Ok Bees! Do what you do best. I need your opinions on a social situation. Lol

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 5
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Are you asking if you should be friends with her again, if you should go to the birthday or if what C did was wrong?

It doesn’t seem like you miss her and she seems like a toxic friend so I wouldn’t make any effort to get her back into my life.

I would go to the birthday…you’re there to show your love and support for J and you shouldn’t penalize her just because C will be there. Just try to ignore C and if she tries to engage you in drama just be the better person and ignore it.

Yes, I think C was in the wrong for getting trashed and bailing on your engagement party as your MOH. She sounds extremely selfish.

Post # 6
Member
819 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Silly_love:  I think I would go to the birthday party. It’s about J, not C, and I’m sure there will be plenty of other people there that you can talk to so you won’t have to socialize with her much.

Post # 7
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Silly_love:  I wouldn’t worry too much about it.  She will probably flake out again.  If she does actually show up avoid her as much as possible but be cordial and polite when you must talk to her.  Maybe agree with another guest (not J) to be your buddy for the night and rescue you if you get stuck with C.

Post # 8
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would go, do your absolute best to be cordial to C and enjoy your evening with J. Do not get sucked into the friendship again. It is not J’s fault that you two have funk. You seem like a gal that can rise above. That’s advice I would give, but I tend to be a peace maker and want everyone to be happy lol. 

And you never know, C might flake. This whole worry might be for nothing. She doesn’t seem to have a great track record of being reliable from your post. If that is the case crisis averted. 

Post # 10
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@esk716:  Agreed.

C is crazy irresponsible it seems.  Yes, it’s her life.  But when she made a committment to go to your engagement party (and was relying on you for a ride), then got drunk and couldn’t even seem to woman up to tell you she wasn’t going, and didn’t understand why you were upset for her not talking to you?  Crazy.

So no, I don’t think you’re in the wrong for cutting her out.  (Though it does seem like she needs stability in her life.)

But you should still go to J’s party.  If C tries talking to you, just kill her with kindness.  Don’t act like a friend, but be polite.  If she tries to start something, back away from the situation.  Surround yourself with other people.

Though, honestly, considering what you’ve told us, I wonder if C will show up at all anyways.

Post # 12
Member
819 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Silly_love:  I totally know how you feel. DH has an ex that I CANNOT stand and the feeling is mutual. We live about 16 hours away from home so when we visit, our friends usually throw a little get together. She hangs in the same circle so she’s usually there unfortunately. The great part is there’s so many people there that we know, I don’t even have to stand next to her! 😉

Post # 13
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sounds like she’ll probably flake out anyway.  Even if she does show up, all you have to say is “Hi” and go get a drink and chat with some of your other friends.  This is the kind of girl who will wreck her own, night, amiright?  I doubt you need to cause any drama for her to look a fool when someone asks “hey.. don’t you have a couple kids, how are they?” 

Just go to support your friend J and have a good time, don’t sweat it.  Maybe C will realize that people can actually have their act together and leave you alone or try harder herself.  Or more likely she won’t even show. 

Post # 14
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Go to the party for J. Try to ignore C, just be polite if she talks to you – I’m sure she’ll get trashed and make an ass of herself, but that’s not your problem.

Post # 15
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

you go to the party.

Post # 16
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Silly_love:  I think you should go to J’s birthday party. Be cordial to C, but keep yourself busy during the party and DO NOT attempt to revive your friendship. Too. Much. Drama. C has not been a good friend to you.

I used to have a very selfish, dramatic friend that I cut out of my life. She is still ‘bffs’ with 2 of my closest friends and they continue to complain about the drama she creates. All of my dearest friends are very good to me and don’t try to create uneccessary arguments; we allow each other to grow individually and enjoy the time we are able to spend together! It’s so much better this way 🙂

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