somehow YOU are the problem here. Just thinking that getting to unburden all of this to someone in what is already a stressful wedding-planning time might be good.
Just my two cents — hope that it’s helpful. Sorry for all the bullying you’re going through!
Post # 16
Thanks for your replies.
I contacted Twitter the day I became aware of the fake account. It has been removed now…I don’t know whether Twitter removed it, or those posting we warned I knew about it.
I’m in the UK. Any legal action would cost money I don’t have.
Counselling would be good, but Fiance and I are in a LDR. The only times we are together is at weekends once or twice a month. So difficult to arrange.
One of the people involved seems to think he is some sort of ‘internet vigilante’ and because we have ‘upset’ a friend of his, he has the right to do this. This is someone who is a diplomat for his country in Europe. I’m sure his employers wouldn’t be too impressed if they knew he was actively engaged in cyberbullying.