Post # 1
My fiance and I have been going out for over 4 years. The family has always loved me as I have been involved for much longer than just the 4 years (his sister is my BFF). I was always the one that was going to get married first, have the first grandchild, etc etc.
Well, a little over a year ago his step brother brings home some girl. She was super quiet and shy and just plain boring. She never makes an effort to be nice or say anything at all really. Just annoying little laughs every now and again.
Last September my fiance calls me to tell me that they got engaged. This was super annoying because we still weren’t engaged and I was dying for that. She was going to plan the wedding the weekend before a best friend’s wedding (so rude). Well, october I get another call from my fiance, she is pregnant……
I was SO upset. THey bumped the wedding to January 2010 and the baby was born July 4th. Since she became pregnant she can do no wrong, she is the obvious favorite, she gets everything she wants and she is quite a spoiled princess. They moved in with the parents, took over 3 bedrooms, the mom cooks and cleans for them, the husband bought her a car, and she hasn’t had a job in years. She is 23.
I really don’t want her at the wedding, but obviously that isn’t an option. I know she either won’t come to the bridal shower or will without a gift (despite the fact that we got them MANY gifts super last minute) and then she is going to sit there alone and stare off during the wedding. UGH.
I don’t know what to do but I hate her and her horrible irresponsibility level. PLUS, everytime I go over there she is drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, and having coffee…..as if she isn’t breastfeeding or something! How horrible is that for the baby? SO horrible. I brought it up to my fiance’s mom and she told me to stay out of it. Really, she can do no wrong, even if it is hurting the baby.
I don’t know what to do.
Post # 3
Do about what, exactly? From your own post, this girl hasn’t done anything to you – you’re just angry she got engaged, married and pregnant before you. Let it go.
Post # 4
I’m not saying this in a mean light by no means…but why do you care what she does? I mean I would totally understand if you were scared she would act out or cause a scene…but just stare off into space? So what?
I totally understand being upset she’s getting the attention of the family, but she had the first grandchild and she lives with your SO’s parents…naturally they are going to be closer to her and the child.
I think probably the best thing to do in this situation is to let go of the hurt and jealous feelings, and move on with y’alls life/marriage/professional situation.
I’m not trying to be harsh, I just think that sometimes we get to close to situations sometimes to see. And obviously there might be more to this than what’s in your post as well.
Either way good luck!
Post # 5
What are you asking for advice on? You hate this girl even though she’s done nothing to you. I agree that it sounds like you’re jealous. Just minimize contact, I guess.
Post # 6
i feel sorry for this girl. i’m sure a shotgun wedding and living with her in-laws wasn’t her dream plan. i’d try and be a shoulder for her.
Post # 7
You Future Sister-In-Law does have a job…she has a baby. Are you suggesting that all stay at home mothers are useless?
Other than smoking while nursing, I don’t see what she has done to offend you so much. Your post radiates a lot of jealousy and resentment and it sounds like your future in-laws have picked up on it and don’t like it. For the sake of family harmony, you’re going to have to be a little more charitable. When you get pregnant, I’m sure there will be a big fuss over you too. Just try to focus on your own life and happiness and don’t let your bitterness that someone managed to marry and procreate before you ruin your life.
Post # 8
Your Future Mother-In-Law was right-you should stay out of it.
I’m not sureprised she is quiet and reserved around you…you sound extremely judgemental and rude.
Post # 9
hate is a strong word… I dont really get this either… she doesnt sound like a horrible person to me… I think you never gave her a chance, and the fact is that your step brother CHOSE her… so why are you placing all this blame on her only, it’s half him too. Besides, I truly dont see anything wrong with her getting married and having a baby first, and her living with the inlaws is their decision… I think you need to reread your post, and maybe you will see what everyone is saying, it does sound like jealousy issues to me, sorry.
Post # 10
I’m not quite sure why you complained to your Future Mother-In-Law. What exactly were you looking for? Did you think she was going to trash talk the mother of her grandchild?
I’m sure it’s not fun to feel like she’s come in and stolen your special role in the family. But instead of trying to compete with her, maybe try to get to know her and see her as a friend. If nothing else, she’s likely going to be a part of your life in some way forever, so you may as well try to figure out a way to at least tolerate, if not get along with her.
Post # 11
Sounds like your SIL is shy and not in the best situation. I highly doubt she had in her mind that she’d come in and steal your thunder. The “only” negative thing I see is her smoking while breastfeeding/smoking aroudn the baby.
It just sounds like you are jealous that she had the “first grandchild” and took you special spot away.
Have you tried to talk to her? Befriend her? Or have you just written her off as “too quiet and boring” from the start?
I would think it would be REALLY hard for her to come into this kind of situation especially with the hostility she’s probably picking up on from you.
Post # 12
I’ll have to agree with the others-I don’t see what she has specifically done to you. It just seems like you are annoyed that she lives with your MIL? It sucks that you don’t get to have the first grandchild but other than that I can’t really see a reason for you to be too upset.
Post # 13
So, far, the only thing I see that she’s done is smoke/drink when nursing a baby…I don’t know if drinking is bad, but smoking definitely isn’t cool. As for that, what exactly has she done? It almost sounds like you more so have a chip on your shoulder because she stole the spotlight and become the first to get married and have a baby….which is just life. There’s no rule out there that specifies who gets married first or has a baby first…She may be quiet and shy, and if your words, boring…but…maybe she thinks you’re loud, obnoxious and too wild. I’m totally not saying you are, I’m just saying, don’t hate on someone because they are too quiet & shy because you don’t know…maybe she doesn’t like your personality. I personally tend to be on the quiet/shy side when I’m around a group of people. I HATE being around large groups because I tend to get really jittery/anxious/feel clostrophic. Thankfully I have a great group of family/friends that are accepting and understanding when I do have to be around groups. And you can ask anyone that I’m close to and they will tell you I’m one of the most outgoing people they know….once they get to know me. And honestly, it doesn’t sound like you have created a welcoming environment for her to come out of her shell. Even if you haven’t vocally expressed your dislike for her, she probably senses it.
Post # 14
You sound totally jealous of this girl. What has she actually done but be different than you and not be outgoing? Sounds like your pissed off because she got married and pregnant before you and your mad because her in-laws are giving her more attention than you. I think you need to get over and quit being so cold towards her. She has a child who will one day be your niece or nephew. Your mother-in-law is right. Yoi do need to mind your own business because it does not effect you how they raise their children.
Post # 15
Is this for real?? If so, please just calm down and focus on yourself and your Fiance.