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Who did you have to explain this to? And are you standing your ground?
To who? I think even most of the registry websites explain that they are for use in shower invites. :)
Oh, I meant to say that in the first one. Oops. Explaining to my mom and FI and yes I am standing my ground. I told them they can be put in the shower invitations, but not the actual invitations.
I always thought that they went in the invatations. Any wedding I have been invited to has included them (not the ones from the store but a little note that matched the invite.)
We registered at The Bay last night and they gave us really cute ones ... I am going to give them to my MOH for shower invites.. If we are mentioning where we are registered in the invites it will match and just be a little note.
Ok, at the risk of sounding a bit "witchy" (and on my first post out of my lurker status nontheless, yikes!) I have to agree with you. We just registered last weekend and I was appalled at those little cards. Don't people know etiquette anymore? Apparently not as retailers are providing these cards. It is absolutely not acceptable to include the word "gift" or anything about a registry in an invitation period. Gifts are not to be expected and doing so suggests that they are. Stand your ground, girl!
Hmm.. I hadn't thought about using them for the shower invites. I just put the following with a reception map that I attached. "The Bride and Groom are registered at ___"
it pisses me off that stores even give them to brides at all. some don't know better and think it's ok to use them. plus, its a waste of paper.
:D a LOT of brides put them in invites i have learned. (i actually did a poll on it lol!!) um yeah i wouldn't do it, i'm a prude like that!!
Yeah that really makes me uncomfortable that they do that. I didn't have a shower because most of my friends did not live where I was living when we got married so I ended up having no use for them at all. The only way people found out where we were registered was through our wedding website or word of mouth. I really didn't think it was appropriate to have a card saying 'buy me things from here' in the invitation.
blech, I would never want to put them in the invitations, personally
We ended up with way too many of these registry cards, too. Honestly, I recycled most of them.
When offered them at macys this weekend, I just said no thank you. Best to nip that situation in the bud.
I registered online at a couple of places and got sent a ton of them... it was HORRIBLE because I was so mad they used up so many resources getting them to me!
@Samisomsam, I completely agree with you. I'd just put them straight in the recycle bin and spread the info via word of mouth as it should be.
*shrug*
I guess I don't really understand why this is a faux pas. Yes, gifts shouldn't be expected, but lets be honest, you're going to get gifts ... and those who are buying you gifts are going to wan to know where you are registered. And if someone is invited, and isn't planning on getting you a gift, then they can toss the little registry card.
In my eye, saves a lot of time telling people individually when they ask where you are registered.
@littlemissseptember2010, I totally agree! I'm all about not inconveniencing my guests, and I'm not setting up a wedding website just so I can send them on an information chase. I don't know that many would know to look there anyway, it's not common in my experience - both the weddings I went to this year had such information with the invite and I appreciated it, and I'm pretty sure my guests will too :)
It's supposed to be put on your shower invites, because the purpose of it is to "shower" you with gifts. As far as the invites go, its considered bad etiquette to have it on your invitation, or included with your invitations. It's supposed to be spread via word of mouth...
BUT, I have received many invitations with it included, and I never found it offensive.
I'm confused..... I thought the whole point of a registry was to tell people what gifts you wanted. Weren't they created so people know what gifts to buy? How do you convey this to your guests appropriately?
Etiquette-wise it's not okay to include registry info inside the invite. Now-a-days many people do to make it easier for thier guests etc, but I really look at it as soliciting yourself for a gift, rather than just requesting your guests' attendance. Its really an individual decision, and knowing your friends and family and guest list will help you decide what is best for your crew.
When we registered at Bed Bath and Beyond I gave them back. We don't need them. I think its a huge faux pas to use them in wedding invitations, so we're obviously not doing that. I'm having several showers, but the hostesses will include registry information on the shower invitation.
It does seem a bit different to not expect gifts, we've all been to weddings, people get gifts. I think it's more that shouldn't be part of the invite because it can come off come as we're having a party and this is what we want. Whereas, if someone wants to get you something, all they have to do is put your name in google and the registry will come up, or just ask someone. Although most people don't flinch if they see a registry card in the invite there are some that think it's inapproriate to invite someone and ask for a gift in the same breath (or in the same envelope).
This can definitely be a hot button issue, but honestly, I'm not sure that it's considered universally bad etiquette anymore. It's been a long time since I've received an invitation without one. People want to get you gifts for your wedding, and showers are not generally for everyone invited to the wedding. So, there will be questions of wedding presents as opposed to shower gifts.
It's still bad etiquette. If you get gifts, that's up to your guests. Yes, most will give you a gift, but to put it on the invite sends the message that you EXPECT a gift, not appreicate one.
Is it considered bad etiquette to include an insert card pointing guests towards your wedding website in your invitation package? We'll have registry information as well as short bios of our wedding party and accommodation info on our wedding website. Even though the address is on our save the dates, I figure people might forget between the time they get our STDs and our invites. I feel like that might be less 'faux-pas'-y than registry inserts in invitations, but I also feel like some people might still turn up their noses at this.
See, I don't think the registry cards tell your guests that you expect a gift. That's like saying the invitation is to let them know that they have to be there. It's their choice. I doubt highly that anyone has ever felt a true pressure to purchase a gift so much so that they were offended when a registry gift card was included in a wedding. I know when I received one, I wasn't assuming that I had to buy them anything. It's up to the invitee in the end anyway.
But the invitation is inviting them to come to your party, so then using that logic including the registry card is inviting them to get you a gift. I don't think most people really care either way when they receive an invite but that's my understanding of why it's suggested to leave them out.
Whenever I go to weddings, I just put their names into a bunch of online registries until they pop up somewhere. I think most people are resourceful like that.
@diorable
Wouldn't it just be so much easier if the registry information was already included.
The etiquette gods are going to be pissed at me when it comes time to do the invites etc.
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I spent twenty minutes on sunday trying to explain why under no circumstances I am not putting the registry cards with my invitations (even though Bed, Bath, and Beyond was SO GRACIOUS to give us 300 of them). Oh dear.