Okay maybe we were being gauche, but wasn't she also?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

She was ridiculous to call you.  I wouldn’t worry about it.  She sounds a little intense!

Post # 4
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

No, that woman was insanely rude.  I’d count myself lucky if she doesn’t come.  I wouldn’t want any gifts from her!

Post # 5
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am from Hamilton and now live in Burlington…..i have NEVER EVER EVER EVER seen a wedding invitation stating that someone wanted monetary gifts….I don’t know what type of etiquette the people who are inviting you to weddings have but it’s not a customary thing in this area….

 

If you do not register people will assume that you want money, or may give gift cards or token gifts…..

 

My FI’s cousins recently got married in TO, and no, they did not put anything on their invites about wanting money…they didn’t register since they have a tiny condo and ddidn’t need stuff….people took the hint and gave either cash or gift cards/certificates to things….

Post # 6
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@Quorina:  She was rude to call you at 6am and wake you up just to chew you out.

I don’t care what the reason is, you don’t call the bride at that time in the morning and start a fight.

This said, you did the right thing to have no registry/ a small registry and to use word of mouth. I do think that “monetary gifts only” thing is tacky, though. My friends and family often put “the pleasure of your company is all we require”, or even “because we live in a teeny tiny XYZ/ because of ABC, we kindly request no gifts” on their invitations.

This is code for “gifts are not mandatory, but cash always is appreciated”.

Post # 7
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Quorina:  It’s not tacky for your FMIL to tell someone who asked that you are hoping for cash gifts to help defray the cost of the wedding. The lady asked and got an answer she felt was inappropriate. Go pound sand!

Post # 8
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Small world! I’m from the GTA, also living in Hamilton now. Although I think you’ve made quite an odd generalization between the two, but whatever! I understand the rant, and there’s always going to be some saying registries are rude, others saying money only requests are rude, or honeymoon funds are rude! Just can’t please anyone. But good for you for sticking to your grounds though! As much as I’d prefer money, I will still happily olbige with a registry… you’re telling me there’s NOTHING that people can buy you that you will find useful?

Post # 9
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Quorina:  I don’t think it’s tacky to spready via word of mouth that you prefer cash.  That’s actually how you are supposed to do it.

However, I think it’s in poor form to say you want cash to pay for the wedding.  I’d personally be put off by it.  I’d be thinking, “Really?  You want me to pay for your wedding?  I’m not responsible for paying for your big party.  You’re definitely getting an engraved ceramic rooster.”  Now I know you aren’t expecting gifts, but when you tell people you want money to pay for the wedding, this is the impression you are giving.  From now on, it’s probably best to say that you and your FI are saving up for a house/honeymoon/new furniture/etc.

Having said that, calling a stranger up and yelling at her for asking for cash is not the appropriate response – not by a long shot.  That woman is crazy and waaaay out of line.  Why she thought that was a good idea, I’ll never know.  But she’ll be family, so I’d just roll my eyes and laugh it off.

Post # 11
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@darkflame:  +1. I am from Toronto, and have never in my life seen anything such as the OP mentioned ‘Monetary gifts requested’ on an invitation, or included with an invitiation.
However, i do not think it is rude or tacky for family members to spread the word that cash is appreciated.

Post # 12
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@darkflame:  +1.. I’m from the GTA and I’ve never seen anything writte on an invitation like that, and I’ve been to lots of weddings. Not sure if that’s just the social circle you travel in, but it isn’t regional. 

i think she was rude to call.

Post # 13
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@darkflame:  I was born and raised in the GTA and went to tons of weddings in Hamilton. I’ve never once seen it on an invitation that monetary gifts are preferred.

Post # 14
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@hotpinkbride:  lmao omg! hilarious.

 

I think the summary of this post and the news article is that this is very much a cultural thing/opinion and leave it at that.

Post # 16
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Thanks GTA bees, glad to know I’m not insane lol…..I have never seen that….I once had “cash bar” on an invite, but that was it…

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