Post # 1
So my fiances uncle is a preacher, kind of. He used to have a church but is just standing in now when needed.
Apparenly he used to have a drinking problem but then took the high road and became a preacher. My fiance thinks he may be drinking again.
Anyways, my fiance and I are living together. At first we were sexually active but since getting closer to God we decided to abstain. So basically live together without sin. We kind of rely on eachother for help with bills, it makes things easier to just live together while we wait to get married.
So three months to the wedding and his uncle says he wont marry us. He’s been depressed lately and just acting strange and getting mad at family and he says “Well I’ve been praying on it for a while and I just don’t want to”
I am pretty upset and offended by this. Using prayer as an excuse?
It feels like he’s saying “You’re not good enough” or something. I don’t get it.
I am a christian and please don’t bash the religion, but people that treat others like they are not worth their time or anything because they sin or have sinned really upsets me. Like he’s Mr Perfect never having sinned in his life.
I just don’t get the “I prayed about it and no” thing.
Sorry for the vent but I’m kind of offended and can’t really tell my fiance it upset me as much as it did. Well I can tell him but if I did he would get upset with his uncle and I don’t want that to happen.
Post # 3
I would take it with a grain of salt. I say that because it sounds like your uncle has some issues he needs to deal with. Honestly, it is probably goof this happened three months before your wedding instead of three weeks. This gives you time to find someone a little more reliable. But I understand why you’re upset. I just hope you understand that it is not you and your fiance that are the problem. So don’t blame yourself. This is supposed to be a happy time
Post # 4
I agree with this – @imanw: BUT I also know that there are a lot of preachers that wont marry couples that are living together if they know about it. Definitely not that uncommon.
Post # 5
I’m sorry that he hurt your feelings but as another christian woman, why are you offended? He has every right to say he doesn’t want to marry you and honestly if he is drinking again, why would you want him to marry you?
God does every thing for a reason and there could be a very good one for this. Try not to let it get to you. Even if he is using prayer as an excuse, it isn’t your job to judge him and assume the worst. For all you know he really did pray about it and God put it on his heart that he shouldn’t marry you two. Not because you’re not good enough but for some other unknown reason.
Try to stay positive and open to what God has planned.
Post # 6
I get this. My pastor wouldn’t if we lived together either. It really depends on the individual Pastor. Some see it as still living in sin regardless of sex. Others may see it as an appearance of sin. Pastors don’t want to hurt their names. My pastor is known for protecting himself in this regard and says he has to answer to God for his actions and he will do everything in this life that he believes will please God. Please don’t think I’m being insensitive lol. I just witnessed a very similar happening at my church so I’m just giving a story so you know you’re not alone. Heck, my pastor won’t even marry a person unless they attend my church (really?!) and refused to marry FBIL because he is moving to a differnet church.
Deep breaths. Maybe it’s for the better.
Post # 7
@kris325: He sounds like he has his own issues so probably best to go with someone reliable anyway.
Yeah, hypocrisy is what I don’t like about lots of Christians. Not saying all, but a lot are like this. EVERYONE sins… that’s why Jesus died, no?
Just move on, be glad that he didn’t pull out right before the wedding.
Also, I don’t know how it works, but surely you don’t have to disclose your sex life to the next person you want to marry you? IMO it’s none of their business whether you live together or not… or if you’re boning or not. I’m not religious (obviously) but isn’t that between you and God? Just saying.
Post # 8
He may be going through something else himself and just may feel overwhelmed. Even if he is judging you for your choices in life, he’s allowed to not do something he’s uncomfortable with. I would feel hurt, judged and offended too, regardless. The bright side is now you can have someone who is behind your union, ceremony and will perform it honestly and enthusiastically.
Post # 9
I am sorry that you are going thru this. : ( I wouldn’t take it so personal though. Maybe he decided his walk with G*d is insufficient so he can’t perform in a professional capacity. Maybe he is just depressed and down on marriage. Maybe he think marriage should be reserved for those over 40. Maybe he plans to go to the beach that day. Maybe he thinks your FI is cheating on you with the dog. Honestly even if his reason is that you guys live together I wouldn’t worry about it. The Bible tells us not to judge so it is between him and the L*rd.
We each have to answer to G*d for ourselves. We don’t have to answer for anyone else. If everyone just worried about themselves and their own walk the world would be a much better place. I commend you both for your strength of character in abstaining. That is a hard thing to do.
Post # 10
It looks like if he had such a big problem with you living together, he would WANT to marry you, seeing as how that cures the whole living in sin thing and makes the relationship leigitmate from a religious standpoint. It’s not like your FI doesn’t want to make an “honest woman” out of you….
Post # 11
Thank you all…
And all of you are probably right. I get the living together thing, kind of. But if they’re going to refuse to marry for one sin, why not refuse the others?
Anyways, I probably shouldn’t let it get to me, it’s just the way he put it and so bluntly with no explination at all about why he would be questioning if he should or not. Nothing about us living together, nothing about him not being in the right place just “I’ve been praying on it and I don’t want to”
But you’re right it could be any number of things and it’s much better than getting the notice 3 weeks or 3 days before the wedding
Post # 12
I’m sorry this upset you…but I doubt that it’s even remotely about you. I understand that he’s family, and he’s a religious sort, and it was a natural assumption that he would perform the ceremony, but he probably just doesn’t want to do it. Religious convictions aside.
I don’t know if I can even explain this….but….I have written and performed several weddings for close friends in the past couple of years, and of course, I offered this service free and used my creative writing and acting skills to create a very special and unique experience for the couple and their loved ones….well, of course all of their friends, who were at the ceremony, well they want to know who I am, if I do weddings, can I do something like this for them, how much..oh it was free?
You can see where this is going, right? So, at some point, while your sitting at your desk on a Sunday night trying to find just the right thing to write about a couple you only know as a friend of a friend, and next week you have to sacrifice a whole Friday night for the rehersal and then do the ceremony on Saturday…well, it can wear a person down, and then you just long to be invited as a guest.
I’m not certain that’s what’s going on here, but it’s a possibility that he’s just burnt out on the whole performing weddings thing.
I hope you feel better!