Weddingbee boards

Hey Bees,

Well, it happened to me, too.  I am now dealing with massive crazy family drama.  WWBD? (What Would the Bees Do?)

My FI has one younger sister, a few years older than me.  So far, she's been nothing but great -- sweet to me, excited that we're getting married, and she even offered to throw me a bridal shower in Dallas, since my family bridal shower will happen in Pittsburgh.  Woo-hoo!!

The last time they came up from Houston, she asked me if we were having kids at the wedding.  At the time of our wedding, her son will be a little older than a year.  I told her that it's an adult evening reception and the venue, an old, restored cotton mill, is not really child friendly.  There are steps without railings, big heavy doors that have slammed on *me* and hurt me, splinters and rusty things.  She said okay, mentioned something about asking her in-laws to watch the kiddo and seemed okay with it.  I followed up my original statement by saying that if she couldn't find someone to watch him, and the alternative was their not coming, that they could of course bring their son, that we would rather have them with us than not.  Later in the car I asked FI if my answer was okay, and he said he thought it was. 

FF to yesterday.  FI has been trying to call his sister for two weeks to see what she wants for her birthday.  He's called and called, and she hasn't called him back.  Finally he emails her yesterday asking what she wants for her birthday, and she takes that opportunity to go off on him about how 1) we don't want her son at the wedding and 2) we don't want her IN the wedding.

Urgh?

First off, I never said I didn't want him there -- I was honest with her about the venue (and PS -- just because you've had a child doesn't mean it's invited to everything.  Seriously people) and she said she was going to try and find child care.  I told her if she couldn't find child care he could come.  How on earth did she get the message that I didn't want him there?

Second off, no she's not in the wedding, and yes, my FI was in her wedding.  But her wedding was a much larger affair, a few hundred I believe, and we're looking at 85.  Small wedding = small bridal party.  Also, I don't play that game of "You were in mine so I get to be in yours."  Um, no. Plus, our wedding party is comprised of two bridesmaids and two groomsmen, all friends.  So it's not as though my family is dominating the bridal party -- there's no family in the bridal party. Also, this is completely out of the blue.  Our 'maids and 'men have been set since November and it's now April.  If she was pissed about this why didn't she bring it up earlier?  

Then, to top it off, my FI emails her back and says that if she's so pissed about all of this then she doesn't have to come if it makes her so unhappy.  Sweet merciful crap.  Now, do I think she's being an out-of-the-blue raging bitch?  Yes.  But would I have told her that?  Hells no!  I would have re-iterated what I said about kids at the wedding and told her I was sorry she was unhappy about not being in the bridal party, but would she like to do a reading of some sort, or be included in some other way?

Guh, I'm at a loss.  One part of me is pissed that this is coming out of left field and she's acting like a total bitch about stuff AND that she didn't even bother to approach the problem in a rational, adult way.  Why could she not have emailed me and said, hey I'm concerned about XYZ?  I would have made fixes for her.  The sheer childishness of her behavior enrages me.  But then again, I do really like her and would hate to cause a rift because of a misunderstanding.  It's not worth it to tear families apart.  And I would be seriously sad if they decided not to come.  

FI is convinced she's just being a fussbudget and being crabby because she's stressed about other stuff.  I'm not so sure.  What would you do?  Advice?  Suggestions?  Drink suggestions for when I drown my sorrows this weekend? :p