- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
Ok ladies, I need some major advice here. Some of you might be familiar with my millions of posts about ashas and moissanite, but here’s some background. I’ll try to keep this short.
My SO and I have talked extensively about rings. He seemed to be having a lot of trouble with finding a style of ring, so when I asked him if he just wanted me to pick it out for him, he was relieved that he wouldn’t have to make the decision himself, or worse, ask my mom or friends about it. So we agreed that I would pick it out, let him know which one, and he would take it from there.
Even though we aren’t technically engaged yet, we have chosen to get married in April2014. We want to buy a house right after we get married so we can start our life together in a new place. We both make pretty good money, but we are young and just started our jobs, so we don’t have a lot saved up for a down payment (not to mention a $2,600 a month student loan payment between the two of us. Thanks a lot, law school). So pretty much every bit of extra money either of us makes goes straight into savings for a house.
I think diamonds are beautiful, but I really don’t like them because of ethical reasons, as well as the fact that they are just way too expensive for what we’re in the market for right now. So I told him about moissanite and Asha (he wouldn’t go for a colored stone, unfortunately), and he seemed interested. I explained to him why I didn’t want a diamond and how we can get the same look for a fraction of the price. He seemed genuinely excited that he wouldn’t have to drop thousands of dollars on a ring. I personally do not care if people know my ring isn’t a diamond, but SO really wanted something that looked like a diamond, so we decided on Asha. I found a setting I loved and sent it to him. He saw it and loved it, too.
PLEASE NOTE: I really don’t want comments about how I’m “wrong” or “dishonest” for passing my Asha off as a diamond. That is not the issue here. Save it for another thread.
Well, fast forward to a few days ago. I found out from a friend who can’t keep her mouth shut that he might have the ring. And guess what, it’s a diamond! Crap!
I don’t know what to do. I feel like I can’t say anything to him now because I’m not supposed to know he even has it, and I don’t want to ruin the surprise. I thought we had agreed that diamonds are too expensive and that we’d rather have a house!
I’m torn. I do not care how big the ring, but he does, so I know if he got a diamond, it’s probably an expensive one. I can’t decide if I really should have a say in this. Like I said, we are saving for a house, but we do not have combined finances, so it is his money. Should I say something now? Or should I wait until he proposes and say something then? Or should I suck it up and wear it, and not say anything at all?
Wow, this turned out to be a lot longer than I wanted it to be. Sorry 🙁 but any advice would be appreciated!