If you're not married yet, are you a virgin and waiting until you're married? I've really wanted to know this, because it seems like nobody is, so I'm just curious.
Two part question!
@yanamari: No, I'm not a virgin and I don't think I would ever date a man that was a virgin. I'm 32 years old, I'm more interested in a man that has had some experience in that area and knows what he is doing. My first boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other in high school. It was sweet:0)
We were both brought up to believe that you shouldn't until you were married, so we didn't rush into things. We've been together 6 years now, engaged, and we're both each other's first everything, which has worked out nicely.
But I think the bond we've gained from living together and being sexually active has certainly helped develop our relationship to a different level of comfort and security, which we wouldn't have had if we'd abstained.
No, and I would never marry someone I have never had sex with. Not every couple is sexually compatible, and sex is a very important part of a relationship and marriage. Once the sex and intimacy are gone, you're basically just 2 friends living together and sharing finances.
We aren't virgins, but we were each other's first and only, and we waited a year before we had sex for the first time. I am glad that he is the only one I will have ever had sex with though :) Feels more special that way for me
We are each other's second. We didn't start having sex for a few months because it was important to me to make sure he was in this relationship for the right reasons since I had just been used for sex by my ex. I couldn't imagine not sleeping with someone before I married them.
Sorry, not a virgin here either lol. I guess I was not brought up in religion so I never had any of that 'virgin until marriage' pressure. Honestly I was pretty glad to get it over with. I was with the guy I lost my virginity to for 8 months, and we were both virgins at the time. At the time I did think I would marry him, but in retrospect that's silly since I was 17 at the time!
I do think of sex as something pretty sacred and special, though. I've only slept with 4 people in my life. Maybe that sounds like a lot to some people, but I think my number is pretty low. All but one happened in a loving relationship. The one not in a relationship was with a friend. I've never had any one night stands or anything.
I think you just need to be confident in your decisions and do what's best for you. Don't let yourself be pressured to compromise on your values. Personally I would not want to marry someone without ensuring we had similar sex drives etc. I know that everyone uses the car analogy and it isn't quite the same, but I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first.
We were together for 3 years prior to engagement and has sex for the first 1.5 years. As our walk grew close to God we decided we should stop having sex and we did. We didn't have sex for almost 2 years before our wedding night.
It was hard but worth it.
We are both virgins waiting until the wedding night. We both feel very strongly about waiting. Only 78 days left! Lol
We are waiting! I was brought up that sex was to be saved for marriage, but that it was ultimately my decision. I understand both sides of the wait/not wait dilema but feel that waiting is right for my SO and I :)
I've had sex in my past, but I just associate it with just, passing infatuations. I've been with my virgin fiance for 2 1/2 years now, and we are waiting until marriage. It's a little hard at times, but I feel like we appreciate each other more for qualities other than just sexual attraction/passions. After marriage though... We're going wild ;D
I didn't vote in the poll because none of them really fit. No we didn't wait until we were married BUT until very recently we were convinced that we would. We have been together for 6 years and lost our virginites to each other at about 5 1/2 years because we knew we were going to get married in the near (ish) future.
We went back and forth about it for a long time because we both were brought up in the church (actually the same church) and were taught that sex was a very special thing that should only be done within marriage. But after lots of serious discussion we decided that we wanted to take that next step. Sometimes I wish that we hadn't started and we had waited until we got married, but then I realize that eventhough we aren't married we have been in a long term committed relationship and have never slept with other people. It was just the right time for us, although I do applaud those of you who are waiting/did wait until you're married!
I am sooo glad we didn't wait. It took us a year to be really sexually compatible and it took a lot of practice (we didn't mind). It took another year for us to be really used to each other and become more "efficient" with our time. I can't imagine how crappy our wedding night sex would have been if we attempted to wait. We probably would have been too nervous to do anything.
I also didn't want marriage to be about sex at all. I wonder if some people get hastily married partially in order to advance their relationship as well as commit to their relationship. That extra motivation (biological urges) seems unhealthy to count in the marriage decision.
Understanding sex is a huge part in a marriage. We didn't believe that we should have to wait to have intercourse but that is what works for our relationship. In the end you have to believe in what your morals are and stick with that!
My husband wasn't a virgin but I was. We dated for like 4 years (!) without having actual sex. I lost my virginity to him a month before our wedding and I'm glad I did before or else I wouldn't enjoy our honeymoon lol (it was super painful for me).
I applaud everyone with the willpower to wait, but I am SO not one of them.
HA! FI was a Marine (and notorious lady-killer) and I stepped out of line a bit before we met. I wasn't nearly old enough to have done too much damage and dated him through college so while my "number" isn't in the double digits, I still wish there were a few names on that list that never got those tickets.
After reading this thread, I feel like a heathen
I was raised in a Christian household and taught to wait until marriage, but I just couldn't realistically stick to it. I waited until I was couple of weeks until I turned 20, though! And I do take sex very seriously.
I ended up making a bad choice in college that I still hate to think about =( I grew up thinking sex before marriage was BAD BAD BAD! But noone ever told me why except "It's not what God wants". That explanation didn't really help me stay strong. When I have kids, I'll tell my children that having sex (at least before I was in a good stable, committed relationship) really messed up my ability to function in a healthy relationship. It's been a tough road for me and my FI because all I've known sex to be in the past is casual and to make the guy interested in me (or keep them interested in me)--I never had a good example of it until now and it breaks my heart that I can't experience it the way it's meant to be with my FI. I can, but i really have to fight hard sometimes to get out of the mentality that he only wants sex, for sex, which is NOT the case. My FI LOVES me and wants to show that to me, but bc of my past choices, I've had the other message hammered into my brain for so long that it's hard to overcome that. I will tell my children that they will be loved by me, their father AND God regardless of if they decide to wait or not, but to fully understand that sex changes things and it is a choice you can NEVER take back.
