- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
So, another vent about the family.
I am trying not to get the Bridezilla thing going on, I mean I think some brides get called that even when they are not being that way. Something about weddings brings ugly out of both the bride AND the guests. I am trying to keep peace but it is getting on my nerves.
My maternal side basically goaded me into having a courthouse ceremony, my fiance and I talked about it and decided to have it and then do the church ceremony the next year. Despite appeasing my family, we will NOT be telling them. (Judgemental cows!) Only our parents know and that is best for us. The second wedding will be a normal wedding with NO gifts. I personally feel uncomfortable about recieving gifts anyways so it was not a big factor to me. Now that I thought I pleased my mother and she would be ok knowing that the pratical matters would be taken care of, she would want to help planning the fun wedding or at least be somewhat supportive.
I guess that isn’t in the cards.
When I told my mom we would be doing the civil service (something she wanted) she changes her mind and says “Well, we could do a small wedding at the park. The families can help!” ok…there are some problems to that.
1. WE DON’T HAVE THE TIME! My fiance is leaving in October, we are getting things ready for that and that isn’t that much time for getting a proper dress, invitations and other things. I am stuck in work that won’t really calm down until September.As for the family, my fiance’s parents work all the time, they don’t have time for this. Even I know that. My father is working hard right now to get himself a place of his own (he lives with my uncle) and my mom is raising three kids at her house.
2. This isn’t a barbecue and we don’t want one. My mom said my grandmother (not her mother) could cook the food. Why the HELL would I want my grandma to go through that stress? I can easily pay someone to do it.It also is presumptious for her to assume that my grandmother is all honky dory to cook.
3. Flighty! First my mom was happy I was engaged and I showed her the venue, she was happy! Then she changed her mind, she wants us to do a civil ceremony and once we agreed to that with our own stipulation, she wants us to do a park ceremony.
Now, if our families were paying for everything I would see the point. But here is the thing, THEY ARE NOT. My fiance and I are footing the bill to BOTH weddings. Which leads to another problem.
My maternal side assumes we are broke. We are not. We are renting a small house from my in-laws which is nearby. Not because we can’t afford a place (believe me with the rent they are charging I can find a better place) but because since he will be leaving soon, he would feel better if I was near the family. We own our cars, we have some money put away for a house when we decide to buy one, and there is still enough money for me to go to college. We even have an emergency fund getting set up. We have the money for a G.D. wedding. The lovely part about this is that my family assumes the wedding budget. They don’t know how much I am saving on things, how much they cost, my budgets, my saved deals. I would tell them but then again that just gives more ammo.
I thought my mom would be supportive or at least want to look at some wedding stuff with me, but obviously not. I don’t blame her, she doesn’t have a lot of time but I thought that I could count on her to at least give some positive feedback, but all she says is “I don’t know why you are doing this.” then she gives this long conversation about things that she has no idea about because she has never been there to find out. I don’t bother even telling her anymore because I just can’t stand it. Personally if my mom was putting ANY support in this, emotional, mental, financial then I would be more responsive to her, but she hasn’t been a big part of anything I do, wedding or otherwise. She hasn’t helped me in any decisions with my life since I was 15. I know I shouldn’t be surprised but I am hurt. I thought she would care and it may seem bridezilla-ish that I want her to care, but still she’s my MOM. I am basically doing this wedding on my own (with a planner) but I thought my mom would call me with some wedding tips or send me pictures of dresses, perhaps even laughing off my jitters but so far, nothing.
I am afraid that when I go to get my dress fitted, that moment moms get won’t be there. The whole ‘my baby is growing up” tears in the eye thing, I am afraid she will shrug and say “What does it matter? You are already legally married.” I am afraid she won’t cry during my wedding or smile. I am afraid of..I don’t know what.
I don’t want my whole family finding out about the JOP wedding, I mean I will come out and tell them the truth if it is discovered but I am afraid I will be seen as silly for having the 2nd one. That is what is really holding me back from planning it really.
My mom said she wasn’t going to go to the first one if her husband can’t get a day off of work. Now, I know I am being stupid but…although this first one is just like a legal matter I kind of wanted her to be there.
My dad even cares more then she does. I am not saying I want her there for EVERY SINGLE DETAIL but just a “Hey honey, it’ll be ok” would be great.
I know I am being unreasonable but…sometimes we have to be.