(Closed) Oh NO!! I’m freaking out

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Is he mad at you or her? He should NOT be angry with you–this is ridiculous. He (or both of you, preferably) need to tell her, “Hey, this is the limit–if you want to invite more people, you need to help us cover the extra expense.” GL!

Post # 4
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Eeek, tough situation. I’d definitely have FI being the one communicating about this, it’s easier to have family conversations about this type of thing. Was the guest list split pretty evenly between you/FI, his folks and yours? If they’ve already used their ‘quota’ of guests, perhaps FILs will pay the overage for their 10 additional guests? I think it’s reasonable to explain that they were not in the budget and with 3 months out, that means more centerpieces and decor (I’m guessing), meals, etc, and you just can’t manage that. 

ETA: Ditto Mrs. Grape…I hope he’s not angry with you! That’d not be right.

Post # 6
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Two options here:

 

1. No sorry, it’s too late, everything is ordered and paid for.  Maybe we could have breakfast with them day before

 

2. Sure, but you’ll need to pay.  then calculate up EXACTLY how much extra it would cost for those 10 people and give her the figure.

Post # 7
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

If your reluctance is really just a matter of budget, could you talk to your parents about the possibility of his family cutting them a cheque to cover their extra guests?  They may be more receptive to it than you think if it comes across that they want to pay for their “last minute” guests.

Post # 9
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

In that case, I’d wrap the whole deal up with FI’s parents and get the costs figured out, etc, and then deposit the check into the wedding fund or having your mom take care of it. Then explain that it’s been taken care of. The extra stress on your dad is SO not worth it. 

Post # 11
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

As mentioned before, that is a difficult situation. I can only speak for myself and what I would do if I were in your shoes. In this case, the most important issue here is the health of your father. This would obviously come first to me, thereafter, I would add up the total for the 10 individuals your FMIL wants to invite and then I would speak with her about these costs as well as your father’s health; and the effort your parents are already making to cover everything. I would assume that at this point, given how the conversation goes/how receptive your FMIL is, I would then decide wether it is appropriate to accept a check from her or to simply tell her that at this point in the process it would be too much of a hassle to add that many individuals to the party. Good luck!!!

Post # 12
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think just try to slow yourself down at the moment and let FI handle it and see what happens.  Perhaps your MIL could pay the extra.  Just remember that everythig always works out in the end 🙂

 

Post # 13
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

I think your options are you either need to say no to the added guest or tally up the total cost of food, extra linens, and flowers and give her that #. If she wants to pay then let her, if not then that’s the answer.  If your concerned about your father’s health, I wouldn’t even bring it up to your family until you know if your FMIL is paying for the extra cost. My take is this: if your MIL really wants to have these people there, she will pay and make it happen. It’s not uncommon that the FIL’a pay for extra guest outside of the budgeted number.

I was on a very tight budget, my family, me and my DH scaled back big time on our list, while my MIL just thought we would invite all 30+ people on her list ( she wasn’t helping out with the costs of anything) We explained our situation to her, reasonable people I think will understand, however, she was not, she was angry but also refused to pay for those extra people so they didn’t get an invite. And to me that means I guess they weren’t that important to you to invite then. In my situation, my MIL felt that HER GIFT to us was inviting all these people at the expense of my parents, which is very unfair and not right at all.

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