- 4 years ago
Well, the SO and I have had a rough week…First I almost killed him on Wednesday (I posted about that) then on Thursday I threw my back out and my mom and I got in a huge fight and friday morning an ex emailed me then he was following me when I was driving around….but then came Friday night:(
I was driving up to his house and his soon-to be-ex wife was there packing up stuff, it ended up resulting in me hanging out at his parents house for 3 hours while he went over there to talk to her.
The result was amazing- he told her she needed to get everything OUT (first time he has taken a stand to this), said TaterTot needs space now and this can’t go on forever. They also discussed the papers and the date that he would be receiving them.
Well, I got emotional. He told me that he wants to try and stay friends with her (she is sick and he was very thrown off by how she looked when he saw her) and I lost it. I don’t know why- probably just all the stress from the week. I cried and said I didn’t know if I was ok with that. We got in a huge fight (our first one in 6 months). We got home and things were ok, but then going to bed I started crying again he asked what was wrong, I said nothing because I didn’t want to get into it. I didn’t sleep all night…not just because of him, mainly because of my mom. IN the morning he came downstairs and asked me why i was up so early. I told him I had trouble sleeping and I had some nightmares. He asked what they were about and I said I didnt want to talk about it and he got pissed. We then went for a drive and I told him everything about my mom/nightmares of him dying (from early in the week) and about the ex stalking me. We got back to his house and he told me to go to my apartment and sleep for a bit cause I was acting crazy.
I went home, he called a few hours later and we went out with his family. I thought things were better, then we got back to the house and he started yelling at me. He told me that last night was crazy and the more he thought about it the more upset he got. He said he always seems to find crazy girls and I was acting just like his ex. We got back to work and things were fine, then I suggested that I spend the night at my apartment, he said no why would I do that?
Then we went to walmart to buy his beer for golf the next day…I forgot my ID at his house and they wouldnt let us buy it (fuel to the fire) then we went to get dinner and he wouldn’t even look at me he just kept saying he just wants things to be normal again. I couldn’t eat and then he got mad at me for wasting money.
On the drive home I said he was acting weird and he said he just doesn’t want me to touch him right now and when I act like the way I did last night he doesn’t see a future with me…but that is what dating is about and he was sure that he does things that makes me question him sometimes too. He said he loves me and doesn’t want to break up but he is definitely questioning things based off my recent behavior and that he feels like he was walking on eggshells.
He also said that my reaction proves that I do not trust him and no relationship can last if there isn’t trust. He said he has always been honest with me and I should know that if his feelings towards her changed he would be upfront about it (I KNOW this). I told him that I trust him with my whole heart and I explained that after going home and thinking about it I know that he would tell me if something went wrong and I really am fine with him seeing his ex as friends (and yes, I really am). He also said he thought I was making up the ex-stalking story to make him feel bad. I explained it was all true and I was genuinely scared. He also accused me of walking away from him pissed at the tractor pull (not true and we realized it was a miscommunication- I was just bored listening to “guy talk” so I walked away) and he reminded me he hates holding hands and I kept trying to do it, and that I always ask him about his phone and he HATES it when I look over his shoulder/ask who he texted/etc.
I of course apologized profously and said it wouldnt happen again. I did have a crying fit at the beginning of july that he kept bringing up. (It was due to drinking 15 beers in 4 hours and getting lost in the dark, but I did get into being upset about the divorce taking so long) He said that I have been acting so differently and that he has so much stress in his life (TRUE) that our relationship has to be fun and upbeat again.
When he got home on Sunday night he seemed almost back to normal, we worked on the lawn for about 5 hours, not talking because we were on separate sides, then I made dinner and we talked a bit about normal things…we weren’t laughing and joking, but we were normal. I asked him if he was too tired to have sex and he said yes (he did play golf all day then we worked on the lawn for 5 hours and he has issues with lasting when he is tired, so it made sense)
He woke up in the morning and we did have sex and he was his normal happy self, hugging me and I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too. I came up to visit my parents last night and he did his own thing…he called me and left a message and said he loved me and would call me later that night when he got done with stuff but it would be late. I text him back and said to have fun and we can just talk tomorrow if it is late and I love him too. I haven’t heard from him yet today but he is at work.
I know that I am the reason why he got so mad and he brought up valid reasons why he has been feeling upset lately. Valid things that I see in myself that are inappropriate and that I need to change. I am very willing to change these things. I think that I have had so much time off (I am a teacher) that I have been overly sensitive and I have had to much time to over think things…which has led me to be too available and too critical of him. I am not usually like this and I know I can change.
Do you think I can save my relationship? I love him so much and he was making an effort to have things work for us. I feel so bad that one day he was telling his ex to get the stuff out because he wants US to have a future, then the next day I made him question it 🙁
Does this happen with all first fights in relationships? I really have never met anyone like him before and even though he is on his way to acting normal, I am freaking out!
ETA: Do you think he really does not see a future with me now, or was it the heat of the fight talking? It sounded like he got pissed and just aired all his greviances that he had been holding on to.