Weddingbee boards

So after several months of wedding planning, we've realized that a wedding just isn't going to be what we want. I had always hoped that a wedding would be a wonderful experience of community love and, well, that people would be happy for us. Short background: I was in fostercare and have no family coming to the wedding. His family doesn't care about weddings and thinks the whole thing is a little ridiculous. I and my fiancé are both shy and don't have a lot of friends. Nobody was interested in looking at wedding dresses with me and my FI gets constant comments from his family whining about having to dress up for the wedding. 

 So this week we started to wonder why we were spending so much money (nobody has offered *any* financial assistance, not even a token gesture, nor have we been offered any help) for people who aren't really interested in coming to our wedding. Any time I envisioned the wedding, I just saw frowning, disapproving people sitting in a beautiful decorated ballroom making snippy comments while we had our first dance. It just feels miserable and lonely. I realized that my family is my FI and he is the person who makes me feel not lonely. So why not have a wedding with the people we want to? Namely, the two of us :-). And if we're not having a wedding, we can actually afford to take a honeymoon.

We've decided to elope - city hall and maybe two friends as witnesses. We'll take the photographer we've already put down a deposit for. And we're absolutely dressing up with full wedding gown and tuxedo for the occasion. 

My question is: how to we tell people we're going to elope? We sent out Save the Dates for next year in August and we can't really get married sooner than next August because we'll be leaving the country for a year, returning next July. It would be hard to just quietly elope without telling people because they'll notice we haven't sent invitations and some people from out of town might make travel arrangements. (and no, we're not getting married abroad - the paperwork where we're going is nuts!) FI is very much against saying we're eloping to save money. He's worked very hard to get his mother to understand he's a financially stable adult. Besides, she'd just say we should have a punch-based wedding. (previously she suggested we invite 250 people and just serve them non-alcoholic punch all night without any food, all in an effort to not spend money). Ideas?? 

Oh wow. This is a tough one. You can't just send out a note saying the wedding is cancelled, because that will send out the wrong idea. You can't go out and get married right away because of your trip. I guess you'll have to just contact each person you invited and say that you realized a big wedding just wasn't for you, but you thank them for their well wishes (even though it doesn't sound like they were giving many!). If they press you on it, I'd just stick with being vague: A lot of factors went into the decision...maybe you could blame it on being abroad for so long, and the difficulties of planning from afar.

Regardless, congrats on coming to a decision that's right for you guys. It sounds like you'll be much happier!

Thank you to everybody with the advice. Under other circumstances we'd just elope and send an announcement, but we're getting back to California July 2010 and the wedding was supposed to be August 2010. There's really no room to *not* send invitations in that timeline; people will be asking about them and I don't really feel comfortable leading people on for a year, telling them that there will be a wedding next August. 

@ Jenniphyr: I completely agree with you! I'm sorry if I wasn't clear. I just meant that nobody has offered to, say, help tie bows on favors and there haven't been any token gestures either. His mother demanded that we invite 200 more people and she didn't offer to help pay for any of them. I thought that when making that sort of demand, she might offer at least to help/contribute in some way, you know?

 I think everybody is right about keeping it, sorry for the pun, cheerful. :-) 

You have received some wonderful suggestions here! I particularly like the idea of hosting a casual reception rather than a major event. There is something so inimate and romantic about eloping. I love the fact that it is centered around the two of you - especially in a situation like yours. But it is also nice to give others the chance to celebrate with you. Keep us posted on what you decide to do!

Honestly, I'm so hurt right now by the constant sniping (just received another bad email this morning) that I don't want to have any reception at all. I can't imagine any of them wanting to celebrate with us. I'm hurt enough that the thought of being honest and saying "we're not having a reception because we felt thoroughly unloved" sounds appealing - not that I would ever be so rude, but it sure sounds nice!