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moms over 35 are considered high-risk, so i don't know if there's much of a difference between 37 and 40 pregnancy-wise. i would have a talk with your doctor and a complete physical work-up.
that being said, there is no perfect time to have a baby so don't stress yourself out with too much planning!
My opinion is that no one is ever in a perfect place to have a baby. If you are financially stable, I would start now rather than later. I honestly think all of us have some debt and other issues, but you can spend your time TTC and your pregnancy getting a financial plan in place.
If nothing else go get a check-up with your OB/GYN now. Getting pregnant in your late 30s and early 40s can be difficult for some people. I would want to know now if there are going to be any issues getting pregnant.
One final thing is that the older you are, the higher risk you carry for birth defects in the baby.
Good luck in your decision!
I saw my doc yesterday and asked the same question (I'll be 33 when we marry but we're not quite ready to start TTC yet) - yes, once you get past 35, every year counts. There is a significant difference in risk, unfortunately :( Also I'm of the school of thought that "no time is the perfect time" to have kids, there's never enough money, always other things to do, etc... I'd go for it sooner rather than later and your debt will take a little longer to pay off, but will probably be worth it in the end to try sooner.
Personally, I would wait. There's not much of a difference (physically) in getting pregnant at 37 versus getting pregnant at 38, but it sounds like the extra year would make a big difference in your finances, lifestyle, and opportunities. Of course, this is coming from someone who wishes she was at home with her baby right now instead of at work. :)
I'm 33 and we got married in April. We started TTC in the past couple months. If I had a crystal ball that said we would have no trouble conceiving at all I would have probably waited another year but since I don't we decided to try. If I were a couple years older I'd probably feel the same way but it's such a personal decision. I hope your decision works out for the best either way!
I'm not in my 30's yet, but it is very important to FI and I that we wait until we are financially stable enough to have one of us at home with our child the majority of the time. If that means waiting until or past the mid-30's, so be it. Daycare options are a personal choice, but I already know I won't feel comfortable unless FI and I are the primary people who raise our child (I mean, I get sad thinking about leaving my DOG at home all day; I couldn't leave my baby!).
(and by the way, sorry--I just re-read your question and realized I didn't really answer it; I was commenting more on the poll :))
Hmmm, I say go for it. I have seen what the stress of trying to conceive can do to older couples who are ready but happen to be having some difficulty. It sounds like you are reasonably financially stable, so I don't see why you would wait to be honest.
I agree with previous posters that if you decide to wait a couple more years, it would probably be beneficial to talk to your OB/Gyn about it and try to take care of any medical issues or questions you may have, and also for you to start charting or otherwise getting to know your cycle, so that when you decide it is time to start trying, you'll have a better idea of how to time your "attempts." You could also look at that time as an opportunity to practice healthy eating and exercise habits so that by the time you are looking to conceive, you're in a great place physically as well as financially.
If 1 year would drastically change you financial situation then personally, I would wait the year until your debt is cleared, but its very important to me and my husband to try to be in the best place financially that we can be before having children.
We have several friends who have either gotten pregnant or had children recently without trouble – all mothers (and fathers) were over 40 and got pregnant quickly and had healthy, lovely, chubby babies! ;-)
I think that a year is such a short period of time that I wouldn't wait, it would be different if you needed at least 3 or 4 years to get right financially.
Statically women over 35 have a decrease in fertility and an increase in chances of miscarriage or birth defects. Based on that it could take you longer than a year to get pregnant so even if you started trying now it may not happen as quickly as you think. Of course every woman is different so you might be good on your first try.
I'd say talk to your OB/GYN about it - at least they could do some tests and make sure that you don't have any issues that may effect your fertility and they could also help you prepare your body so that you have a better change of conceiving (losing or gaining weight, quitting smoking or drinking, charting etc)
I can't decide for you, but I will mention what we are doing. I was 36 when we got married last year and I decided that I wanted to be married at least a year before we tried, we had only been together about two years and we had not lived together prior to Marriage. I'm 37 and change and thinking about going off the pill next month, I would like to wait longer but I'm a bit afraid to. My sister is having trouble conceiving her second at 34 almost 35 and my mom had an early Hystrectomy at 32. Also my materal Aunt had PCOS. We are in good financial shanpe but we are stuck in a condo that my husband owned which is under water. We can afford the mortgage but not the loss to sell or the monthly loss since rents in our complex are nowhere near the monthly mortgage. So many things to think about. It sometimes sucks to have gotten married older.
