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yep my fi is 11 years older than me and I get it all the time!
@MissKimchi:It really sucks though, I wonder if the fact that Im only 24 makes it such a big deal. Funny thing is I never think about it until other people bring it up.
My FI is 5 years older than me but I look WAY younger than I actually am so people tend to give us a lot of strange looks. We just think it's funny and laugh at stupid people who assume things.
yep i'm 27 and we've been together since I was 24. It bugs my fi more than it does me...when I really want to annoy him, i'll bring up the fact that I was only 7 when he was graduating HS...he hates it...BWHAHHAA! :)
I'm not marrying someone much older than me, but I thought I would share that my aunt and uncle (who have been married for 24 years now) are 18 years apart. I guess it caused a big stir with EVERYONE when it first happened, but nowadays no one thinks anything of it because it's so obviously they are head over heels for each other...even after 24 years!
@5292010: Awwww thats great!!, I guess 24 years from now we'll have to show them
My sister and her husband are 24 years apart (55 and 79. Some family members questioned their relationship and comments were made, but they are really happy and I think they are the perfect pair.
It's no one else's business. If your sweetie makes you happy and vice-versa, then all is good. We never know how long we have with our spouse, so each day is precious no matter what our age.
My FI is only a couple years older, so I cant empathize, but I have to say shame on people for judging! thats ridiculous! i feel like the older we get, the less and less it matters. now, if you were 17 dating someone 30 or older, that may be a bit odd, but when we're older, who cares!
I'm only 5 years younger than my FI, but like eeh2010 said I look alot younger ( I get carded even for R rated movies still..) .
A stand up comic made fun of us once talking about my FI going home to "do it" with his teenage girlfriend and my FI to this day is upset about it.
( the comic was alot more crude than my quote & I'm not a teenager lol)
People will nitpick everything, there will always be haters. And like clairdarling said the older you get the less it matters, If I was 16 and he was 21, thats alot different than 35 and 40.
My FH is 16 years older than I am - I'm 28 and he is 44. We've been together for almost 4 years now. I've never really noticed any weird glances or comments, except from some of his female (and in their 40's) co-workers, who have "joked" that I'm some part of a mid-life crisis.
My family, including mom and dad, think he and I are a perfect pair, and often say I'm lucky to have him! lol
Even though I look younger than I am (and he does too, I think) - I also am very self assured when we go out, which I think reflects too. I also have a professional career and had an independent life before him, so it's not like I was a kid who moved in with a grownup.
Ignore the haters, and just be happy! :)
I hear you on this post! My husband is 23 years older than me. I know my family was SHOCKED when they found out his TRUE age (I told them he was 30, rather than 45). When my family saw how much older he was than me, they were shocked and worried for me. Yes, we broke up for 2 days (but got back together). I was getting pushed by my mom too. It was after that, that my parents knew that I was serious about this guy. (I snuck out one afternoon just to see him and I was caught by my dad! ekkkk!) It all worked out in the end though!!! My family LOVES him now and he treats me like a princess! :)
I got questions all the time about "Why don't you find someone else closer in age to you?" "He will break your heart, fast." All kinds of stuff people in my town told me would happen. My employer even told me NOT to do it, it just wasn't worth it! OMG! Everyone was SOOOO wrong!
I like having an older husband. He's mature and I can rely on him for anything and everything. I know he's been where I am at some point, but he helps me through it.
Keep your head up! It will all work out. Don't let the comments get you down. If you seriously love him (seeing FI I know you do!) nobody can bring you down. Don't second guess yourself! You've made a good choice.
My fiance is 55 and I'm 29, so that is a 26 year difference! But we have rarely received any funny looks or negative comments from anyone. In fact, I can't remember anyone telling us we shouldn't be together, just some curious questions from aquaintences and co-workers about if we were planning on having children. (Yes, we are!) And our families have been very supportive, as much so as if we were marrying someone "our own age".
I am 25 and FI is 38 (39 in Oct) so it's about a 13.5 year difference for us.
