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I think it depends if either of you will be in each others weddings. It can be a lot to be in a wedding while planning your own. Especially if she's in your wedding, it wouldn't be fair to have yours the weekend before, when she has a lot to do for her own. And are your friends in or OOT? It would be hard for them to fly/drive in that close together too.
Good thinking points. Thank you!
Both weddings will be in town and all mutual friends are in town, so at least that makes it easy. We have both talked about it and while we would like to have each other in our weddings.. I'm pretty sure we will both have family only since we have such a big group of close friends and it would be hard to pick and choose. However, we will be pretty involved with each other's weddings I'm sure!
I think you need to wait until you are engaged to really dig your heels in.
@vmec: Well, of course concerning specifics and planning. Just want to get an idea of what the Bees think. We just had a general idea when SO and I agreed on Fall 2012 and now I'm just not sure what is appropriate to do when the time comes. Just trying to plan ahead a bit I guess.
I dealt with this with a couple different friends - 2 others getting married, same group of mutual friends. We plotted them a few months apart: April, June - that type of thing. One of the ones actually ended up breaking up, so there wasn't an issue. One of the brides (the one that actually got married) didn't care how close our wedding was to theirs - but, the other one did mind.
I think it just depends and you should talk to your friend and see if it matters. Personally, I'd pad it by at least a month, if not two - after a while, all the wedding related stuff starts to smoosh together and I'd want to enjoy the events for my friend - as well as my own planning!
I'd say do it the month before or after for your own sanity.
Once you are engaged talk to your friend about it and see what she thinks.
@gocubbies: well my opinion is that 2 weeks is the closest it should be. If you marry first I suspect there will be unintentional jealously and quite a lot of confict. I suggest at LEAST a month AFTER her... That is my view on it anyways.
@vmec: That is what I was thinking too which totally sucks because it starts to get too cold to have the outdoor wedding we wanted. I was hoping for sometime between the end of Sept to the end of Oct and she is having hers right smack dab in the middle..... bleh...
I agree with a month. That's how far apart my and my best friend's weddings are, and it's been slightly stressful, but not bad at all. Any closer and I would be beating my head on a wall.
We have friends that are getting married 2 weeks after us. Both are in town and we don't have that many mutual friends. However, luckily, we're only taking 1 week for our honeymoon so that we'll be back in time.
definitely consider honeymoons-- if you have yours before, will you want to be back that quickly for her wedding?
I am still up in arms about this! The only date that I have finally decided might be appropriate and still what SO and I want is Sept 8th. That is 5 weeks before hers.. and still "fall" weather.
But I also would feel terrible for getting engaged after her and married before her. The same large group of friends would be at both, and I feel like our weddings would be compared/judged... You know how it goes! :/
For the honeymoon, ours would be a week max so that is okay on our end :)
Well, I know last year when I was in a wedding, there was 4 weekends of wedding with similar groups of friends. And honestly no one minded. Especially if no one has to travel, 5 weekes before is plenty of time. She is an adult and picked her own wedding date. You are an adult and will pick yours. If people are going to compaire that is their issue. I wouldnt suggest the week before/after because HM would be an issue but beyond that, people get married everyday. And you get a day for your wedding, not a month. If you want a fall wedding have a fall wedding. If it bugs your friend so much you are getting married first...then she should put her big girl panties on and get over it, IMO.
@chasesgirl: You are right. A wedding lasts one day, not 5 weeks. That makes so much sense. I think I am getting too worked up about all of this and I just don't want to step on anyone's toes. Our entire group is at "that age" -- all in our mid to late 20s, so it's just a fact that there will be a lot of wedings in the next 2-3 years. I think everyone realizes that and hopefully will be understanding!
PS I love the term big girl panties, it always makes me giggle a little bit;)
I feel like the september date would be good. It isn't just the wedding that gets complicated, if you both have showers and bachelorettes things get time consuming (especially when those events would likely happen in the summer which tends to be busy with everyone to begin with).
I agree with @chasesgirl: Unless you are in each others wedding, you shouldn't make a big deal about scheduling it too close. I would try to not have it in the same location or have the same colors, but other than that, do what you want, when you want.
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SO and I have been talking about marriage for quite some time now, although a proposal is yet to happen.
A couple we are really good friends with just got engaged about a month ago, and planned on a May 2012 wedding. I was just texting her earlier and she told me now they have decided on Oct 13, 2012.
Sigh... I wanted fall 2012 for a wedding so.bad. So how close is too close? I had flirted with October 6, but obviously that isn't going to happen now. We have a ton of mutual friends... so when would be an appropriate length of time? And is it okay if we decide to have ours before theirs? I am at a loss and pretty bummed out. I just wanna elope!