Post # 1
Nothing is wrong, per se. So I don’t understand why I am a big ball of nerves today. I have had bouts of anxiety in the past. In fact, I’d call it OCD and was clinically depressed for a good year (a few years ago). Is all of this coming back now? And why? I am happily married (save for the in-laws). I’m just feeling so….blah. Worse than blah.
I also lost my libido. I used to be a sex kitten, lol, but lately, I just want to sleep. And I hate that I feel this way because I curse the fact that I didn’t meet my hubby when I was at my sexual peak (4 years ago).
Usually, typing it out helps, and then I delete what I typed and move on with my day but right now I can’t wait to hit submit for some help.
Post # 3
Is going to see a therapist an option for you? I have been in therapy on and off for 12 years now. I only go when I have issues I need to work through or am feeling really down for no reason at all. I have been on medication off and on for that whole time too. I’ve just come to accept that some people (like me) have a chemical imbalance and you should feel no shame in getting the help you need. Talking to an unbiases third party has ALWAYS helped me see my situation much more clearly. Unfortunately, I am not a therapist, so I really don’t have any other advice for you. But, I am very sorry you feel this way and can totally empathize. I hope things turn around for you soon! Keep us updated!
Post # 4
@Alexis22: No, unfortunately. A psychologist is $150 per hour. The waiting list for a psychiatrist is miles and miles long.
I have tried Lorazepam and I am considering going back for more. I’m grateful for a very supportive hubby though. I mean, I barely talk about my depression or anxiety but when I tell him I’m not feeling well, he knows what I mean and tells me I can talk to him anytime. Sadly, that dosen’t help either.
Thank you for your kindess.
Post # 5
I have issues with anxiety and saw a psychologist a couple of years ago. While we worked through things in the sessions, she also asked me to get the book “Feeling Good” by David Burns. The sessions stopped, but I still have the book.
When I’m feeling anxious, I go back to the book. It has a section and assessment for depression as well. What I like about the book is that the focus is on cognitive behavioural therapy and on talking yourself out of your anxiety using logic. This does actually work, but it IS a lot of work.
The goal is to train yourself to not have the anxious thoughts. This book really does help and if you ever need a brush up, you’ll always have it.
I have really been struggling through the last year; what with being unemployed (and looking!) and getting married. The book has been a life-saver.
I hope you feel better soon. Anxiety is awful.
Post # 6
@Just_Squeeze: I am sorry that you are feeling this way.
I have had this same problem in the past.
I know that seeing a counsellor/therapist can be very costly sometimes.
And I do agree that writing it down can help sometimes, even if no one replies/reads.
Some things that I find that REALLY help me are eating right (which is SO hard but once you start you can learn to enjoy it) same with working out… going for walks, swimming, dancing. Getting some me time. Doing something that I really enjoy.
I know that this might not work for everyone, but it is worth taking a shot.
And sometimes, I will go onto sites like omegle and find someone who is just willing to listen to how I am feeling.
If you ever need an ear, pm me. I might not be able to respond right away or be the greatest at advice, but I am always willing to lend an ear.
Post # 7
@ArwenBride: Thank you for the book title!
@tranquility: Thanks very much. I may just PM you.
Thing is, I know what makes me feel better. Pilates, reading, writing. But today I am so down, I can’t even get off the couch. It’s pretty bad.
Post # 8
@Just_Squeeze: I’m feeling exactly the same way. I spent about 6 months being depressed and those were the longest 6 months of my life. I didn’t take any meds although, I saw a therapist but she really didn’t help me out. I think if I had just had some support during that time, I could have gotten through it.
I slowly began to snap out of it by creating things to look forward to.
I also have really bad anxiety. I’ve had 3 anxiety attacks within the past two months, granted I’ve been under a lot of stress. But they are full, blown out, can barely breath for a few hours, anxiety attacks (one of which was a few nights ago).
I wish I could tell you what fixes them. I have taken medication for my anxiety, and quite frankly, none of it worked for me. But I’m slowly creeping back into the depression phase. It’s the, “what do I have to look forward to” feeling. Lounging around is the WORST when I feel this way. So the only things that help me when I get like that is working out, and getting dressed up for the day. Those both make me feel better. Not extremely better but a step above what I was feeling.
But just to let you know, I sympathize and if you need anyone to talk to – feel free to PM me!
Post # 9
@Heatherloveskenny: thank you to you too and congrats on your recent marriage!
It’s true: “Nothing to look forward to”. Logically, I know that’s not true at all. Emotionally, my brain can’t help to feel that way. We have been trying to conceive since the honeymoon so the fact that it hasn’t happened yet is also depressing.
We have a week off together soon for vacation and that will be wonderful and yet I can’t get rid of this voice at the front of my head that says “you are so awful”. It’s awful.
