Post # 1
Hi ladies! I’ve been lurking on the wedding bee forums for a little while, but never joined or anything until now.
My sweet fiance proposed this past Saturday evening. We’ve been dating for about a year and a half, and living together for a few months now. We’ve been talking about getting engaged for well over a year (he brought it up first) and we looked at hundreds of rings online and talked about it a lot– so much I told him I didn’t want to talk about it anymore until he had one in his pocket because it was making me anxious and he ultimately wanted to surprise me.
SO the ring he proposed with wasn’t anything like the vintage/estate style I wanted. He was really sweet about it even though that isn’t a happy situation no matter how its handled. We returned it the next day and picked out a “placeholder” ring so I can have something to wear while we pick the perfect ring out together.
I was thinking something that was clearly a placeholder like a tiny promise ring but I found this white sapphire ring at Zales and it was surprisingly inexpensive.
Post # 2
Very nice! I had a total of three rings. It’s a symbol of your love and you have to be 100% happy with it, as I finally am. As long as something is on that finger, my husband is happy and I also wouldn’t change the last ring he chose for me for anything in the world.
Post # 3
Geez…that is lovely. I’d keep it as your ering and not just as a placeholder.
Post # 4
This seems like it could’ve been avoided if you actually had the conversation about what you liked instead of telling him to stop talking about it until the ring was in his pocket.
I don’t understand why this is a placeholder, if you like it.. Why isn’t it just your e ring?
Post # 5
I like it as a placeholder. I think the white sapphire stone is very pretty and I wanted to post it. The setting is eh ok. And I’m very happy that we went to return the ring I didn’t like the next day and pick out a placeholder. From some of the things I’ve read on this forum, that action in itself says a lot.
and if you read my post you’d see that I said we did talk about what I like. A LOT. like every day for a while.
Something I didn’t mention before because it really makes me feel awful, is that he has been engaged before, and he mentioned that he spent $4k on a ring for his ex more than once. It really stings that he went way overboard on a ring for her, but not for me. The rings I really loved mostly were around $2k or less and vintage, so in my mind totally reasonable compared to what he spent before.
He proposed with a ring that was much, much less expensive and not anything like what we were looking at before.. it didn’t look vintage at all no metal engraving or anything.
I feel confused and hurt by this and I’ve tried to talk about the cost of the ring but he got a little defensive so i dropped it for the time being. I know it isnt all about the ring, that ultimately it shouldnt be that big of a deal but it’s been built up in my mind for over a year with all the looking at rings and talking about it that I’m just massively disappointed. I know the important thing is that we’re spending the rest of our lives together– even more reason for me to communicate with him about this.
Any other girls here been though something similar and how did you guys resolve it?
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2014 - Loft
guestappearance: I think I would get defensive too if I asked someone to spend the rest of their life with me and they insisted on returning the ring and pushed me t divulge how much I spent on it. That is not to say you shouldn’t love your ring because you have to wear it everyday but ho disappointing for him.
Post # 7
guestappearance: yikes I don’t blame him for getting defensive. You tell him you want to return it and insisted on knowing the price? Poor guy.
Post # 8
guestappearance: You mean to tell me he wasn’t receptive to talking about how something that he gave you with love and good intentions was not good enough because he didn’t spend a small fortune on it? Shocking!
He gave you a gift. It is not only rude to complain about the cost of a gift, but totally ungrateful as well. You claim to know what’s really important with a proposal but I would argue that your actions prove otherwise.
Post # 9
guestappearance: I think the issues here are not really about the ring, but more about insecurities regarding his past relationship.
I don’t know why he would tell you about an engagement ring from a previous relationship. That sounds immature to me, and is just setting himself up for trouble. With that said, you shouldn’t be making your ring a competition with the other one. The cost of the last ring should not be a factor in what you get. You are implying that the cost of an engagement is a direct correlation with the amount of love that is behind it. That is totally untrue. I understand your disappointment in him not listening in regards to the style though. I think that the white sapphire ring is beautiful. Could you use the stone for a vintage style ring?
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
spiffanee: My thoughts exactly.
Post # 11
I feel bad for the fiancee.
Post # 12
I don’t absolutely love my ring either, but it’s what he picked out so that means the world to me. I’d never have pushed him to tell me how much it was so soon after the proposal…and if I had told him that I didn’t love it within a month after the proposal it would have broken his heart. I’ve told him a few times (over six months after the proposal) that I may just wear my wedding band or I may get something else to switch it out with occassionally, but I’ve never framed it as “I don’t like this as much as THAT”.
Post # 13
I agree with Bridey77. It wasn’t too wise for him to tell you what he spent on his ex. That info is irrevelent to the present relationship.
Also-maybe your FI is in a different place financially then he was before. Maybe he couldn’t afford another 4k ring this time around?
Post # 14
I agree with Bridey77. It’s easy to jump on brides who want to exchange their rings, but in this case, wow. That would hurt and there’s no reason he should have told OP what he spent. This is like a woman telling her man how much bigger… Well, never mind. The point is, not cool.
OP, you’re going to have to decide how to live with this knowledge. Ask yourself if you think he loves you for the right reasons. If yes, then forget about the other ring. Slam the door and don’t open it again. Jealousy will eat your joy. And tell him to zip it in the future. He doesn’t need to share everything.
Post # 15
There is a positive way to think about this. Yes, maybe his ex FI’s ring was more expensive/more flashy, but there is a reason she is his EX FI. Maybe they put too much value into the ring itself as a material posession and not enough value in what the ultimate meaning of the ring was? It’s nice to have a ring that you love and is exactly your style, but that should just be the cherry on top, IMO. The real joy should be knowing that this man loves you so much that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, the fact that he gave you an accompanying gift to symbolize that is just a bonus.