Post # 1
I just read a thread, posted by an officiant/ pastor, who shared her thoughts and experiences on etiquette in reguards to tip, reahursal dinner invite, reception invitation, etc. I agreed with her 95% and she had many great points. In her expereince she has gone WAY above and beyond her duties and feel as if she should most definetly be entitled to additional compensation.In my situation Im not sure what is proper etiquette.
We are using an officiant who has his own business that he and his wife run. We have had very little communication with him and sometimes find it hard to get any type of response. Now we have paid extra, on top of the ceremony fee, to have him attend the rehearsal, but wasn’t sure if it is required for us to invite him to the rehearsal dinner. I feel as if it would extrememly awkward with as little communication we have had, but dont want to be rude at the same time. This also goes for the reception. The only communication we’ve really had is me sending over our vows, information about the love letter box we are incorporating and the readings and him responding that he’s gotten them (which only came after me sending a friendly just making sure you got me email, email after a few weeks of no response.) I should also mention that this is the father of an old friend, whom I have not seen in a very long time.
So I guess my question is, is it alway required to invite the officant to both the rehearsal dinner and recpetion? Thanks!
Post # 3
I figure that at its heart, the rehearsal dinner is a nice thing to do for all who were invovled in some way at the rehearsal – this is you and the groom, the officiant, the bridal party, etc. So I consider an invitation for the officiant to the rehearsal dinner to be expected. After all, he/she is the person that’s making the wedding itself official.
ETA: I meant to include earlier that, yes, the officiant should be invited to the reception. Absolutely. It would be a big breach of etiquette to not invite them.
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s “required”, but it’s nice. I haven’t been to a wedding where I didn’t see the offciant at the reception. I don’t think I’ve seen to many at the rehersal dinner.
Post # 5
Thanks ladies! I personally have not been to either one where the officiant was included so it is all forgien to me. I appreciate the feedback and now know better!
Post # 6
I think it makes a difference whether it’s a clergyperson from a house of worship or whether it’s a hired officiant.
I think of hired officiants as “vendors” like the florist, etc., whereas I put clergy in a different category. A clergy person generally does not pull down a high salary, and they work all week in order to work on the weekends. Weddings place an additional demand on their time, usually involving a good chunk of time on a Friday for the rehearsal as well as Saturday for the ceremony. I would definitely recommend inviting your clergy officiant. For someone hired on a vendor basis, I would still probably try to do it, it’s a nice gesture and it acknowledges their work, but I feel like it’s a bigger faux pas to not invite a priest or minister.
Post # 7
I would say that if you have a relationship with the officiant, then yes…extend the invitation. If the one you are having is one you’ve hired without even knowing him/her, then no…no need to invite them (unless you want to do so).
We had one that we found through the venue, and he declined to attend either part of the wedding (RD or reception),save his own role. Many of them (and ours as well) had to leave to do other weddings almost immediately afterwards. He also said if he accepted every invitation for all these dinners, he’d be as big as a house!
Post # 8
I voted reception only, but just because we are not having a rehearsal. If we were, I would of course invite the officiant.
If you’ve had some communication problems with your officiant, it might be worthwhile to invite him to the rehearsal dinner so he can get a feel for the two of you as a couple and your bridal party, which might help him do his job better.
Post # 9
It makes a big difference that your officiant isn’t your pastor or a family friend. You didn’t say how much you paid, but if it’s anything like mine, you probably paid a lot of money relative to the amount of work he put in. Since he’s just a hired vendor, I don’t think you need to invite him to either event. Think about it, you probably wouldn’t invite your florist or your baker, so why invite the officiant?
Post # 10
I voted yes, but my officiant is also my godfather, so he would be there regardless.
I think it’s proper to invite the officiant to the rehearsal dinner since they will need to be at the rehearsal itself. Anything else is above and beyond, but definitely nice!
Post # 11
Our officiant is one of our very good friends, so she’s being invited to everything 🙂 Also, her husband is the best man, so even if she weren’t the officiant, she’d be invited to everything. I didn’t vote since I have a different situation 🙂
Post # 12
We invited our pastor to come to the reception, but he declined. Fine with me! 🙂
Post # 13
Thanks ladies! I’ve been a little torn because I definetly don’t want to be rude or anything, but we have paid him a fairly large amount, in the upper 100’s, and its not so much that I mind inviting them, but more of the fact that we are paying him so much and have had very little done. Though I did like the reasoning from a PP about it giving him an oppertunity to really get a feel for us as a couple.
Our rehearsal is very small and intimate, only 16 ppl BP only (no +1’s), parents and siblings and its a pretty pricey sit down plated dinner. Now like I said if its in bad manners and taste to leave him and his wife out I will be sure to include them, but with the cost of services & rehearssal dinner we will be bumped into the $1000.00 area….not to mention the reception dinner.
Its not my intention to come off stingy or snarky and maybe they would delcine our invitation anyhow , But to be honest, if we had more time and hadn’t invested so much into him we would problaby seek out another officant. We somewhat felt obligated to use him, but its left a somewhat bitter taste in our mouths with his sharp and cold demeanor, when we were infact able to get any type of communication.
I appreciate everyones feedback though and it’s definetly gave us much to think about!
Post # 14
To answer the question do we have a relationship with the officiant: No. I had only met him once and that was many years ago.
Post # 15
I voted yes… It is always a nice thing to extend the offer to them.. but most of the time I don’t see the officiants attend. BUT I got to a lot of Catholic weddings and normally the priest has to say the Saturday vigil mass after the wedding.