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Not to add to your frustration or anything but these sales people do have a point (to a point). Between now and your wedding a year from now, you are going to change you mind on a lot of things. You also have the luxery of being able to price shop and get better deals for yourself on the same items.
Obviously it is nice to get some things checked off quickly (I also like to make progress on a list) and some things ARE important to get done early. Booking a venue, a caterer (but no need to finalize a menu), and start looking into things like DJs, bands, photographers, etc that can get quickly booked and no longer be available for you date. You can even start hunting for your dress and dresses for your bridesmaids.
But there is no need yet to start designing floral arrangements, picking linens, finalizing food, writing the ceremony, setting a must-play music list, getting boys measured for tuxes, getting favors, etc. So if these are the type of things you're looking to do - hold off a bit. Sometimes the sales people are right.
I'm with you on this one. I like to get things done early. I didn't book the tables I wanted because my rental vendor told me they had lots and they were rarely rented. Well wouldn't you know when I tried to add them to my order a couple months ago, they weren't available. Stick to your guns! Either the vendor wants your money and will book things for you, or you move on and find someone else! AND a year goes by really fast!
One of the best pieces of advice I've been given so far (from a recently married bride) was "Everyone will tell you that you have plenty of time...ignore them!!" I'm a planner and as soon as we set the date for the wedding I got onto planning. The first thing you have to do is set a budget and that is hard to do if you have no idea what you are doing for the wedding. On the flip side I was so eager to book a reception venue that I did it right away with little research and at one point I regretted that decision (although now I'm ok with it). The things that have helped me are to make a timeline of when to do what and to stick to the timeline I got in a wedding planning book. It gives me something to look forward to and I don't have to worry if it is the "right time" to be working on something. The other plus of the timeline is I can really focus on each step and then make sure that I have really thought about all my options and I end up happy with my decisions.
Okay, I'm SO glad you started this thread because one of my BIGGEST regrets looking back is NOT lying to the bridal gown shop about my wedding date!! They intentionally waited until the last possible second to get my gown in and after months of nightmares about not having a dress and general stress, it was 2 sizes too small! And I had lost weight since they measured me! So long story short, we had about 2 weeks to fix it but they were the most stressful two weeks of my life and it could have all been avoided if I had just lied about the date.
Think about it - the dress shop doesn't need to know the truth, they aren't doing anythign day-of! This is my biggest piece of advice to brides planning a wedding.
Also, with other vendors, I would say that your wedding is a date that is 6 months away and after you've gotten their attention say you changed the date. Just don't do this with the venue or photographer since you need to make sure they are actually available on your date.
I understand that some people jump the gun on some things, but everyone has their own timeline, and I have my own. I just don't like to be brushed off that way.
@algregory76: Can you give us a little more explanation about what types of things you are being brushed off on? I completely understand what you are saying about everyone having their own timeline and that people should respect yours. Everyone plans and goes about things differently.
Just something to keep in mind, vendors also often have timelines that they stick to in order to prioritize and keep themselves sane. Examples: Your florist isn't going to want to design your flowers a year out because he/she has SOOOO many other wedding between now and then that, at this point, have priority over your event. Same goes for working out ceremony details with a pastor/minister/etc or making song lists with the DJ. They have to work with the more pressing, shorter timeline events now because they only have so much time in their days too. Therefore, out of necessity for their scheduling, details of your event need to be saved for later.
i understand how you feel, we only had a 13 month engagement and we even didn't start planning for 2 months afterward cuz we were so busy with our new house. and i still got the "oh you have plenty of time" attitude.
the onlyl place that didnt give me that was the dress shop, they were happy i was there early :)...
anyway, i don't mind the presumption, but i am SOOO an a-type that just needs to get her "to-do" list done ASAP! it's frustrating when things out of your control get in the way!
hang in there!!
I actually fired a vendor over this very matter.
I booked her in January. She told me she would have invitation proofs to me by the end of the March. Nothing. Then the end of April. Nothing. In early May I asked her to please have a proof to me by the end of the week. She said I shouldn't need anything yet because my wedding wasn't until October. She I hired someone else who had me proofs within 24 hours :)
I plan events for my job and am very organized. My whole strategy with the wedding is to get things done as soon as I can so that I'm not scrambling to do everything in September. I think that when you're paying someone they should do things, within reason of course, on your timeline!
@Mrs.KMM: I met with my florist about a year in advance of my wedding. We looked at my inspiration photos, made tons of decisions and I gave her my deposit. She was more than happy to get the details ironed out well in advance to make sure she would have the right flowers, etc, but also so that if there were some sort of crazy rose epidemic she could let me know in as far in advance as possible! I booked my DJ and officiant around the same time, but both of them gave me worksheets and deadlines for what I needed to provide to them. I agree, not all decisions need to be made now, but in order to get the vendors you want, you need to book well in advance. My vendors seemed to have no problem with taking an hour to meet with me to discuss our wedding, and what we wanted. If they didn't do that they wouldn't have any business the next year!
I understand and I am with you 100% on this. Once I make up my mind and commit - that is it for me. So, I completely agree that I want to be able to mark things off of my list and get them done now... not in 6 months!
