(Closed) OH NO… she expects shes a BM… but she’s not, what do I say?! please help

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Have you had contact with the other two girls since you graduated?  If so, you could say that you wanted people that you have a continuing relationship with to be BMs but you still think of her as a good friend from college.

Post # 4
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have this same problem. My friend expects to be a BM but I’m not that close to her. I have currently just been ignoring her comments about the wedding. Then when I launch my wedding website, there is a page for the bridal party with pictures and everything. Hopefully she will go on there, see she’s not listed as a BM and get the hint, because I can’t bring myself to flat out tell her. I wouldn’t know what to say in your situation either, it’s just so awkward when people assume they are going to be part of your wedding!

Post # 7
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

I think that not inviting a friend to be a bridesmaid should be fine.  I read this post out of curiousity because I once had a friend let me know that she was only having her sister as an attendant.  Which was completely fine with me, except that she wanted me to do everything that a bridesmaid does… and then some…  which made it not so cool. 

Post # 8
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My SIL assumed she’d be a bridesmaid although I didn’t want her as one because she’s often not nice or supportive. Anyhoo, I just finally had to tell her straight out. I said I was having a really small wedding party and asking just old friends (which is true). Also, I asked her 2 girls (my nieces) to be FGs, so she wasn’t totally dissed. And I got her a corsage and invited her to walk down with/before the girls if she wanted (she didn’t). I think it turned out OK. If her feelings were hurt, she didn’t show it.

Post # 9
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i dont understand why she thinks she is a BM when u were never that close? is it just because u shared a room?

Post # 10
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This happened to me. I assumed I would be in my friends bridal party and I would talk to her about helping her with her wedding ect.  She said talk to the MOH and gave me her number.  Then when the website launched I was not in the bridal party.  I was hurt bc I thought we were close but I understood not everyone can be in the bridal party.  Well one BM decided to take a trip oversees during her wedding and another friend didnt like the BM dress so they both backed out 4 weeks before the wedding.  Well I guess I got to be a BM afterall.  I knew I would make a better BM anyways. 

Maybe you could have her read or be a candel lighter and just explain to her that there are not enough groomsmen.  Or just let her wait and see the website.

For me I will ask any friend that might expect to be asked and I will have 5 BM and I think only 3 to 4 groomsmen.  But I dont care.  I dont want feelings hurt bc I know how it feels.  If someone is excited about being a part of my wedding then I dont mind having them in the bridal party

Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@sweetpea1031:haha that said I do have friends who think they are closer to me than they really are.. its a shame that this happens lol. 

Post # 13
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

don’t be rude!  Don’t say antything at all about the bridesmaids.. if she asks who the bridesmaids are, simply tell her.  If she asks rudely why she isn’t one, just say ‘oh unfortunately I’ve already chosen 2 (or whatever)’.  You don’t need to give her an explanation. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

it’s ok..everyone heals from hurt..  if she’s that crushed she may break off the friendship but that would indicate that she’s not really a true friend to begin with. Stay positive and keep enjoying this time.  Please remember, that no matter what you do during wedding time, someone will disagree with your decisions.. try to roll with it and only negotiate with your fiance. 

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