(Closed) ‘Oh, but you will be getting married soon’

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh love. Poor you! People saying stuff like that makes your wedding sound like a consolation prize, even though they mean well!

When you say you’re moving to be with himself, is his career specifically tied to that city? or are we talking family ties? At the end of the day, he is marrying you, as you are. You will be a very different person of you’re unhappy in a part of your life that obv means so much to you.

Post # 4
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I can see where you’re coming from.  A lot of people I know think it’s funny to fantasize about me getting pregnant just after I get married.  And while some brides would love to start off their married life like that, I personally want a couple more years to develop my career and “be myself” before momhood takes over.  People seem to think that brides’ current lives are over the second we tie the knot!  I feel like screaming, “I’ll still be the same person with the same ambitions after I’m married!”  *sigh*

Maybe it’s not so bad that your work didn’t make tons of headlines, since you’ll be moving to a different city with “different headlines” so to speak.  You still have a chance to build up a reputation there too.  I wish you the best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

And, the smaller city – where, by the way? – is there any chance you could benefit from a ‘bigger fish, smaller pond’ scenario?

Post # 6
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

If I was the person saying “but you’ll be getting married soon” I’d be trying to remind you that you still have good things in your life. To me it wouldn’t be about the fact that once you’re married you don’t have to achieve your goals, it would just be about trying to get you to look on the bright side. I can see how it would just be annoying though!

Post # 7
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m also a creative, so I understand totally. We all know how hard it is out there- and it is not all about talent. One can be talented and just never end up in the right place at the right time!

It’s tough to have it all. Women ae sometimes portrayed that way- wives, mothers, highly successful..but I just don’t think it is realistic- well, unless you want to be incredibly stressed out your  whole life.

I don’t really have the answer- I got ahead by volunteering services a lot, and really getting myself out there without expecting money to wash over me quickly. The saying “do what you love, and the money will come”…well, I thin kit is true to a degree, but you have to be willing to put in some time first. It seems like you  might be headed to the ideal situation. You’ll be in a small area without a ton of competitors and in a place wher e maybe you can stand out. I would suggest that while you are enjoying being a newlywed, and getting used to a new environment, you do some volunteer art/design/ or whatever you think might make you standd out, and hopefully the money will come.

I also believe it is true that life is what you make it. I think it’s perfectly normal to feel blue sometimes, especially when you aspects of your life are ending (School, being single), and you are headed into the unknown- but try to find ways to turn it around and focus on the excitment of your wedding (What I think people are trying to say when they say you will be married), and what interesting things lay ahead for you.

Post # 9
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Cherry, I think what is happening to you is that you are transitioning from the pie in the sky, take on the world “immaturity of youth” (not sure if immaturity is the right word…), to the realization that life isn’t like that for most of us. I think the comments people are making to you, you might be taking the wrong way, because you are in transition and are especially sensitive to it. I think that what people are trying ot say is that you are headed to an exciting time in your life and they don’t want you to miss it by focusing on something negative.

There is nothing wrong with having dreams! But, the majority of us do come to the realization at some point in our lives, that we are not going to find fame, make millions, and become the be all, end all. I am NOT saying you should not continue to strive for recognition! I just think that you are at a crossroads, where you are about to enter into a very adult life, and it can be scary…and not usually what we think…and when you are at these crossroads, you can go down a negative path of always wanting something more and never appreciating what you have, or you can go down the other path, which is to be extremely happy that you have talent, someone who loves and supports you, and your health…and the ability and drive to continue to work toward your goals. Maybe it would make you feel better to write down all of the awesome things  you have going on in your life, and reading it when you feel crappy.

Can ya tell I’m an old bat? I feel like I sound like someone’s Mom. But honestly, I have kind of been there, so I think I understand. Been there. done that, got the t-shirt…and then moved forward and enjoyed all the good things I have going on, and all the joy I get out when I show people what  I can do!

Post # 10
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Don’t give up on the art career!!!! What would you do if you were single and a starving artist? Granted, I suppose you might stay in the city, which you perhaps can’t do now. But, keep your eyes open for opportunities. I would guess if you were in business and FI was an artist he wouldn’t give up and just be a husband. In fact, my friend’s husband just got his masters and is going to stay home with the baby for a while and people think it’s a waste that he got his masters and is just staying home. I don’t agree since he wants to stay home, but if people consider it a waste for him they should consider it a waste for you too. How about teaching? Putting together new work and trying to get a local show? Get involved in a local art center.

Most of my friends have academic careers so the you’re-getting-married-you-don’t-need-a-career thing doesn’t apply, but I’d be really annoyed if people thought that being a wife should be my only goal in life if I want a career.

Post # 11
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Career-wise, the vast majority of us start from the bottom of the totem pole and painstakingly make our way up to the level of public recognition and semi-fame.  Precious few of us become super famous.  It sucks to be normal, I know!!  Hang in there… you’re still early in your career and the potential to reach your dreams is still there.

I’m scared too that all my careful wedding planning will be a flop.  It sucks to put lots of time and energy and ambition into something, and not see it go anywhere.  But we roll with the punches, keep striving to be our best, but still remember to live in the moment!

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