@bakerella: I'm not saying not to meet with them and get things booked because you're right, people do get booked up so to get the vendors you want you have to book early (we did this too - it is necessary when planning a wedding). But there is a big difference between booking and hashing out initial ideas and plans a year out (totally fine and reasonable) and trying to iron out all the little details and tiny decisions a year out (jumping the gun a little bit, IMO).
Oh...I'm definately talking about the basics and trying to figure out my costs.
@algregory76: If that's the case, then I'm in total agreement with you. Your first post made it seem like you were trying to put together lots of details and such at one year out. Basics and costs and booking the big major venues have to happen that far out or the vendors you like get booked up (because others like them too!)
meh - while I know that you can change your mind a LOT in a year, if you are a checklist person, LIE YOUR FACE OFF. If someone won't work with you b/c they're procrastinators, it's good that they out themselves with that line, so you know not to work with them. Do what makes you comfortable - i'm there with you. BESIDES THE DRESS, once a decision was made for the wedding, it was not revisited. That's why I didn't spend the last few months before the wedding up late doing bull$hit every night stressing - the wedding arrived and I enjoyed every minute of it.
The people that wait and wait end up printing programs and tying bows and crying and having panic attacks 3 days before their weddings. ;) I procrastinate a lot in life, but not planning the wedding, my goodness. I'm not crazy!
For example...When talking about my venue I would ask, " How would the tables be arranged and what is a good estimate of how many I need for around 150 guests". These are good, very answerable questions, and help me to get an idea of what I need to form a budget.
I just think that people like to judge you when you present yourself as a bride-to-be. I started seriously planning my wedding with 5 months to spare and I thought that was fine, but all I got from vendors and sales people was this weird guilt trip and shock about how "last minute" I was doing everything. I also sensed this judgey attitude when I told people my dress budget (laughably low at $1000 apparently!), that we are doing it at a cheesy wedding hall (not indie enough), that my fiance's aunt is marrying us and not a minister ("Is that even going to be legal??"). Can you tell that I'm getting sick of wedding planning?
I think you are awesome for starting to plan one year out and knowing your mind, and anyway I actually don't think that starting to plan a year ahead of time is that weird at all.
I am also planning way a head... we have our rings and a lot done. Today I was so glad I am a head of time....I went to pick up my dress and there was pink coloring along the length of my strap....urggg.....they are replacing it but I can only imagine how stressful it would be if I felt under the gun.
I totally understand where you are coming from.
I have been told that too. If a vendor doesn't want my business because "oh dear, you have plenty of time.", I just move on to the next vendor that does want my business. I have all of my vendors booked and the majority of my DIY stuff done because I am not a procrastinator and I too love to cross things off of my list.
Try not to get discouraged, and just move on the next vendor that will be happy to help you. It might be a tough go, but if they want your business, they will accommodate you now. I got a lot of good deals because I booked early. I am paying 2009 prices for the most of my vendors and I am locked in. The other small majority of vendors I am paying 2010 prices.
Starting your planning a year in advance should be considered a good thing. It frustrates me to no end when brides wait until the last second and then complain because they can't get what they want because they waited too long.
I totally agree with you. The moment my FI and I had gotten engaged, I went to work. Buy the time January rolled around, I had my Venue, DJ, Florist, Limo, Make-up Artist and all the 'big ticket' items chosen and done. This allowed me to relax for a little bit and stress over the BM dresses and etc. And now (with 4.5 months to go) I'm working on the escort cards, programs, cardbox and menu (all the little stuff). People dont seem to realize that yeh here's 'plenty of time', but do they realize during that 'plenty of time' how many projects can build up for you to finish?! And yes, I agree with Melissa, I also lied my face off when I ordered my wedding dress and gave them a date 2 months earlier than my actual wedding date. No problemo.. my dress is here now, and I told them my date changed. heehee.
Honestly its a good idea to start booking early, because a few weeks after I had contacted my vendors for my date, right before we signed contract, the vendors called me to let me know there were other qouples who were inquiring about the same date. And this was a year in advance!!!!
Exactly...you guys get me.....I feel like the more I can get done now the less I worry with later. I want to enjoy my parties, showers, and anticipation. Thanks everyone for helping me see that I'm not crazy.......yet.
I started planning a year in advance (we had a 13 month engagement)...it meant I really didn't have last minute stresses at all. I booked chair covers in February for a December wedding and I would have been cranky if someone tried to talk me out of it for the single reason of having plenty of time. WHO CARES. Seriously, it was just one more thing I didn't have to think about. Why would you organise your planning so everything had to be done in a single two month period? Seems silly to me, so I think you're perfectly alright :)
My wedding is in 3 months and I still hear this from people! Especially my fiance who hasn't even had a tux consultation yet, and my Maid of Honor who hasn't purchased her dress! (I've been engaged since last December too.)
I'm with you, I like to check things off my list.
We're really lucky - our venue reps were so excited that we looked about two years in advance of our date. But places book up fast here, and they just had to turn down a bunch of people who were looking only a year in advance.