Ahhh thank you kayakgirl73! It is tough! My hubbie & I just got married about a month ago & we have been together now for 2 years & we have TWO houses!!!! ha! Luckily we have rented out his & we are living in mine & it is plenty of room for us, a baby & 4 boxers! ha! I am hoping the renter renews his lease in April because if we have to put it on the market we will take a loss I'm sure....plus then there is 2 mortgages to pay for until it sells! At least now the rent we get covers the mortgage......but there you go - if we didn't have the renter how could we afford a baby & 2 mortgages????
I love my husband with every ounce of my being! I was married before for 8 years to a not nice man. He was abusive physically & emotionally. Thank goodness we didn't have kids - he would "toy" with me about it - tell me he wanted them & then change his mind....then say yes, then say no. When I saw his violent side I knew I couldn't bring a child into that so I just pushed the baby thing wayyyyyy down deep inside & convinced myself I didn't want kids. Well thank the lord I was able to leave him!
and then God blessed me with the wonderful man I now call my husband! He is wonderful, kind, patient, giving, fun, stable - just everything I used to dream of!!!! We got married & the baby wanting resurfaced! I feel blessed that I even found this man & now I even have to think about WHEN to have a baby! ha! yes being older can suck but being happy with a man who loves you ~ is worth alot!
@shelbifox15: I am so happy for you that you were able to find the perfect man. The same thing happened to me, and it is hard to leave. I'm sorry you went through that. I turned 37 in July and right now I am waiting to find out if I'm pg (early in the 2WW still so maybe/maybe not). We did not want to wait because I have a history of miscarriages from my ex. We both have decent jobs and not a lot of debt but we don't own a home yet or anything, and I don't care. I don't strive for a lot of material things (by that I mean the most expensive cars or clothes and things like that.), and I just want to have good jobs and not live check to check. We are good there, so we are not waiting. The other reason is that we want to have more than 1 so every year counts! I don't know if you've considered that or if you only want one child or just see what happens, but that is another big factor for us. I want 2 or 3 and FI would have as many as possible. haha Not gonna happen, but I hope to get 2 at least but would love 3! And I don't want multiples. I don't know what will happen, but these are my reasons for not waiting. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and go for it. But if it's not right for you right now and you don't feel comfortable going for it, I don't think one year is the end of the world. I think you should definitely get off the pill now, because your cycle may not regulate right away. Maybe even take up charting to see how things are working and get with your doctor for a pre TTC appointment. I don't know where you live, so I can't speak for the renting issue, but I wouldn't think you would have trouble keeping a renter if you needed to. I know it's hard though, because good renters can be hard to find. Good luck with whatever you decide. And congratulations on your happy marriage!
Not everyone is like me, but I was 38 when we decided to finally go for it. We got pregnant in our first month of trying. We expected it to be a year long process.
If you are talking risk of birth defects, yes, they increase every year... but many of us older first time moms are willing to take that risk in order to conceive under optimal circumstances.
We thought we were going to wait another year until we were more established before we had the baby, but it turns out in retrospect that our timing was perfect. By straddling two jobs with my maternity leave, I ended up getting a 4 month leave instead of the 12 weeks we anticipated. It's incredibly hard to be back at work, but I always knew I wouldn't be a stay at home mom.
Every year the risks increase for birth defects and (I believe) your fertility is at risk for declining. But only you can weigh how big the debts are you want to pay off against your willingness to accept slightly higher risks....I do know that there are women who see a dramatic drop off in fertility in their late 30s - you should consult with your doctor to see if he/she thinks you might run that risk.
My FI's mom was 38 when she had his younger brother (35 when she had FI). It was the best thing she ever did according to her. It is possible for you to wait but if you believe you are ready now then there is no reason to hold off. There will only become more risks the longer you wait.
