- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2008
Ugh. Our flower girl and a groomsman (her dad) have dropped out. They are our neighbors and have been good friends for the past couple years. We asked them back in july and they were ecstatic to have their daughter be a part of the wedding and he was (seemingly) excited to be a part of FI’s groomsmen.
Then, his wife gets pregnant. In the early part of the year, we didn’t hear from them for a while, so we weren’t sure what was going on. When he finally surfaces again and hangs out with Fiance he tells him that they are planning on moving and he’s trying to get transferred to TN. So, Fiance said to him “listen, we know things are going to be stressful for you around that time, is this groosman thing still going to work out?” and he was VERy adamant that he was going to honor the committment and wanted to be a part of it etc.
In March, I approched his wife/flower girls mom. I said, hey, you’re super pregnant, I don’t want to put more stress on you, I want you to be honest with me about whether or not this is doable for you. I TOTALLY understand if this is not going to work out, I just want to know. The last thing I want to do is put you under more stress. She said “oh no, it’s fine. we want to be a part of if (flower girls’ name) is so excited to do it! etc etc.
So, on Thursday, his wife/flower girl’s mom calls me and says “i think we’re going to have to pull (flower girl’s name) out. Our closing date got moved to the Saturday before your wedding and I dn’t thinkit’s going to work”. So I said, okay fine. That’s honestly fine. One less thing for me to worry about.
Then, today. The groomsman who Fiance has been friends with for a couple of years comes over and is like “listen, I just don’ tknow if it’s going to work out. we’re moving the week before, it’s going to be expensive to come back for the wedding, etc”.
So…WTF. I am well aware that it’s inconvenient. THAT’S WHY WE TRIED TO CONFRONT HIM ABOUT THIS IN THE WINTER. We opened it up for him to say “yeah, I don’t want to leave you hanging and I”m not sure what’s going to be happening at that point, so maybe I should just bow out”. I have seen a trillion times on WB that myw edding does not trump a new baby or someone else’s life changes, but that is exactly why we approached this topic months and months ago. Now, four weeks away, and he’s totaly screwing us. I know it’s not the end of the world, but I mean WTF. There was no move and no pregnancy when we asked them to be a part of the wedding, so I figure if you committ to that, you honor that commitment DESPITE the fact that you’re life has some changes.
Or at least, that’s what I would do. If Fiance was in this position I’d say “sorry babe, it’s going to suck to travel back there but YOU committed. He asked you months ago if this was going to work out and you recommitted again, so you need to be there and suck it up. if not, you’re just going to look like an asshole and end up screwing them”.
When he came to ask Fiance this, he kinda hinted towards “is there someone else that can do it?” um, no. not 30 days out, that’s super rude to ask someone to be a back up, in my opinion. Fiance sent him this:
“we talked about it and really we get married in 4 weeks. There isnt anything we can change if you don’t end up coming. It’s just too soon to ask someone else. I definitely would like you to be there, you’ve been a good friend for the past few years. But if it isn’t going to happen, that’s just the way it is. I had a feeling this might be tough for you, that’s why I decided to talk to you about this months ago. we really do understand and are well aware of what y’all have going on, but it’s just going to have to be a decision that you make not me. Our wedding is right around the corner and it’s kinda too late for us to do anything at this point. We just feel it would be inappropriate to ask someone else to step in as a back up at this point. We do at least need y’all to RSVP by Friday, we need a final headcount soon. The timing definitely sucks, I know. We know you’ve had a tough run here lately”
What are your thougths?? Am I too irritated about this, or are we right in feeling that we’ve kinda gotten the short end of the stick in this scenario, and even tried to prevent it by approaching the subject months ago?
This just means yet another thing I have to worry about orchestrating the logistics of, that I thought was already figured out. And honestly, months ago I was not irritated by the though of uneven bridal party. But now? I don’t want them to be uneven!! And mostly, I am just super pissed that this is happening so soon, when we basically GAVE HIM an out, 4-5 months ago.