okay bees, please go easy on me, I need some advice :(

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you be relictant to re-invite guests?
    Yes, I would be very hurt that they did not contact me at all and would not invite them again : (2 votes)
    9 %
    No you are overreacting, people lead busy lives : (17 votes)
    74 %
    If it were one thing I would understand,but no contact throughout engagement and split, no way! : (4 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 2
    5787 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    If people knew from Facebook that you split up before the wedding, then I’m not really surprised they didn’t follow up I their STD’s. Not sure what’s up with the AWOL bridesmaid but the rest of it sounds like I’d expect someone to react if they’d gotten a std then found out the couple broke up. Personally unless it’s someone super close to me (one of my sisters or my BFF), I give them privacy when I find out they’be broken up. even people that I consider very good friends, I like to let them have their space at those times.

    Post # 3
    42157 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999


    Please can you tell me your thoughts on this and how I should feel?

    I’ll offer my opinion in reverse order. No one can tell anyone how they should feel. Feelings are always right no matter what they are. It’s how we process things that happen in our world.

    My thoughts:

      I wouldn’t rush to a decision that they didn’t care. Many people are just so uncomfortable in this type of situation that they don’t know what to do Their fall back decision is to do nothing. They may have thought that contacting you about the wedding would be painful and embarassing for you so they didn’t contact you.

    Post # 4
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Personally id have a small and intimate wedding with just those who matter the most, i would not throw a big bash as a lot of people will have opinions on why you cancelled a wedding previously but decided to try it again. 

    Post # 6
    7923 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    They probably just didn’t know what to say! I wouldn’t follow up on a fallen through STD. Or even one that’s still happening! I just wait for the invite.

    If you want this time around you could just skip save the dates. Send early invitations and let that be that. 

    Post # 9
    821 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    BritishBride2015: I can’t speak to why your family/close friends didn’t call you to see how you were doing, but honestly, I wouldn’t hold it against everyone else. Personally, if I received a STD of a non-family member or close friend and the wedding was called off, I don’t think I would say anything. My reasoning would be that I wouldn’t want to embarasss the couple or bring something up that they didn’t want to talk about. It’s a very intimate and sensitive topic and it’s not something I would assume the couple would want to openly discuss. 

    That said, I agree with Nena16. I would probably have a small wedding especially since you are feeling the way you are. 

    Post # 11
    1272 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    BritishBride2015:  If I were in your position, I would be absolutely heartbroken. I send lots of virtual internet hugs!! Even though I haven’t gone through anything this difficult with my FI, I know how it feels to be ignored when you have an upcoming wedding, and I wish beyond anything that we could just make elopement plans and call off the big white wedding. I don’t think you need to be overly concerned about hurting feelings—this is your day, and I truly believe you should do what you and your FI feel is right. Maybe a small destination wedding would be a fun idea for the two of you!

    Post # 12
    2918 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I agree with the PP.  I would have a small wedding with my closest people. People will no doubt judge you, as that is unfortunately the way of the world, so I would just avoid that. You don’t need those FB friends at your wedding anyway. They can see the fabulous pics 🙂

    Post # 13
    931 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    BritishBride2015:  If i had heard through the grapevine (your immediate family/friends had informed me) that your relationship was tumultuous, i would’nt have asked about it either.

    My cousin and his wife sent out invites and they split up and cancelled the wedding because the wife got mad at the best man for not having his suit ready. They got back together a year later and remarried and are still married 15 years later but noone asked them about it. People want to give you your space.

    Send out your invites as normal.

    Post # 14
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    BritishBride2015:  i dont think re-evaluating your goals and doing a smaller gathering would offend anyone. We did this my new husband and i just got married had an amazing reception with just family and witnesses and it was great. I did not have to wonder about who is supportive and who isnt on my happy day. My circumstances are different but i also faced some issues as i come from a small community that decided that i am odd for marrying an outsider so i knew there were a bunch of people questioning my decision so i had no problem having less than 30 guests. And if you really want to invite everyone again thats fine just be ready for questions and possibly some judgement. 

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