Oh my…feel like I've been kicked in the teeth

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok if I read this right…

You are saying that he is suggesting that you NOT Move in… but rather live next door in a seperate Apartment / Condo… right ?

So be Neighbours / Room-mates… vs Cohabitating Partners ?

Next Questions:

How old are you both ?

How long have you two been dating ?


Post # 4
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Jinxy:  I wouldn’t be too concerned. We saw the Sex and the City movie where Big wants to live apart for part of the week before we moved in together. I teasingly suggested to now FI that he would like that arrangement and he said in all seriousness that he would! I was super hurt but it was just because he was worried about having no ‘me-time’ when we lived together. We moved in together less than a year later and he sees that none of his concerns have come to fruition. 

Post # 6
3342 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

OMG OP, I don’t’ want to make light of your situation but I have to confess as a long married person that this is pretty much my fantasy situation!


Post # 7
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Jinxy:  After only six months, you are still getting to know each other.  Nearby but separate residences sounds like a good plan.

Post # 8
4878 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Realistically, at 53 he’s likely to be set in his ways & uncomfortable with the idea of disrupting his routine on a permanent basis.

How does he deal with all of the chaos generated by teenagers?  Do they live with him full time?

Post # 9
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

To @Jinxy:  Thanks for the Update.

Ok, I can relate a bit… being that Mr TTR & I are closer to his age range than yours.

Let’s see if I can help you think thru this a bit more (and better understand WHERE your head is at as well)

1- I take it you’ve been both married & divorced before… YES or NO

2- How long since the Divorces…

3- Was either of the Divorces really really nasty ?  Which would make one or both of you truly gun-shy to do it again.

4- Have you talked about THE IDEA of Marriage… and how either feels about it in GENERAL Terms (not you guys getting married… just Marriage in general now that you’ve been down that road previously)

5- How old are the kids… and in what grades.  How soon is Graduations… ie transitions from one school to another (here in Ontario Catholic Schools transition to Jr High / High after Grade 6… Public Schools after Grade 8 to HS… HS ends at Grade 12)


Post # 10
15 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m sorry this happened. My SO used to joke around about marriage until I made it clear that was off limits. Guys can be insensitive.  

Post # 11
5769 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Honestly if you’ve only been dating for 6 months , by the time your lease is up, that’s barely a year together, and even if he’s 53, that may be a little too soon to live together for his comfort level (and he’s probably not the only person who thinks a little more time dating would be a good thing before moving in together). It might not be a bad idea to go on month-to-month at your current place instead of signing on for another year, and set a reasonable timeline for moving in after that. If you’re even daydreaming of a proposal so soon into the relationship, you may be moving way too fast for him. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want your girlfriend/boyfriend closer but not under the same roof after just a year together, especially if you didn’t really know each other well before you got involved.


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