I think it very much depends on how much you want a child and how open you are to assisted reproduction or adoption if conceiving naturally doesn't work out. I am 35 and both my GYN and primary care doctor have said that while there isn't much difference in fertility between a year or two in your twenties, a year or two can make a huge difference in your late 30s because the declines can be steep. The thing is you don't know if you will have fertility problems until you actually start trying and if there are are complications that might lengthen the process. I've had a lot of friends that have said it took a lot longer to get pregnant than they thought and I've had a lot that got pregnant within a few months, you just never know. For my husband and I, I think there is no perfect time for a child from a career/money perspective but I don't want to wait if that might even potentially make a difference. I figure I can always make up for lost time on my career later.
Only you can decide but this is my story:
I turn 35 on Saturday. We got married in August. We're not waiting and this month will be the first official month that we try. I stopped taking BC in August and started charting last month to get used to taking my temps and figuring out how it works. We don't want to wait because we don't know if it will take a long time or a short time to get pregnant. We may want to have more than one or two kids and the older I get the more difficult it might be to get pregnant and/or raise many kids.
We could always have more money, have a better time in life, etc., so we're just going to see what happens. We're doing our part and leaving the rest up to whomever/whatever is out there!
Good luck with your decision. Remember also, if you decide to wait for now, you can always change your mind!
What I don't get is when people say don't worry about money.....but money is what pays the bills, insurance bills, it keeps your lights on & your water running, it puts food on your table & a roof over your head.... how can people not give it a thought.
I think they might be referring the relative importance of money - compared to a lot of people you are in a good situation and it is true (at least I think) that people never have enough money to have a baby - if you really added it all up no one would think they can afford a baby!
It seems like PPs were saying that if you both have good jobs then you can work on debt and have a baby - if that's what you want to do.
But it is also true that it's important to go into it as responsibly as you can. It's just racing against the clock in the 30's that makes it that much trickier...
Thanks EVERYONE for your opinions.....I guess my left brain & my right brain are fighting against one another! ha! Story of my life....I have two college degrees ~ one in Interior Design & one in Accounting! ha!
So I guess my creative, free-flowing self is saying "go with your heart, things will work out". Then my practical, analytical, accounting self (which is actually my career) is saying "CHECK THE BUDGET!!!!"
ha!
I know God lead me to my husband & he will guide me to the best decision. I don't think God lead us to one another to not have a true "family". It will work out if it is meant to be....
Bless all of you!!!!
As many have said the risk does start to rise each year after age 35 (not linearly, more like exponentially), but you should wait until you are comfortable!
The only other thing I wanted to contribute (if you hadn't already thought of it) is the cost of potential infertility treatments. Not to imply that you would need it at all, or that one year could make the difference in you needing it/not needing it - it's just something I consider from time to time.
For example, we should probably wait until we finish our training to get pregnant, but every now and then I wonder how much (biologically) "easier" it would be to get pregnant the earlier we try. Not being able to conceive scares the bejeesus out of me!
But look at Mrs. DG - she did it in ONE MONTH! Amazing :)
Good luck!! <3
I'm 32, DH is 39 and we're waiting a year or so before we start trying because we want to enjoy being married for a while before expanding our family. But we're also waiting for financial reasons (we could afford a baby now, but it would be a lot easier once we paid off a car and had a lot more in savings).
What if you waited 6 or 9 months or so before you started trying? That way you could really make a huge dent in your debt, but if it took a little while to get pregnant, you could still save/pay off debt during that time? My husband keeps reminding me you don't actually get the baby as soon as you get pregnant, so we'd still have months to save.
Good luck with your decision!
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Are there any of you out there that are older ~ say 36/37 that are waiting to TTC for at least a year???? My hubbie & I had the talk last night & if we wait a year before trying then we can pay off our debts. Also if we do that then hopefully by the time we do have a baby I might be able to stay at home with the baby
Now the question is at turning 37 in a few days is that a gamble???? I will get off the pill & use condoms until ready but then the fear of losing a year of trying sets in. I'm ok with being 40 & being pregnant with first & only baby - what is a few years...If I got pregnant now I'd still be 55 when the baby turned 18 - so whats the diff between 55 & 58???? Hubbie is the young one at being 33 in March :)
What to you think Wise Ladies of the BEE HIVE?????