Post # 10
@Just Squeeze I’m so sorry you feel this way, but know you are not alone!
I’ve been dealing with depression/anxiety for a few years now, and my now FI was the one who encouraged me to get back on meds about 6 months ago. While they’ve helped, I still get the random anxiety attacks, just not quite as bad as pre-meds. As hard as it is to get moving some days, I feel so much better when I do but I totally have times where I want to do nothing but sit on a couch.
Post # 11
I hear you. It’s a flat out disgusting feeling. Getting out of the house for anything helped me so that’s what I’ll be doing the next couple of weeks.
Thinking back to the last time I was depressed, I signed up for a half marathon and only trained for about 3 weeks but the endorphins I got from completing a half marthon really is what got me out of my slump! I think I might do it again.
Post # 12
I have borderline personality disorder and I’m depressed about 40% of the time and without any reason at all. I can’t go to therapy anymore because I no longer have health insurance and I have so so so many days that feel just like what you are talking about… I find it best just to talk like you are doing… really takes the edge off. Feel better!
Post # 13
I suffer from depression and anxiety. Lorezapam is a bad drug to take. Its a sedative and it is very addictive. Plus it’s a downer. You might feel good when your on it but then after you will go through a ‘depression’ or hangover of sorts since this drug works on your dopaminergic and serotonergic systems.
I am on Zoloft. It does decrease your sex drive a bit, but on a lower dose, the side effects are not very noticable. And it doesn’t decrease your drive like say the BC Pill, I find its more like, its harder to actually orgasm. But your still randy in the first place. 😉
I have tried many different types of drugs and drug combos and have stuck with Zoloft. But there are tons of types that all work on either serotonin or norepinephrine, or both. One will work for you, you just have to find which one.
The SSRI type meds works on both my ailments and just keeps me ‘normal’. I still have highs and lows and I still am a little bit anal about certain things IE: making sure door is locked when I leave the house, just stuff like that. When I was on a higher dose it took these symptoms away completely, but I went to a lower dose as I am trying to learn how to cope with depression and anxiety on my own as well.
I was in therapy for years in my 20s and since my hubs got news of his deployment I have been getting some assistance again (I only have 2 more sessions left though, after that, they are not free :()
Anything you want to know about this please ask.
I am a HUGE advocate for SSRI’s. They saved my life. I remember a few weeks into the first course I took I was walking down the street and the grass was greener, the sun was warmer, the birds chirped more and I was smiling to myself. It flashed through my head that I felt literally ‘complete’ and felt like I was the person I was always meant to be. Its hard to understand and I know that I sound like a commerical on TV, but I truly mean what I say.
Post # 14
@Heatherloveskenny I’m also a runner and notice that in the month after a race if I don’t keep running atleast a little bit I tend to fall back into mild depression. I think I’ve finally realized that the key for me is exercise to feel ‘normal’ so I’m signing up to run my 1st full marathon next May to (hopefully) keep the depression at bay prior to my wedding!
Post # 15
Thank you everyone for your support, well wishes and sharing your stories
@Oneeleven: This made me literally cry:
I remember a few weeks into the first course I took I was walking down the street and the grass was greener, the sun was warmer, the birds chirped more and I was smiling to myself. It flashed through my head that I felt literally ‘complete’ and felt like I was the person I was always meant to be. Its hard to understand and I know that I sound like a commerical on TV, but I truly mean what I say.
I used to feel so special. God gave me a gift of creativity. I used to also walk down the street and EVERY LITTLE THING sparked something in my imagination that I would create instant stories. I would awe at the small marvels like how the sun shines through a stained glass window.
I lost this ability around the time I met my first fiance which is a good 10 years ago now.
Just the other night, hubby told me he wants me to start writing again. He made me cry because I’m trying to look for work since my lay off but he insists I write instead.
I miss my “talent” and my connection with the world. I miss lifre and the love I used to have for it.
I feel like God will punish me because of my laziness and how I threw my passion away. Yet, when I lost my “gift”….I’m not sure how I lost it. So I try to remember it’s not really a sin if I’m not sure how I lost it.
Wow. I haven’t told anybody this. Ever.
Post # 16
It’s almsot like I wish I could tell hubby “I love you very much. I’ll be back in 2 months after I fix myself”. But we aren’t just dating or engaged, we’re married and I want to be here for him 100% of the time like he is here for me all the time.
I want to make over myself but not in a physical way. In a mental way so that I can marvel at the raindrops on my window pane once again. Laugh more and mean it; not just fake it.
The little things used to make me happy.
Do you ever take it out on the ones you love the most? Like I blame my depression on the situation with the inlaws and hubby and I fight. Sure, I hate that situation, but he dosen’t deserve my hour long lectures on how to fix his mother.
I really hate myself. I’m sorry for venting here. I’ll shut up now.