Post # 1
I’ve seen on here, Pinterest and elsewhere putting old family wedding photos on a guest book table or somewhere else as decor at the reception. I really love that for many reasons, mostly b/c my father passed away when I was a baby and I lost all 4 of my grandparents over the years and was very close with all of them. It would be a fun and sentimental way to “have them” with me on that day. It would also go with the vintage, autumn, rustic look I’m going for. They’re all beautiful photos as well.
However, FI’s parents are divorced so there wouldn’t be photos of them. I was thinking of getting around this by maybe a pic of each of them separately with him when he was a baby. He says they don’t “have any” of those pictures. I suggested maybe just his grandparents, then. He says his maternal grandparents don’t have any pics taken (long story) and his paternal grandparents, it’d be a stretch to obtain the photo.
I don’t want to ostracize my in-laws, but this is something that means a lot to me. Has anyone been in this situation? Or maybe, is someone in my FI’s situation? I’d love to hear your thoughts, thanks!
Post # 2
For my daughter’s bridal shower, we had photos of the 2 mothers and 3 grandmothers (who attended), in their bridal gowns, on the fireplace mantle. It might be a better idea, considering the issues with photos for the groom’s side, to display your side at your shower?
Post # 3
PABride: That’s a GREAT compromise! Unfortunatly, IDK if my FMIL even has a bridal portrait. She lost a lot of her photos in the divorce . It’s worth asking, I guess.
I keep trying to see this from my FI’s POV, but I can’t help but be a little miffed. This is something that means a lot to me and no matter what compromise I try and think of, it doesn’t work. I know it’s not his fault, but it’s not mine either. Sorry, just a little bridezilla rant!!!
Post # 4
It’s frustrating, but if they don’t have the pictures, they don’t have them. For whatever reason, photos aren’t that important in many families. I can’t see getting upset with your FI about it. Will he or the in-laws have a problem with you just displaying your pictures? If it’s important to you that sounds like the best thing to do.
Post # 5
BurlapnLace: I’m in a similar boat. I wanted to do similar and make a family tree of wedding photos. On my side of the family, there are many strong marriages. Only one divorce and one separation, both cousins who wouldn’t be expected to be on this family tree. Not only is his family small, but the only ones who are still married and haven’t been disowned are his parents, his paternal grandparents and his aunt and uncle. I don’t know the history with his great grandmothers, so we may be able to get a picture there, but that’s really it. That makes a rather lopsided tree. He said I can talk to his grandpa about getting pictures for the family members they don’t talk to and won’t be invited, but I’m on the fence about it.
Maybe you could do it as an “In Memoriam” thing. So your grandparents and maybe one of just your dad on the wedding day. Does he have anyone who’s passed on his side? Even if he doesn’t, I don’t think being left out of a memorial would offend anyone.
Post # 6
Go over your FI’s head and contact his mom about obtaining any family photos or ones of her in her dress. Even family portraits that aren’t wedding ones would make them feel included without making anything awkward. But I wouldn’t just take FI’s word that no pictures of him with his parents individually exist. Boys are dumb lol there have to be acceptable photos!
Also, how recent is the divorce? I’m totally displaying a picture of my divorced (well, actually, never married) parents! I don’t give a shit and neither do they because all the ugliness was 20 years ago.
Post # 7
spiffanee: I’d have to ask him that. I just don’t want anyone to feel left out, you know?
HonoraryNerd: He has, but he wasn’t close with any of them. Even yesterday I asked who he’d like to include in the prayers during the ceremony and he said no one! Clearly, none of this is that important to him but it is to me.
Post # 8
Sooo…do it for your family then? Sounds like you’ve done all you can, and if they aren’t getting you any pictures and don’t care about it, why would they feel left out?
Post # 9
I wouldn’t do any old wedding pictures. It is rude to the divorced/separated people, and not necessary. You can do in memorian. leave it at that.
Post # 10
BurlapnLace: I recently went to a wedding that had a “wish you were with us” table. It included photos of many disceased relatives. Maybe that would be better?
Post # 11
Hmm, that’s tough. I’m going through something kind of similar. I want to have all of our parents and grandparent’s wedding pictures. His parents are divorced and his mother is remarried. Obviously, I don’t want to have pictures of his mom and dad, AND his mom and stepdad’s wedding, but then I worry his dad will feel left out.
I thought we would also put out some family pictures of when we were babies (just one or two), that way his dad will still be represented. Could you see if there are any baby pictures of him? Maybe ask his mom or dad directly instead of him since he doesn’t seem to care?
Post # 12
spiffanee: I’m not upset at him, I’m upset at the situation. I’ve had to make a few compromises to be sensitive to his family situation, but this one is something I really care about. I’m not sure if they would have a problem with just my family there, I feel like it would be a slap in the face though. I wish it wasn’t such a delicat situation!
HonoraryNerd: I really like that “in memoriam” idea. Again, he seems completely uninterested in referencing relatives that have passed b/c he wasn’t close with anyone, so I’d have to go over his head to get those photos too! It’s just a PITA!!!
208bride: Yeah, we’re looking at 20+ years here too but it was bitter and still is. FI made a comment that my FMIL is worried about how my FFIL’s friends (who I don’t even want there) will “treat her” at the reception. I said, “With a f**king smile on their face and with respect. If anything else occurs, they can be made to leave. That simple.” It’s a bit ridiculous.
swonderful: I love that idea. Again, it’s hard to get FI to work with me on this and get pics of his family.
Thanks for the suggestions! I guess if this is something I want to do, I’ll have to do the leg work and keep my FI out of it haha.
Post # 13
We are planning on having photos of our deceased grandparents on our guest book table, with a sign that says something about them being in memory. Right now, I have my dad’s parents wedding picture, and will hopefully get his mom’s parents wedding picture.
I lost my Grandma 2 years ago today, so I really want to inlcude her in some way in our wedding – I was her oldest grandchild and she never got to see any of them get married.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2014 - Fourth Presbyterian Church, Chicago, IL & Cheney Mansion, Oak Park, IL
No idea what to do about he lack of any photos at all on his side, but we did a huge photo display in the library at our reception. Some were wedding photos, including at least one from one set of my grandparents and I think his parents. My parents are divorced and my dad is remarried and we just didn’t use any wedding pictures of either of my parents. They were in plenty of other pictures and since the wedding pictures were mixed in with everything else, it didn’t feel like those were missing. (I even had one with both parents in it from when I was 2)
Post # 15
BurlapnLace: I would just do this for the shower, then. I had pinned a bunch of really cute photo ideas for the wedding a while back, but quickly realized none of them would work without leaving his family out. FI’s parents are divorced and he isn’t really a fan of having his mom and step-dad’s wedding portrait at the wedding (for fear his dad would feel left out). I am going to do it at my shower instead. Even in my family, I wouldn’t showcase my Nana’s wedding portrait because she and my grandfather had a messy divorce, so it’s not a happy memory, nor is it a happy picture (they both look obviously miserable to be getting married). Plus, he will be attending with his wife of 30+ years and I am NOT putting their wedding photo out.
I still plan on taking pictures of me holding my parents wedding portrait and my grandparent’s wedding portrait.