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you might check out this thread for some suggestions:
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/anyone-asked-to-be-invited-to-your-wedding
I'm not on social networking sites so I don't have so many requests. But I still can't get over how presumptuous people can be!
Since they're e-viting themselves, why don't you have an e-wedding so to speak? That is, set up a Facebook group for wedding fans, then thank everyone who joined the group for sharing in your special day and apologize to them for not having enough venue room to invite them all. (Great excuse, limited venue size is totally believable) I've seen this successfully done and for e-friends it works great. Don't know how you could do it for Myspace, but maybe you could just send a bulletin with the same message.
The best way I found to avoid this problem is to avoid discussing the wedding planning with people who are not invited.
fizicsgirl - thank you! great resource!
mightysapphire - Lol! I like that idea... that would work for those that "e-vited" themselves
snmcdowell - That makes sense but I didn't discuss any wedding details with the people that are doing this... most of them just bring it up after seeing photos or after introducing my fiance as my fiance... not during wedding talk at all....
Just say "Thanks for the congrats!" and move on. There is NOOOO need for you to feel bad or guilty for not being able to invite them especially if you don't talk to them and they're not in your circle of friends etc... I know how you feel. Especially on Facebook when people can tag photos of you.. (I changed my setting so that only I can see the photos that are tagged of me so even if ppl tag me, unless they know the person that took the picture, they can't see it. I know it's hard not to feel bad but I realized that everyone will have something to say re: whether getting invited or not... but after it's all over.. it's over and they'll probably find some other wedding that they want to go to.. :) ENJOY being engaged... ENJOY planning the day where you get to marry the love of your life... ENJOY the wedding day--- you're getting married!! that's the most important thing... all the other stuff people say--- they will say stuff regardless-- (maybe they have nothing better to do..hehe.. ) Don't let it put a damper on your wedding! If people ask if they can come or are invited, tell them that you have a lot of family members (which is true.. ). Good luck!
i would just say "we wish we could invite all our friends but we have over 300 family members to invite! so unfortunately, it will be a mostly family-only wedding."
i always think it's funny how old friends come out of the woodwork when they find out you are engaged and expect to be invited. people are presumptuous like that! they will take a hint and figure it out when your wedding day comes and goes and they don't get an invite. don't feel bad!
We're running into a similar situation...people are still asking, "why haven't we seen your invitation in the mail yet?"...etiquette says that individuals shouldn't flat out ASK if they're invited. I guess some people aren't in the know.
Tell them you had to draw the line at a certain number...and make 400 your mark, if that's where your current guest list is. Let them know that you both have large families, thus taking up most of the guest slots.
Good luck! I feel your pain...
I just dont really reply to the comments left on facebook or myspace. And don't feel bad about it. I like to step back and ask myself if I would be upset if I wasnt invited to their wedding. If not it doesn't seem to be such a big deal the other way around. Does that make sense?
I would just ignore them. If they bring it up to you in a more direct way- like via e-mail, phone or in person then you can say, "Our wedding is out of control with the size of our families. We would have loved to invite everyone, but The Staples Center was too expensive!"
And trust that just by asking they are being rude, so a straightforward and honest answer is an acceptable response.
I am in your EXACT situation!!!!!! I had SO many people message me on facebook like "OHMIGOD i'm so happy for you, I can't wait for the invite!" or "Congratulations, this is going to be the party of the century!" We have the guestlist at 250 (cause that's how many people can fit at our venue) so there is no way that I could say to them "It's going to be a small private affair" esp. since I know people are going to take pics and post them. And it doesn't help that my fiance and I went to the same college and were practically in every organization (sometimes in the same organization) and our MUTUAL friends circle is around 300+
...not to metion if they have gotten married or engaged to people we don't know...and BOTH of us have huge families...It is an ongoing nightmare...sometimes I wish we aren't getting married in the same city we went to school at so it wouldn't be so easy for everyone to make it 
but what I have done so far is to tell people that our guestlist would be outrageous if we invited everyone we wanted to but because we could only invite a certain amount it limits who we can invite. I don't know...i'm teetering with the idea of having a brunch the next day for people we couldn't invite as well as family but who knows...
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We're having a reoccuring problem with people assuming they're invited to our wedding. Everyone from co-workers to old friends that we haven't spoken to for years.
I'm friends with many of them on networking sites like Myspace or FaceBook and they've been sending me messages like "Congrats, we can't wait for your wedding!" or even "Beautiful ring, girl! I better be getting an invitation LOL" ... Most of these, I've ignored because I really don't know how to tell them - especially over sites like myspace and facebook.
We can't tell them we're having a small wedding because I know they will hear about it through the grapevines and/or see photos afterwards. There is no way to pass off a wedding of 400+ guests (80% family) as a small wedding. There will inevitably be friends that we are close with, invited and will attend, who may be mutual friends with the uninvited and as a result - word will travel.
We just can't afford nor feel the need to spend $100 per person for people we haven't kept in touch with for 1+ years...(aside from the occasional picture comment or holiday greeting). Should I respond? What should we say?