My SO and I will have been together 4 years in April and we are waiting until marriage To have sex. Being that our relationship has been going on so long, we've gone a little farther than I had planned at a young age 15 when the relationship started. But we are still waiting to have sex. It will be a while before we get married which sucks but we are still waiting. It's definitely been difficult. but I am so excited to be able to give him something on our wedding night that no one else will ever have.
Already married, but I was a virgin. Kind of wish I hadn't waited, just so I wouldn't listen to people say what a terrible idea it is. (Not that I talk about it in real life, but it's hard to read on boards like this)
Originally we were waiting until marriage, but then we grew together and gained a view similar to @chronicwhimsy's
"We were both brought up to believe that you shouldn't until you were married, so we didn't rush into things. We've been together 6 years now, engaged, and we're both each other's first everything, which has worked out nicely.
But I think the bond we've gained from living together and being sexually active has certainly helped develop our relationship to a different level of comfort and security, which we wouldn't have had if we'd abstained."
We've done things, but haven't gone all the way yet. We still live at home. I'd rather have my own place rather than possible get caught. Too many people go in and out of both our houses!
Oh and we've also been together for 6 years and were pretty much each other's first everything!
Waiting! It certainly isn't for everyone, and it certainly isn't easy.. but I am so glad that our first time will be on our wedding night.
We had planned to wait.. and we are also each other's firsts. We waited for actauly sex for about 1.7-1.8 years (about 1 year of which we were sleeping in the same bed.. and fooling around...).
It was very far from a random decision though. We talked about it a lot, and prayed about it.
In the end we both agreed that:
(a) If some one has had the ceremony but not signed the papers - they are considered married.
(b) If someone has signed the papers but not had the ceremony, then they are also married.
as such the actual "marriage" wasnt really a part of either, but a commitment between the two. By this thought process we had been "married" for quite a while.... so... end of problem. :P
Not every couple is sexually compatible, and sex is a very important part of a relationship and marriage. Once the sex and intimacy are gone, you're basically just 2 friends living together and sharing finances.
Said perfect. I couldnt marry someone who I hadnt slept with for this exact reason
@Pokemon: +1 to the previous quote.
We were each others second, and (unless things don't go our way) last as well.
@starrynight: I don't think sex and intimacy are the same thing, but I think some of our intimacy comes from sex. For some people, a MAJOR part of their intimacy comes from sex. It depends on the couple.
@starrynight: thats why the quote said sex AND intimacy. And in a loving relationship I believe they both lead to each other
We waited almost two years. My original plan was to wait until marriage. We decided that our deep love and commitment was enough.
My fiance and I are both virgins, and we are waiting for our wedding night! 222 days to go! :)
My fiance and I are both virgins too and waiting till our wedding night. 234 days to go :)
A lady in my church waited to have sex or even her first kiss until her wedding day. She finally was married at 42. It was very romantic.
@yanamari: It never even accured to me that people keep their virginity until marriage nowadays.
So no I'm not a virgin and my SO isn't either. Also we sleept with other people before meeting and I'm very happy we had some experience.
I don't think I know any virgins to be honest
We had sex a while ago. But it became pretty obvious after a month that it was setroying our relationship. The majority of our relationship was about sex and our emotions fluctuated a lot. I freaked out and thought he was using me. He got upset becuase he couldn't make me happy. And that was enough to make us decide to wait since then. We've seen out relationship grow since then. We are firm in our love for eachother now in a way we weren't before. Trust is an important factor in a sexual relationship and we both had to wait for that to grow. Our conversion to Christianity strengthened our resolve to wait.
I know this is an unpopular belief around here, but we're both waiting. In addition to the religious beliefs I was raised with, sex to me is giving yourself completely to someone, and I just don't feel comfortable doing that with more than one person. I believe that sex is sacred - the only God-like power we are given as humans, to create life - and that it merits a great deal of respect.
I also believe that differences in sex drive, just like any other difference between two people, is something that will always need to be developed and compromised on in a marriage, whether or not you abstain beforehand. In the words of a friend of mine (happily married for 20-ish years now): "Sex, like all things in marriage, is best when we're selfless, putting the other person's needs before our own. We must also realize that the other person's feelings, fears, and yes 'lack of desire' (which does happen from time to time) are real and we need to keep ourselves in check in those moments."
I'm happy we're waiting - happy I can know that FI respects me enough to hold back on his impulses, happy to know that he is dedicated to the teachings in the Bible, happy to know that we will be the only ones to have each other entirely.
Because of my strong Christian beliefs, it was extremely important to me that I remain a virgin until after I was married. Despite my having dated a lot when I was younger, and despite my having had several longer-term (i.e. two-plus-years-long) relationships, and despite my having been engaged once before when I was younger (I eventually broke that engagement), I did not actually end up meeting my DH until I was 45. I was a virgin until I was married and on my honeymoon -- I was 47.
We both lost our virginities when we were 19.. just to different people :)
@Brielle: Wow! That is really impressive. I really admire you!
@gangqinjia: Thank you so much for your very kind words. I give all the glory, honor, and praise to God for protecting and preserving me and for giving me the desire and ability to wait.
I was not a virgin nor was not-boyfriend.
No real point in waiting I think. I need to know if we're sexually compatible.
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