Post # 1
So Boyfriend or Best Friend and I got invited to his family friends’ son’s wedding. We’ve known since the STD that we couldn’t go as its over my graduation weekend for my Ph.D. Anyways, Boyfriend or Best Friend scoffed that we got the invite anyway (I told him that it was proper etiquette to send even though we’re not going) and then told me I was wrong when I said “even though we can’t go we have to send them a gift, it’s proper etiquette.”) I went ahead and bought something off their registry, but I want the satisfaction of knowing I’m right (or well learning something if I’m wrong).
So… opinions on Etiquette —
If you receive an invitation are you expected to give a gift, even if you cannot go?
Post # 3
Family friend’s son? This sounds like a gift grab to me.
If it’s a good friend’s wedding and I can’t go I do send a gift. But for strangers or coworkers that invite me? No gifts for them.
Post # 4
It’s not expected, but it’s certainly very nice to do. I do it whether I can go to the wedding or not.
Post # 5
Technically gifts should never be “expected”.
If you are close to them, getting a gift is a nice gesture but it is by no means required.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Traditionally, yes– if you receive an invitation, you should send a gift with a personalized card telling the couple you’re sorry you can’t make it.
you are also right that they followed the proper etiquette in sending you an invitation even though you can’t attend.
It is also polite to tell the couple ASAP that you can’t make it so they can adjust numbers/seating charts/etc.
Post # 7
Chinese culture yes you should send money gift.
White folk- no known rules on this.
Post # 8
I really think it depends. I’ve missed a wedding and sent a gift and missed one without sending one as well. I didn’t feel bad when I didn’t send a gift.
But short answer, no I don’t think you still need to send a gift.
Post # 10
No, technically they shouldn’t “expect” a gift, as it is up to you to gift it out of gesture, not forced to be. Also, if you declined then it’s not as though they are paying for your hospitality at all.
Post # 11
I said yes, however I am rethinking. If I barely knew someone, I probably would be less likely to send them a gift. If it is a friend and I can’t go, yes I send them a gift.
Post # 12
To me it depends who it is. In your situation, I probably wouldn’t. If I’m really close to the couple than I would.
From someone who is married, I would say it meant a lot when someone who wasn’t there did send a gift. It made me realize they were thinking of me.
Post # 13
I think that it is a nice gesture, but not necessary.
Post # 14
I would personally send a gift. They intended for you to attend which means they would’ve paid for your food, drinks, favor, etc. had you not been busy.
Post # 15
I think that it’s a nice gesture, but DEFINITELY not required. That said, if it was my grandmother or aunt that was invited & couldn’t come, but never sent a gift (or card!), I would be put out. But in your situation? Definately not required OR expected!
Post # 16
I always send something if I’m unable to attend (and I prefer to use their registry since I figure those are the things they most want). However, the amount I spend on their gift depends on how close I am with them.