Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery
So what to do when your little brother is constantly having problems with his girlfriend (whom he lives with). It seems that they fight often and neither are happy and when they fight his GF will call or text saying that he needs to stay somewhere else and if he can stay with us for a while. I understand he is my brother and all, but I find it bothersome that everytime they have a quarrel he must be dumped on my doorstep. I love my brother, but being the younger brother he is immature, irresponsible, and often inconsiderate. Neither me or my FI enjoy having him around for too long because of this..not to mention he is very negative and creates a somber mood. Have any of you bees had to deal with similar issues? What did you do? Tough love or consideration?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
How frustrating! 🙁 I’m sorry you (and your fiance and your brother!) have to deal with this situation. Could you suggest he and his GF try to work out their issues, rather than run away from each other when they have problems? Or maybe ask another relative (parent?) to be his “escape” some of the time?
Post # 4
Gosh, if this is happening often I would think it’s getting to a point of some tough love. And I agree with Bruschetta, he may be younger and immature, but it’s never too early to learn you can’t just run away from your problems whether with a SO or any other aspect of life. The next time it happens I would let him come, but then sit down and have a heart to heart, get your FI into the mix so your brother is hearing a guy’s point of view too. Tell him lovinly, but firmly he and his GF need to face each other and work out their problems and while you love him, the next time there is a fight you’re not going to let him run to you. It’ll be hard, but most likely will be the best thing for him!
Post # 5
bluebutterfly -there’s a good chance that we’re related (we might have the same brother). Just kidding.
My brother is the youngest of three and a complete pain in the ass (I love him, I really do). I’ve been taking care of him since he was born and feel like both myself and my family have babied him so much to the point that his dependency is an illness.
After the 20th time of him moving into my house, disrespecting my things, my schedule and my fiance, I finally had to put my foot down and say “NO MORE!”
It was the hardest thing that I’ve ever done in my life. I didn’t kick him out but, in tears, I sat him down and told him how much pain he was causing me and how tumultuous he was making my life. I would never let him be homeless but I also couldn’t compromise my sanity or my relationship for someone who refuses to grow up any longer.
As long as I would’ve allowed my brother to skulk in and out of my guestroom as often as he wanted he never found a job or a reason to get his own place. Now that he knows that he can’t depend on me to live, he’s grown up a bit.
My family thought that I was a complete jerk for doing it but now (a year later) they understand.
My bro is my best friend but I realized that I wasn’t doing him any favors by allowing him to be a baby forever you know?
You have to take a stand against his crappy behavior or it won’t change. Really. I know how this works. It’s hard but it doesn’t mean that you love him any less.
His relationship problems are not your problem. You have your own life to lead and your brother does too…