Post # 1
One of my sisters is getting married, and would like my middle-school-age daughter to be a bridesmaid (alongside the groom’s early teen son). She would be the youngest attendee (out of 150ish), but she can handle it. There will also be a few teenage children of friends, but not many. My kids are the only young close relatives in either family.
Younger children are not invited, including my elementary-age son. He is a bit hyper, and probably would require a lot of supervision to avoid causing a ruckus. When I asked if he would like to go, he said he would rather do something else (e.g. spend the night with a friend).
Should I be concerned that later on he will come to feel offended about being excluded?
Should I be concerned that my sister shows favortism to my daughter?
Should I just relax and enjoy the wedding?
Post # 3
Elementary school kids don’t get offended about not being invited to weddings, they are familiar with the concept of having to be XXX age or XXX height to participate in an activity. Have fun and be happy that you won’t have to supervise anyone who has trouble sitting still through a ceremony or reception!
Post # 4
You know, surprisingly, I do have a problem with this. To me it’s either all children or no children, the age cut off bothers me a bit. I’m all for child-free weddings but this does bother me.
But since your son would rather do something else, I wouldn’t push it. If it was a wedding I was traveling a long distance for and we couldn’t make alternative arrangements for the other child, then I would bow-out.
Post # 5
Kids don’t care. And if they did, they will get over it. She’s not showing favortism. It’s just that your daughter is a more appropriate age to participate. Yes, relax.
ETA: That sounds a little snippy. 🙂 I just meant to answer all your questions!
Post # 6
My opinion might not be super popular, but I think that like events for adults, not all children are completely suited to particular events and therefore shouldn’t be invited. I wouldn’t invite a cousin’s bratty children (for examples sake only, I’m sure your son is great) in the same sense that I would not invite the family drunk. Not everyone is meant to go to everything.
I would just relax and go with your daughter. Your son shows no interest in going, and you’ve recognized that he’s a handful who could cause problems at this event if not closely monitored. The bride will probably be happy to be minus a distraction/ruckus/potential issue.
Look at it as a night out with your daughter- not a night without your son! I bet she’ll be excited to spend some time just the two of you!
Post # 7
I don’t think your son will be offended by this in the future and it’s great that he’ll be at a friend’s house instead of a “boring wedding.”
However, I do think it’s rude and thoughtless that your sister wouldn’t invite her nephew to her wedding. Even if there was an age cutoff for more distant children, this is not a random child, it’s her nephew. I would have a serious problem if this happened in my family.
Post # 8
I’m not really a fan of kids at weddings, but she should have invited the whole family if one kid was in the wedding.
I don’t have neices/nephews but I can’t imagine not inviting them to the wedding.
Post # 9
isn’t this what they call a win/win?
I think it is very nice she asked your daughter to be a bridesmaid. I can also understand the age cutoff. Your son gets to have a fun evening at friend’s house and you can have a night out, enjoy!
Post # 10
My mom’s cousins did this when they got married. They had an age cutoff and that was it. This meant that my older brothers were invited and my little brother and I weren’t. I was maybe bummed for a second and then realized that we always had fun with the babysitter. I can understand why you would be upset but I don’t think it’s a big deal.
Post # 11
I did this. The only younger children we invited are our siblings, nieces and nephews (ages 5-11). I have a cousin with a teenage daughter and two other children under 6. I invited the teenager but not her other kids. If she feels this will be traumatic for the kids she can leave them all home. It’s her choice.
Post # 12
Etiquette says you can invite whomever you like. You can invite one brother but not the other, and be perfectly polite. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t upset someone.
I think it is fine. The OP asked the child if they wanted to go, and they said no. There is no reason to even say he wasn’t wanted. You asked he declined the invite.
I can’t think of too many young boys that would prefer going to a ceremony that they have to sit still and quietly, wearing dress shoes, and a clip on tie, followed by another few hours of sitting still and quietly, eating with good manners, a meal that is more adult centered then he may be used to. Then a few hours of dancing. Doesn’t seem like too many young boys would prefer that to staying home with a babysitter and eating hotdogs, and watching movies.
Post # 13
Whenever someone asks on here about “well, I want to invite these kids but not these,” people suggest that they make the kids part of the bridal party! This seems to be the same situation.
Post # 14
My best friend has two children very far apart in age: One was 17 at the time of our wedding and her son was 7. I did ask her if she was offended about not inviting the 7 year old (like he would care) and she said she wouldn’t dream of bringing him. He’d rather be home with a video game so where’s the fun in being dragged to an evening wedding? Plus, it wouldn’t have been fun for her to have to watch and entertain him all night long.
Post # 15
I think it’s rude to invite some children and not others. BUT, you seem to be more concerned with how your son will take it as opposed to the etiquette of the situation.
Should I be concerned that later on he will come to feel offended about being excluded? No, boys (especially that young) really don’t care about things like weddings. If he said he wants to do something else that’s more fun, I wouldn’t worry about him being offended down the road.
Should I be concerned that my sister shows favortism to my daughter? I’m not sure this could be labeled favoritism, as your daughter is in the wedding and your son is not.
Should I just relax and enjoy the wedding? Yup!
Post # 16
i’m doing this and i’m certain it won’t go over well. but i do not care.
my fsil just had a baby…cutest thing on the planet….not invited
she has two boys that will be 14 and 12 for the wedding and my other fsil has a daughter that will be 14 all invited. they know how to sit still and when to make noise
my fbil has 2 children under 5…again not invited and that fbil is coming from out of town. still don’t care. my wedding my rules. i wouldn’t be offended if someone had the common sense to say that children around this age can’t handle it and will be bored, and i had children. also i assume my younger nephew the 12 yo will stay behind with his sister…he hates mushy stuff