- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Maybe she is just reacting to someone being so kind, but knows he's completely unattainable?
That's a tough situation.
As much as you want to help her, I'd cut ties with her. It does seem like she's trying to come onto him. It's not his or your responsibility to help her. If I were you, I'd have FI block her number so she can't contact him. That's just the way my crazy mind works... hehe.
I don't think you're being paranoid, but I also think you have nothing to worry about. Your man is loyal, and a generous, kind soul, (like Mr.G) and yes, people will knowingly and unknowingly take advantage of their good nature.
She is knowingly doing this. I would have Mr.A nip it in the bud asap! He hasn't been encouraging her per se, but to respond to 50 texts a day, even with a one word answer, let's crazy lady know she WILL get a response...not good :(
I just wonder if he 'nips it in the bud' and this girl is a friend of his best man, that it could be awkward after?
To the OP: Is this girl invited to your wedding?
I think this is ridiculous! There is no way in Hell that she would be having coffee (or anything else for that matter) with my husband. Most men are apparently oblivious to the fact that women hit on them. Mine is attractive, financially secure, has a great career and life is good. Women see that in a man and want to incenuate themselves into their lives. My husband is also older than me (10 years) so I am sure you relate quite well to what I am saying. I think it is time to have a chat with her about boundries and the fact that she is overstepping hers. Don't be rude about it, but firmly tell her that her inviting him to have coffee and texting him is extremely inappropriate and makes her look bad.
Umm....no more texting with the crazy girl. She is clearly trying to move in on him...sorry but that's the way I read the situation!
You and your FI have been incredibly kind and generous for trying to help her but there are lines, and she is crossing one.
Instead of one word replies, he needs to stop replying completely. He's giving her (unintentionally) attention that she is interpreting as something that it is not.
He's so worried she will relapse and it will be his fault. But I'm just not sure why she is our responsibility? I don't mean that to be cruel.
Then I would try and encourage him to put his foot down.
It sounds a little bit like she is replacing one addiction with another, namely your FI, yesh.
@SoontobeMrsA: Whatever help she received from both you is enough, she does not need to keep commenting and asknig for coffee. She has something on her mind and to be honest if I were you I'd cut all ties with her now!!
There are some psycho people out there. OH the stories my family have!
100% UNACCEPTABLE. I am getting mad for you!!! She needs to back up. Maybe you should tell her? Or he can talk to his best man about it? WOW! NOt cool
@SoontobeMrsA: If she relapses, it is 100% her own fault, not your FI's. She needs to learn how to be a big girl and stand on her own.
@Oneeleven: Sure it could be, and most likely will be awkward...but her behaviour is not on. If it were me, I would take awkward over having this girl border line harass/play the "woah is me card" I need comforting with Mr.G card
>:| kill, baby, kill.
i mean uhh... ::retracts claws:: i'd probably see if FH would cut ties with her too like PP suggested.
Oh, this would totally burn me up too- why would she even feel comfortable asking him for money? What does the best man say about her behavior? It sounds like your guy has gotten in over his head by simply being nice to a friend of a friend, but he's got to tell her to quit with the texts, fb etc out of respect to you! Everyone has problems in thier lives & within thier families already, and it's not your responsibility to take on a complete stranger's, IMO, especially when it sounds like she's only thinking of herself. Good luck whatever you do!
Oh I totally hear you on that.
I just was thinking that if she is a close friend of the OP's FI, then it may cause tension between the guys. *shrugs*
@Oneeleven: no worries. she is not a close friend of our best man either. Just a kinda crazy girl he knows.
I definitely think she's crossing the line there.
I think your FI needs to talk to her and tell her to back off a little. He can still be there for her without letting her say suggestive things like that to him. Also, if she does relapse, that is in no way either of your faults. Enevitably, she needs to face the world herself.
I think you both are super sweet to try to help her out but I think she needs to get it professionally and not be taking advantage of your FI and you. 50 texts a day is way too much and maybe she is looking for something that isn't there and could get more attached if she interprets a text wrong. It is not your responsibility and you don't sound cruel at all! Down the road this could put a strain on your relationship and you want to be careful that she doesn't become dependent on you both!
I'm just so scared that this will just push her back to heroin (i think that was her drug of choice). I don't know much about that kind of addiction but I realize it must be hard.
wow! he cannot accept responsibility for her actions- even if she does relapse that is not his fault - its hers. I'm all for helping someone out but why would you help someone who is being completely disrespectful to you? Maybe he needs to hand the phone over to you - especially if you have dealt with this before - wouldn't you be the more qualified one in assiting? she needs to make more of an effort to include you as well if you the two of you as a unit have agreed to help her out - but honestly if i were you i dont know how much longer i would be able to hold it together - after repeatedly telling her that he is engaged she refuses to awknowledge it. ooo what it the heck is up with girls trying to move in on taken men? or visa versa - that really really bothers me.
