TO @Weetzie: to be totally honest, YES part of it could be coming from NORMAL PRE-WEDDING ANXIETY (aka cold feet)
Even folks in the most stable, picture perfect relationships tend to become OVERWHELMED at some point about all the emotions that surround a Wedding.
BECAUSE IT IS A HUGE LIFE CHANGING EVENT
(No one should ever kid themselves about that fact… it truly is)
And my experiences with Mr TTR may be telling for you…
I am soooo dang LUCKY to have found LOVE again in my life, and at my age (over 50). And Mr TTR is an AMAZING Guy and we have a WONDERFUL Relationship…
But all the same I was Questioning stuff before our Wedding too. I was worried (subconsciously I suppose) about marrying for a second time and having it all fall apart. The great unknown. Although I knew with all my heart that I love and wanted to marry Mr TTR the reality of the situation scared the sh!t out of me all the same. And my STUPID reasoning was I would rather be ALONE FOREVER than ever go thru any of that Divorce crap and heartbreak ever again… so somehow my subconscious along with my Wedding Anxiety & Stress came out as being quite snarky and defensive
A sort of… “So you think you want to marry me eh… let me see if you feel the same way after I show you a whole other side of me”
Somehow I’ve come to realize afterwards was my subconscious literally saying… HURT ME NOW… LEAVE ME NOW. Cause I don’t deserve all the happiness that you have brought to me… somewhere down the road you are bound to disappointment me, and hurt me like my Ex-H did.
Lol, Mr TTR would tell you that one of the reasons he loves me (and I him) is we are sooo easy going together… almost always on the same page. Never argue or fight. Sure we have our “disagreements” about things in life, but we NEVER get ugly with one another or say nasty words when we don’t agree on something.
That is until about 1 month before the Wedding…
I was a changed woman… I was stressed out trying to plan so many things into such a short window of time… Christmas (which is for many people a stressful time of year to begin with) – Wedding Details – Laundry & Packing (we were gone 5 weeks on our Pre-Wedding – Marriage & Honeymoon Adventure) – Vacation Details – Honeymoon Plans etc.
I was a wreck !!
And I took it out on him…
I was short, curt, snippy. Not a nice person for him to interact with. Lol, he’d ask me an innocent Question “Have the Cruise Baggage Tags come yet ?” and I practically took his head off…
“NO they are on order… gosh I hope they get here soon… I can’t seem to get anything right… so much to do… so little time… can’t you see I’m busy… what do you think I’ve been doing… your Honeymoon Fairy Godmother at your service”
Yada, yada, yada…
I am amazed the guy even WANTED to marry me after the 30 days from the miserable bleak and cold rainy days mid November to it finally snowed and the Car was packed and we were on our way come mid December.
Honest, I was lucky he didn’t tie me to the roof of the car !!
By the time we got to Myrtle Beach… and some sunshine, and some much needed R&R… and I could finally again see the forest for the trees (actually the ocean for the beach)… I was good to go, and my mind relaxed and what was LEFT of the Wedding Planning for the most part sort of took a “secondary” role of… “Well if we get it done great, if not so be it”
So hon, altho it might be your Disorder that is ramping up…
It could just as well be Wedding Anxiety in general.
My best advice is for sure talk it over with your Therapist… in much detail about what it is you are feeling, your concerns regarding the marriage, etc…
BUT do know that Wedding Anxiety can manifest itself in many ways… and just about everyone goes thru it to some extent.
((( HUGS )))
Hope this helps,