Post # 1
Ok so here is the situation. I love my FMIL dearly. I do! She is a sweet lady and very fun to be around.
Here is the problem. I don’t know what miscommunication too place, but my FI just heard his Mom say that she wants to invite 10 people to the wedding now. The wedding is being paid for by my parents and its a lot of money per person, and there are only 3 months until the big day. Honestly 10 people is over 1000$ this close, about 100 days out. I feel awful, but I feel like I need to say there isn’t room in the budget for them.
My family and I pared down our side until it is only family and my extremely close friends. In fact, all but two of my friends is in the bridal party.
I have spoken to my FI and he said he would talk to her to see if she can narrow it down to 4, but I feel so badly and he is so mad. I don’t know what to do!
Do you have any ideas?
Post # 3
Is he mad at you or her? He should NOT be angry with you–this is ridiculous. He (or both of you, preferably) need to tell her, “Hey, this is the limit–if you want to invite more people, you need to help us cover the extra expense.” GL!
Post # 4
Eeek, tough situation. I’d definitely have FI being the one communicating about this, it’s easier to have family conversations about this type of thing. Was the guest list split pretty evenly between you/FI, his folks and yours? If they’ve already used their ‘quota’ of guests, perhaps FILs will pay the overage for their 10 additional guests? I think it’s reasonable to explain that they were not in the budget and with 3 months out, that means more centerpieces and decor (I’m guessing), meals, etc, and you just can’t manage that.
ETA: Ditto Mrs. Grape…I hope he’s not angry with you! That’d not be right.
Post # 5
OH NO!! He is totally on board with me that this is out of left field, he even went so far as to call it “lunacy”. I think she did offer to cover the extra expense, but it is 8 per table so there would be more for table linens and an extra flower arrangement and food and alcohol. There are so many vendors and my parents will feel obligated and pressured and awkward accepting a check from her, and its not like she can call up the linen lady “hey I’d like to pay for one table” and then the florist “I would like to pay for one flower arrangement” and the favors and the parking and on and on. It would be like paying for a wedding for 10 people!
Post # 6
Two options here:
1. No sorry, it’s too late, everything is ordered and paid for. Maybe we could have breakfast with them day before
2. Sure, but you’ll need to pay. then calculate up EXACTLY how much extra it would cost for those 10 people and give her the figure.
Post # 7
If your reluctance is really just a matter of budget, could you talk to your parents about the possibility of his family cutting them a cheque to cover their extra guests? They may be more receptive to it than you think if it comes across that they want to pay for their “last minute” guests.
Post # 8
Yeah this is about budget and a little more, my dad has had 2 heart attacks in the past. He has always been stressed out about money and business, and budget means a lot to me in this situation. It is stressing me out because of his health and the costs.
Post # 9
In that case, I’d wrap the whole deal up with FI’s parents and get the costs figured out, etc, and then deposit the check into the wedding fund or having your mom take care of it. Then explain that it’s been taken care of. The extra stress on your dad is SO not worth it.
Post # 10
He took care of it over a phone call. Only one couple, life is tranquil again. Thank you for your support and listening to me bees! Have a good night.
Post # 11
As mentioned before, that is a difficult situation. I can only speak for myself and what I would do if I were in your shoes. In this case, the most important issue here is the health of your father. This would obviously come first to me, thereafter, I would add up the total for the 10 individuals your FMIL wants to invite and then I would speak with her about these costs as well as your father’s health; and the effort your parents are already making to cover everything. I would assume that at this point, given how the conversation goes/how receptive your FMIL is, I would then decide wether it is appropriate to accept a check from her or to simply tell her that at this point in the process it would be too much of a hassle to add that many individuals to the party. Good luck!!!
Post # 12
I think just try to slow yourself down at the moment and let FI handle it and see what happens. Perhaps your MIL could pay the extra. Just remember that everythig always works out in the end 🙂
Post # 13
I think your options are you either need to say no to the added guest or tally up the total cost of food, extra linens, and flowers and give her that #. If she wants to pay then let her, if not then that’s the answer. If your concerned about your father’s health, I wouldn’t even bring it up to your family until you know if your FMIL is paying for the extra cost. My take is this: if your MIL really wants to have these people there, she will pay and make it happen. It’s not uncommon that the FIL’a pay for extra guest outside of the budgeted number.
I was on a very tight budget, my family, me and my DH scaled back big time on our list, while my MIL just thought we would invite all 30+ people on her list ( she wasn’t helping out with the costs of anything) We explained our situation to her, reasonable people I think will understand, however, she was not, she was angry but also refused to pay for those extra people so they didn’t get an invite. And to me that means I guess they weren’t that important to you to invite then. In my situation, my MIL felt that HER GIFT to us was inviting all these people at the expense of my parents, which is very unfair and not right at all.