(Closed) Okay, tell me I'm right here…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If you receive an invitation are you expected to give a gift, even if you cannot go?
    Yes! : (72 votes)
    32 %
    No! : (44 votes)
    20 %
    It depends if you're close or not : (107 votes)
    48 %
  • Post # 3
    3375 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Family friend’s son? This sounds like a gift grab to me.

    If it’s a good friend’s wedding and I can’t go I do send a gift. But for strangers or coworkers that invite me? No gifts for them.

    Post # 4
    5093 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    It’s not expected, but it’s certainly very nice to do.  I do it whether I can go to the wedding or not.

    Post # 5
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Technically gifts should never be “expected”.

    If you are close to them, getting a gift is a nice gesture but it is by no means required.

    Post # 6
    3471 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    Traditionally, yes– if you receive an invitation, you should send a gift with a personalized card telling the couple you’re sorry you can’t make it. 

    you are also right that they followed the proper etiquette in sending you an invitation even though you can’t attend. 

    It is also polite to tell the couple ASAP that you can’t make it so they can adjust numbers/seating charts/etc. 

    Post # 7
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Chinese culture yes you should send money gift.

    White folk- no known rules on this.

    Post # 8
    4355 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I really think it depends. I’ve missed a wedding and sent a gift and missed one without sending one as well. I didn’t feel bad when I didn’t send a gift.

    But short answer, no I don’t think you still need to send a gift.

    Post # 10
    1903 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    No, technically they shouldn’t “expect” a gift, as it is up to you to gift it out of gesture, not forced to be. Also, if you declined then it’s not as though they are paying for your hospitality at all.

    Post # 11
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I said yes, however I am rethinking. If I barely knew someone, I probably would be less likely to send them a gift. If it is a friend and I can’t go, yes I send them a gift.

    Post # 12
    1920 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    To me it depends who it is. In your situation, I probably wouldn’t. If I’m really close to the couple than I would.

    From someone who is married, I would say it meant a lot when someone who wasn’t there did send a gift. It made me realize they were thinking of me.

    Post # 13
    2135 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think that it is a nice gesture, but not necessary.

    Post # 14
    581 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I would personally send a gift.  They intended for you to attend which means they would’ve paid for your food, drinks, favor, etc. had you not been busy.

    Post # 15
    2820 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I think that it’s a nice gesture, but DEFINITELY not required. That said, if it was my grandmother or aunt that was invited & couldn’t come, but never sent a gift (or card!), I would be put out. But in your situation? Definately not required OR expected!

    Post # 16
    2105 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I always send something if I’m unable to attend (and I prefer to use their registry since I figure those are the things they most want).  However, the amount I spend on their gift depends on how close I am with them.

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