I've been getting this mostly from family. It's so irritating! What's wrong with getting things done early? Everyone is different, and this is what works for us. People have told me this all my life - when I applied to university early admission and accepted, when we started dating seriously young, etc. I get that some people change their minds, but saying something is not going to change how I live my life! Some people are just planners. Don't listen to naysayers. :)
I have a close to 20 month engagement and we booked vendors nice and early. For the majority of people, I got "oh, you are so early" comment, which came along with "you'll have plently of time." It's now less than 9 months away - go with your gut- time flies!!! We ended up with a bunch of vendors whom we booked early and as someone above pointed out, got either 2009 or 2010 pricings! And if vendors are telling you, "you have plenty of time, come back later." I normally take that as code as they aren't interested - find someone who is excited about your wedding! and work with them instead. :) I recently met with a baker, who told me "i had plenty of time" and seemed disinterested - the cool thing is, we have "plenty of time", so "next baker please"! And interestingly enough, I found another baker who is excited and full of ideas!
I'm the same way. I have about 75% of my planning done and will only have to finalize a few things. I had one person get a "tone" with me when I inquired about their services b/c she thought it was too early, I kindly told her that I had additional phone appointments that same day and if it was too early for her that meant its too late for me.
Some of the posts really got me thinking about the 2010-2011 pricing thing. What if....these guys are trying to put me off so they can charge me more later?? If so...I'm glad to know now.
I planned my wedding very soon after getting engaged in December 08, for October 2010... i got that comment ALL THE TIME!! from family, friends, vendors etc... but now that we are 3 months out, my family and in laws are in awe and commenting about how fun this all is now, because nobody is stressing out, things are done, or times set to get them done, and how everyone can just enjoy, compared to our siblings weddings!!
The only issue I had with pricing was florist... she gave me an estimate, but said that because flower costs change each year based on the growing seasons etc, she could not guarantee the prices... but I was still able to see she was more reasonably priced than others... and in the end, we had our meeting with her last month and prices went DOWN from her estimate, which is always a bonus :)
just do it!!! if they dont want to deal with you, find another :)
I got estimates for ALL possible venders (and few of each) so that I could create a realistic budget for my wedding and I did not have anyone say this or if I did I didn't take it negatively.
I usually just told them upfront. I am trying to plan my budget for my wedding next August can I get a quote for X, Y, Z. They all responded to this really really well. I usually didn't book the vendors until a little while after that.
I am sorry you feel like you are being brushed off. Just be assertive and you will get what you need!
Dude...I've been engaged since 2008. But started researching stuff in January. Which probably was too early, but still. I hate to wait on things til the last minute and not get the vendors I really want, you know? Anyway, I'm 11 mo out now and people STILL act like I'm way ahead of time. So I always just laugh and say "Yep, gotta stay on top of things!".
I actually got the "you've got plenty of time" speel from my FI. Here in the NL, you can't really start booking some things until you're a year out from your date due to how the marriage system works. Our ceremony venue was one of those...I forced FI to call the moment the stadhuis opened to reserve our time slot on Sept 10th of last year.
He got someone to pick up at 8:06...4 slots (including the one we wanted) were already booked in 6 flippin minutes! Luckly they created one more for us.
The same week we went to our reception venue to book the room we wanted. Guess what? A wedding had already been booked for the same day (luckly they didn't take the room we wanted).
Oh yes, and the photographer we wanted had been booked for almost a year and a half already when I called him in October 2009. Plenty of time, eh??
So yea, for some things if you're 100% sure you want it...book it when you can.
@lilyfaith: im with you - most of my frustrations are from family "oooh we have time" NO WE DO NOT!!!! i refuse to rush around the month before my wedding like a bridezilla.
like my invitations that were supposed to be done and MAILED last WEEK. they arent even done yet. i had to practically have a nervous breakdown on the phone for my mom to understand i needed those yesterday (semi destination wedding and i have a b list!!!) shes like oh theres 2 months left! NOOOOO not really i have to get them out and get responses back within 2 weeks now to be able to send out a b list! we have to have solid numbers in by the middle of august! *screaming*
so.... yeah i feel your pain. at least its a vendor not your family.
That's the thing....there is no family help....I'm all on my own on this one. I'm the only female in my immediate family, so I'm even more inclined to do things at my own pace which is ASAP. I have some really great friends, not alot of help, but plenty of support.
Thought I would update at a month out. I was right all along...Right now, I am finished!! All my DIY stuff is completed, and I am chillaxing with my Honey! I have time to get everything organized down to the little details. I'm so glad that I gave myself the time that I needed and started on this before everyone else thought was appropriate. I knew that I wanted to do alot and I did!
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I'm am going to start telling sales people and etc that my wedding is in a week so that I can get some help with my purchases. I am not by any means a procrastinator. I like to complete things so that I can check them off my "list". My wedding is in a year, but time after time, I hear...oh you have plenty of time to find this, figure out that. If I waited for everything that was responded to by this line, I would be waiting to do EVERYTHING! OK...that was my first bridal rant...I guess I can finally check that one off my list.