@totheislnds: I can understand her attraction to him. He's older (almost like a father figure she was missing?), handsome, kind, generous, finiancially stable, a great father and a great FI. I'm sure in her head he is perfect.
Her relapsing is her choice. It would not be your or your FI's fault, if she were to go back on drugs (unless you give her the drugs, which I don't think you'd do). Personally, I would want him to cut ties with her as soon as possible before the situation turns into a lifetime movie scenario.
You and Mr.A are NOT responsible for her. Please don't feel guilty about what she may or may not do. Addiction is a terrible thing, and people suffering from addictions do the strangest things. The fact that she is a random friend of the best man, and she reached out to you guys is a bit odd. Cut her off.
you and your FI are good people to be so sympathetic about her addiction; but imo, when the flirting and the 1v1 suggested meetsup that dont include you start happening, i think you need to draw the line. whatever reason she has for being so attached, you and you FI need to get away from her before it gets even worse! regardless of how you feel about her relapsing, if she's going to relapse, she's going to do it with or without any influence from the both of you. refer her to some other forms of therapy for this stuff, like support groups or something. you two shouldn't have to bear the responsibility of her well-being, SHE should!
Oh! and I should add that FI did not give her his number. She got it off facebook when facebook went lame and published all our numbers.
@SoontobeMrsA: wow...even more reason to cut her off!
When getting over an addiction people will sometimes substitute. I was addicted to cigarettes (ewww) and when I was quitting I substituted with coke. Pop, not nose candy haha. She may be substituting her drug of choice for Mr.A...not good :(
@Oneeleven: It sounds a little bit like she is replacing one addiction with another, namely your FI, yesh.
Exactly what I was going to say. If she's relying on your FI to the point of 50 texts/day, that's extreme. Yeah, he wants to help her, but I def think she needs to be weaned off. And definitely no coffee--not because your FI would ever think of doing anything with her, but because she needs to stand on her own 2 feet. She is crossing a line, for sure.
Oh, I hope your FI cuts ties with her! It's great of you guys to try and help someone out! But I would hate to see this "nobody" put strains on your relationship!
@michkarose: I was going to say you replaced cigs with cocaine?? haha
It seems like the best thing you can do for her right now is to set clear boundaries for what is acceptable/unacceptable.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/76669-setting-boundaries.html
http://www.spiritualriver.com/3-ways-to-help-a-struggling-drug-addict/
I know you and your husband want to help her, and to prevent relapse, but it's not worth doing so at the detriment of your relationship (on any level).
FH isn't on FB (or anything computer related) but when we go back to his home town tons of women hit on him. Fh is oblivious and I let it go until the ladies cross a line or hang to long. I actually had one come to me and tell me she could take him anytime, I just laughed right at her and told her to do her best. She tried and got told off by the FH. I never worry about these kinds of ladies.
I will take photos of me doing my best Mr. Olympia posses for you and you can post them for her, I am sure they will have her thinking twice ;)
@tksjewelry: Geesh between the body building and costco wedding planning you may have to move to MA for me!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Rivendeler | 10 |
| Suikerbossie | 9 |
| Future Mrs K | 8 |
| janetsnakehole | 6 |
| ellisrobertson | 6 |
| MrsOliveBird | 5 |
| ladyartichoke | 5 |
| ndreighton | 5 |
| NehaPrasad92 | 4 |
 turtles73 |
4 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| turtles73 |
3 |
| ellisrobertson | 3 |
| Future Mrs K | 2 |
| headphonessaledb | 2 |
| MrsOliveBird | 1 |
| j_jaye | 1 |
| krisanne | 1 |
| MrsBroccoli | 1 |
| csdncer2013 | 1 |
| takemyhand | 1 |
Grrr I hate when girls say this to my FI. First of all, I'm not his girlfriend. Second, don't hit on my FI.
FI is one of the kindest most generous people I know. Because of this, people tend to take advantage of him. This new facebook friend of his (she's a friend of his best man) hit a tough spot and asked my FI to loan her money. He said he could not do so but would help her to continue getting clean. He made it very clear to her that he was engaged and that both of us were willing to help her.
My father was an addict and I know getting clean can be tough so I honestly wanted to help her. But now she texts him ALL THE TIME. I'm talking fifty plus texts a day. FI tries to be nice but ends up with mostly one word answers.
But now she keeps dropping the "your girlfriend is so lucky to have a great guy like you" line. Back off chicky. FI always says you know she's my fiancee in response but it's really starting to bug me. FI does not think she is hitting on him. And she keeps asking him to meet her for coffee. What happened to both of us helping you?
What do you think?