Post # 1
Emily Post would spin in her grave.
We have a strict limit of 18 guests. The guest list was carefully balanced until one guest already told us they couldn’t come, so we have one open slot. That was until my FI made a big to-do about how it would be wrong to invite certain guests without allowing them to bring a +1 (they’re single male friends who haven’t had SO in all the years I’ve known them, so I doubt they’d start now). Add to that his grandmother who I was originally told was 92 and there was no way she could leave her nursing home esp. for an out-of-state trip.
All of which means we have a dreaded B list. We will have anywhere between 1 and 4 open slots, maybe. I always thought that you could tell guests that the invite was just for them and not for a +1, so now we are in limbo, just when I thought that the guest list was a done and settled deal. grrrr….
Post # 2
I plan on creating a B list. We would love to have everyone there but the reality of it is we can only afford so much..and yes…some people are closer to us than others so those who are not are going on the “B”ee-waiting list..hahaha
Post # 3
renwoman: Sometimes you just have to do it! Considering your very small capacity, I can’t say I blame you. I’d be in the same boat myself.
Post # 4
You absolutely do not need to give a plus one to guests! I had no plus ones at all. I actually only had a few single guests, and they knew plenty of people there. I think that couples in serious relationships should be invited together, but I think you have no obligation, at all, to invite random plus ones! Especially if you’re only inviting 18 people!!! That’s so small I think it would be awkward to have someone who you aren’t close with. So I’d nix the plus ones and nix the B list.
Post # 5
We’re having a B list. There’s 300 people on the A list, then 50 on the B list. If the guys doesn’t have a gf then I don’t think there’s any need to give him a plus one, especially with only 18 people!
Post # 6
When a guest list is this intimate, I see absolutely no problem with inviting single people without a +1. If you invite the single people without a +1 will you still need the B list? I’m assuming since these people made the cut that you are very close to them? I would much rather be invited to a very close friend’s wedding without a +1 then potentially not be involved because the B&G thought it would be rude to invite me with a +1.
Post # 7
We have a B list. A lot of FI’s family are from OOT and rarely attend events, so we’re not at all sure if they’ll come. However, they take up a large chunk of our guest list. Because of that, we’ve made a B list for who we’d invite if his family don’t come.
Post # 8
renwoman: FI and I talked about a “B” list, should there be people that can’t make it. We are still undecided, but I’m probably going to say no. We have a minimum that we need to spend at our venue, regardless of the number of people, so if some people can’t attend, we will just use what would be the cost of their meal/drinks and probably serve more expensive wine.
We are also having a small wedding (~38 people) and are hosting a reception dinner at a fine dining restaurant. We could lose 10 people on the guest list and and still have it small and intimate.
Post # 9
We made a B list before, but decided against it because we estimated there could be a 50% turn down rate being semi DW.
The venue holds 200, we wanted a 100 wedding. We invited over 180 (including all the +1s we know) and hoping only 100-120 show up. if more people come, we know we’re still able to cover. We just don’t want empty plates.
Post # 10
Nix the random plus ones. You are having too small of a wedding to have strangers there.
Post # 11
Emily Post (through her daughter) is not fully anti-b list. I’m not sure why so many bees assume it’s rude or wrong. If you do it correctly and discreetly, so that all invited have sufficient time for notice of the wedding, sufficient time to rsvp, and do not know that there was an A-list and a B-list, it’s fine.
“If you send out invitations in two stages, be discreet – guests must not ever know they weren’t your first choice. Mail the first set a minimum of three months before the wedding, and give those guests at least four weeks to reply. Make sure the second set also has at least four weeks to RSVP; this could push your timetable out considerably, so plan carefully. To help alleviate this, send new invitations as you receive regrets. Remember, you want a balance between sending the invitations close enough to the wedding to build excitement, and giving yourself enough time to send your final guest list to the caterer” – Anna Post