Post # 1
I don’t know if this is the right place for this post. But her it goes.
The fiance and I got engaged in March of this year and decided on getting married Halloween of this year (7 months to plan with less than $2,000 budget). So being the one that is m ostly paying for everything I ran myself into a hole financially. Last night we decided to plan for an extremely small wedding on Halloween then have a wedding/vow renewal Nov. 1st next year. That took so so much stress off of me and gives me 15 more months to plan for a wedding I really want and not just throw something together because it’s what I can afford.
I have been through many struggles and have also been previously married (in a life I cared nothing about just over 2 years ago). This wedding is something I am extremely serious about having with family AND friends who want to share in my special day watching me commit my life to the man I love. This wedding means everything to me.
Last night I told his mom what we planned to do and now she’s seems to be trying to take control a little and she’s making me feel like I am ungrateful and don’t need the wedding next year. Today she offered to either pay for a very small family, 20 person wedding for this halloween and offered some money as a gift or to pay off the wedding I already started as long as it’s under $600.
Well, I really want to give myself my dream wedding (within my financial means) and have the people I love there so I really want to keep my wedding/vow renewal for next year and just do a super small wedding in a few months.
Am I being a brat or am I justified?
Post # 3
I have never been a fan of getting married and then having a “wedding.” I feel like you get one or the other. I feel like those who do both put too much focus on the party and less on the commitment. I’m sure others out there will disagree with me.
I would either delay marriage for next year or settle for a smaller wedding with the money your FMIL graciously offered.
Post # 4
@KittiLove: If you would be able to afford it next year, why not just do it next year?
Post # 5
I would either do it next year, on your own dime (that way you get more control).. or do a quick courthouse/city hall/etc. ceremony now and do the big wedding next year. I think if you do anything even semi-fancy this year (like on Halloween), it’ll seem a bit odd to do another one next year.
Post # 6
@KittiLove: I think if you want the big party, just wait until next year. It’s only a year, and to be married and have a big celebration a year later is silly. Either be patient and save to have the big wedding next year, or do the small ceremony this year and be done with it.
Post # 7
The deal was to be married before we bought her house next year. Thats why we were doing something small this year and it got smaller, just a ceremony and some food now. She is COMPLETELY opposed to us getting married justice of the peace. She says we’ll regret it forever so she offered the small, inexpensive wedding this year that way I could still have mine and have time to pay for it. It’d be our wedding but considered a vow renewal.
Post # 8
Oh, and it’s not about the “party” None of us drink or do any type of partying… It’s what a wedding means that is the reason I want to be able to have family and friends share in the celebration. Maybe I’m reading into some of it wrong But this isn’t an excuse for a drunken mess. Alcohol won’t even be at our wedding. A wedding is about two people coming together as one and sharing their lives together.
Post # 9
I’d wait till next year. It goes by a lot faster than you think.
Post # 10
@KittiLove: I don’t think you are being a brat. You are trying to compromise and get married sooner, but still have the wedding you want, while sticking to your finances.
Post # 11
@kerensa: lol Thank you! This is exactly how I feel. His mom is turning it into a small wedding of 20 people, a ceremony and catering (I love her!!) and that is not what we want this to be. When we just really want a ceremony, unity candles, and a cake. We will have a wedding, it’s just going to be next year. That’s all 🙂
Post # 12
@KittiLove: As an outsider, I always hate when couples I know get married, are married for a while, then have an official wedding. I feel like at that point you’ve already started your life together and I just don’t see the reasoning for having another ceremony. I would just plan a super small wedding and then maybe have a great potluck dinner or some kind of reception inviting more people and celebrate your marriage with everyone then.
Post # 13
If what’s really important to you is having your friends and family there and getting it done this year, why not just do a simple cake and punch reception. You can definately do that for $2000 and get it plannned by Oct.
Post # 14
@MsW-to-MrsM: This. What you want, OP, is a pretty princess day… I’m not a fan of “vow renewals” so soon after someone has gotten married. And just remember, a vow renewal is NOT a wedding — not appropriate to wear a wedding dress, have attendants, have pre-wedding parties, have a registry/expect gifts, etc. Also, will your guests know you’re already married?
Why not wait until next year when you can afford what you want?
Post # 15
When people say party they mean any gathering of friends and family -not some drunken frat party. It doesn’t matter if you have alcohol or not the point is is that often when people do something like this the focus is less on the actual commitment and more on having a pretty princess day.
Honestly this sounds like a case of trying to have your cake and eat it too. If having your friends and family at your wedding is so important you should just wait a year. You don’t have to be married to buy a house together. It’s one thing to get married now and celebrate later because of things outside of your control (deployment, much needed health insurance, etc.) but purchasing a house is in your control and, IMO, not a good reason to have 2 weddings/celebrations.
Post # 16
I agree with PP just wait until next year