"Officially" vs "Unofficially" Engaged?

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@GamersBride:  I think as you said, some people know they’re getting engaged so they start planning despite for whatever reason they simply don’t have the ring yet. I knew we were getting engaged before he proposed (i.e it wasn’t totally out of the blue and unexpected, we designed the ring together and he had it made etc.) But I didn’t consider myself engaged until after the proposal and I didn’t start planning until it was official.

I think people just use the term unofficially engaged because they don’t have the ring yet but they’re planning the wedding so it’s more than just a ‘bf/gf’ relationship.

Post # 4
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think it depends on each person’s definition of “sealing the deal” not so much show how official it is (although I know the terms used are “official” and “unofficial”). For us, we started planning our wedding and told close family members, but even some or the close family immediately looked at my hand looking for the ring. That’s why we decided to wait until we had it before we told the world- just easier. That didn’t stop us from booking a venue and setting the date. For my FI the ring was special and it was the “seal” so even though I knew we were getting married (we were planning it) he insisted on making the “actual proposal” a surprise, which was sweet and romantic. 

Everyone places different meaning on different parts of the process I guess. Also, media does a good job convincing you that if you don’t have the big filmed proposal with fireworks, etc., it’s not yet “official” even if that’s not the case.

Post # 5
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think it is like everything else Wedding Related… different couples and different locations (Countries, Regions etc) have different customs / traditions.

“Technically” being Engaged just means ONE very simple thing.

The couple has decided to get Married… and that it has been spelled out very very clearly

Usually means SOMEONE ASKED… and the OTHER SAID YES

That is it, that is all.

Altho some people don’t consider themselves Engaged unless there is a Ring (or other piece of jewellery) to show the world

(A Ring is not a requirement of either a Proposal or an Engagement… BTW)

Personally, I’ve never considered myself fully Engaged until The Ring is on my finger (I am a traditional old-fashioned girl in that way)

Mr TTR Proposed in April while we were on Vacation sans ring… it took us 6 weekends to finally find THE ONE

After The Ring came in, and it was on my finger is when we Celebrated “officially” and told the rest of the world.

Hope that helps at least explain how some people see it.

 

Post # 6
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I understand what you’re saying but when we talk about relationships there’s very little that can actually be “official” because there’s no official relationship council. 

To some members of society being “officially” engaged means that a serious action has been taken like buying a ring or setting a wedding date. To me a couple that has taken either of these actions is engaged. 

The only relationship status you can be “offical” about is being legally married or single as those are regulated by a government office. Everything else is a gray area that we have to define by our own social definitions.

Post # 7
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I can definiltely see what you mean about it being confusing OP. I guess my take on it might be if someone knows they have a ring on the way and they have already started working out wedding details with their SO, they might consider themselves unofficially engaged. Maybe to some it’s only an ‘official’ engagement once the proposal has been done and the ring recieved.

I knew about my ring for over a year before he proposed to me. I had already (secretly) started planning wedding things but I never told anyone that I was engaged or even considered myself engaged until I had the ring. But I guess it really depends on how others view it.

Post # 9
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Most couples start with a private understanding and move on from there. Some are truly surprised by a proposal, but it’s rare. SO and I are crystal-clear about where we stand and are in agreement about marriage, but actually having the ring and getting a down-on-one-knee proposal (even in pajamas at bedtime – I just want some cheesy words) is important to me. Weddings are not. That’s just me. My version of shallow (a 10K+ wedding day) is important to someone else; my silliness (wanting my version of a formal proposal) is something someone else is judging.

None of us are so profound that we don’t do or enjoy something that is perceived as essentially meaningless by others. Not everything that seems shallow is inherently bad. We’ve been enjoying our private knowledge and will enjoy sharing that knowledge with everyone once we have the ring paid for. In my mind, yes, I think of us as engaged, but it just won’t seem fully realized to me until I have a ring.

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@GamersBride:  Haha yes, that is a very good way of looking at it. I know exactly what you mean, unofficially engaged seems redundant, I would also think that you are either engaged or not (depending on how you define being engaged).

Post # 13
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@GamersBride:  I’m pretty tired, so I may not be making much sense. I wasn’t offended or anything like that. I just know that I posted a thread the other day about my SO identifying me as his fiancee on paperwork for his job despite not being “officially” engaged via ring and a proposal, so I was thinking about that.

Post # 15
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

For the past couple of weeks i guess I have considered myself “unofficially” engaged. My SO and I have been together for 3 years, lived together for 2, and about 6 weeks ago he took me to pick out a ring. It took some weeks to get in, and we will see it finally in a few days. We are both on the same page and I’m awaiting him to propose- its no secret. I am traditional and want the ring for it to be “official” though before we share with extended family/friends

 

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