Okay so, super big, private question! You probably know. haha

posted 1 year ago in Christian
  • poll: Are you a virgin and waiting until you're married? Is he?
    Virgin until married. Waited my whole life. : (85 votes)
    11 %
    Didn't believe we needed to wait : (435 votes)
    59 %
    I'm waiting until I'm married for this relationship, but in other relationships I didn't wait : (20 votes)
    3 %
    We didn't wait in the past, but are now deciding to wait until we're married : (48 votes)
    6 %
    I wanted to wait, but he convinced me to do otherwise : (19 votes)
    3 %
    He wanted to wait, but I convinced him to do otherwise : (10 votes)
    1 %
    He is, I'm not : (16 votes)
    2 %
    I am, he's not : (31 votes)
    4 %
    We both are : (77 votes)
    10 %
  • Member
    1681 posts
    Bumble bee

    @yanamari:  No, I’m not a virgin and I don’t think I would ever date a man that was a virgin. I’m 32 years old, I’m more interested in a man that has had some experience in that area and knows what he is doing. My first boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other in high school. It was sweet:0)

    Member
    2167 posts
    Buzzing bee

    We were both brought up to believe that you shouldn’t until you were married, so we didn’t rush into things. We’ve been together 6 years now, engaged, and we’re both each other’s first everything, which has worked out nicely.

    But I think the bond we’ve gained from living together and being sexually active has certainly helped develop our relationship to a different level of comfort and security, which we wouldn’t have had if we’d abstained.

    Member
    2788 posts
    Sugar bee

    No, and I would never marry someone I have never had sex with. Not every couple is sexually compatible, and sex is a very important part of a relationship and marriage. Once the sex and intimacy are gone, you’re basically just 2 friends living together and sharing finances. 

     

    Member
    7090 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    We aren’t virgins, but we were each other’s first and only, and we waited a year before we had sex for the first time. I am glad that he is the only one I will have ever had sex with though :) Feels more special that way for me

    Member
    2224 posts
    Buzzing bee

    We are each other’s second. We didn’t start having sex for a few months because it was important to me to make sure he was in this relationship for the right reasons since I had just been used for sex by my ex. I couldn’t imagine not sleeping with someone before I married them.

    Member
    8046 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Sorry, not a virgin here either lol. I guess I was not brought up in religion so I never had any of that ‘virgin until marriage’ pressure. Honestly I was pretty glad to get it over with. I was with the guy I lost my virginity to for 8 months, and we were both virgins at the time. At the time I did think I would marry him, but in retrospect that’s silly since I was 17 at the time!

    I do think of sex as something pretty sacred and special, though. I’ve only slept with 4 people in my life. Maybe that sounds like a lot to some people, but I think my number is pretty low. All but one happened in a loving relationship. The one not in a relationship was with a friend. I’ve never had any one night stands or anything.

    I think you just need to be confident in your decisions and do what’s best for you. Don’t let yourself be pressured to compromise on your values. Personally I would not want to marry someone without ensuring we had similar sex drives etc. I know that everyone uses the car analogy and it isn’t quite the same, but I wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it first.

    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee

    We were together for 3 years prior to engagement and has sex for the first 1.5 years. As our walk grew close to God we decided we should stop having sex and we did. We didn’t have sex for almost 2 years before our wedding night.

    It was hard but worth it.

    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee

    We are both virgins waiting until the wedding night. We both feel very strongly about waiting. Only 78 days left! Lol

    Member
    680 posts
    Busy bee

    We are waiting! I was brought up that sex was to be saved for marriage, but that it was ultimately my decision. I understand both sides of the wait/not wait dilema but feel that waiting is right for my SO and I :)

    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee

    I’ve had sex in my past, but I just associate it with just, passing infatuations. I’ve been with my virgin fiance for 2 1/2 years now, and we are waiting until marriage. It’s a little hard at times, but I feel like we appreciate each other more for qualities other than just sexual attraction/passions. After marriage though… We’re going wild ;D

    Member
    222 posts
    Helper bee

    I didn’t vote in the poll because none of them really fit.  No we didn’t wait until we were married BUT until very recently we were convinced that we would. We have been together for 6 years and lost our virginites to each other at about 5 1/2 years because we knew we were going to get married in the near (ish) future.  

    We went back and forth about it for a long time because we both were brought up in the church (actually the same church) and were taught that sex was a very special thing that should only be done within marriage.  But after lots of serious discussion we decided that we wanted to take that next step.  Sometimes I wish that we hadn’t started and we had waited until we got married, but then I realize that eventhough we aren’t married we have been in a long term committed relationship and have never slept with other people.  It was just the right time for us, although I do applaud those of you who are waiting/did wait until you’re married! 

    Member
    243 posts
    Helper bee

    I am sooo glad we didn’t wait. It took us a year to be really sexually compatible and it took a lot of practice (we didn’t mind). It took another year for us to be really used to each other and become more “efficient” with our time. I can’t imagine how crappy our wedding night sex would have been if we attempted to wait. We probably would have been too nervous to do anything. 

     

    I also didn’t want marriage to be about sex at all. I wonder if some people get hastily married partially in order to advance their relationship as well as commit to their relationship. That extra motivation (biological urges) seems unhealthy to count in the marriage decision. 

    Member
    2121 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Understanding sex is a huge part in a marriage. We didn’t believe that we should have to wait to have intercourse but that is what works for our relationship. In the end you have to believe in what your morals are and stick with that!

    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee

    My husband wasn’t a virgin but I was. We dated for like 4 years (!) without having actual sex. I lost my virginity to him a month before our wedding and I’m glad I did before or else I wouldn’t enjoy our honeymoon lol (it was super painful for me). 

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