His family is so happy for us, but my family has had a harder time understanding. Not only is he older, but I'm an East Coast girl, and he is a true-blue southern, raised in LA, country type of guy. We have the same values and morals, but the biggest differences are the ones that are most obvious: age, education (he went straight to work instead of going to college), demeanor, area-of-origin (he has a strong southern accent/speech, VERY different from me/my family).
He has been married before but is divorced and did not have any kids. He wants children SO BADLY and figured it just wasn't in the cards for him to be a dad, and he resolved himself to thinking that way... that is until he met me. :)
I've always wanted to be a mom, too, so we are definitely planning on having a family.
He just gets very concerned about his age and having kids that he (half-jokingly) makes comments about wanting to get me pregnant NOW saying "let's have a Little One! Pleeaasee??" and I'm constantly telling him "we will! Just not until after the wedding!" "Not until we get our house!" lol, which he is totally on board with, but he figures it never hurts for him to keep asking me because "I might surprise him one day and say let's do it!" Hahaha
Needless to say, we are very happy, balance each other out really well with our strengths/weaknesses, and are both on the same page (for the most part haha).
Mostly, people are fine with us as a couple except for the ones that just don't know him well yet, and unfortunately they judge him a little too harshly without knowing him well first.
Wow this was long..sorry! :)
I am so happy to see other bees with 20+ years between them and their FIs/husbands! My FI is 24 years older than me - I am 26 and he will turn 50 two days before we get married.
My parents were concerned at first, although they understand the age difference thing - Dad is 13 years older than Mom. Their biggest concern was that he has been married before and has children around my age. Honestly though, his kids are adults and have their own lives; I've never even met one of them (she's a story of her own).
But no one in my family ever really made comments. Of course they were concerned for my happiness and well-being, but they quickly saw that he treats me like a queen and that we're two peas in a pod, so to speak. Friends on the other hand... well, I've posted a time or two about one "friend" who had said to me that she finds a big age difference strange, but was happy for me, who then turned around and posted on MySpace (*rolls eyes* of course she did) that big age differences - "like when one person is old enough to be the other's parent" - are "disgusting" and "wrong" and a whole host of other adjectives, and judging anyone who partakes in such a relationship. (What I realize now is that she's just jealous and upset because I'm happy and she's single.)
I do notice, however, when we're out in public... no one has ever said so much, but I can tell by the way a waitress or salesperson treats me sometimes that they think I'm his daughter. That kind of irks me a little, but there's really nothing I can do about it.
@FutureMrsSpinewiz: I know exactly what you mean, I feel the same way you do about the whole thing, If you are with someone who is amazing and makes you feel like your a queen the age does not even matter . All I know is I found my lifelong partner, yes he's older but that the last thing thats crosses my mind when were together. it's sad how some people are especially when they think their opinion matters.
Thanks bee's
This post made me laugh. People are judgemental sometimes, but usually if they take time to get used to an idea, they can deal with it. My FI is six years older than myself. He is 29 and I am 23. We may not get as much guff as some people, but the main point is, it really depends on the people and not the age. Don't let anyone else tell you who you should love. Before I met FI, I dated a guy ten years older than me and I broke up with him fairly quickly after it became apparent that he was only dating me because he thought it was a fun novelty to be 30 and dating a 20-year-old. On the other hand, I have a friend the same age as myself and her boyfriend of a couple years is 15 years older than her, and they are incredibly in love and happy together. As long as you are both happy, then that is all that matters.
Whenever my FI jokes about me catching up to him in age, I lovingly remind him that no matter how old I am, I will still be younger than him :)
Im right there with you! my FI is 17 years older than me...and I couldn't be happier. Ive always dated guys my age, or even a couple years younger, and i always though they were great, but I had no idea how wonderful things could be until i met my FI. He treats me amazingly and appreciates me so much, just as I do him. He knows what he wants out of life and in a relationship...We couldn't be happier, and my parents have grown to love t=him! As long as you are happy that is all that matters!
I'm 15 years older than my wife. However, I would agree that it becomes less of an issue as you become older. When we met, she was 32 and I was 47. When we married, she was 41 and I was 56. It would have been a whole lot weirder if I had been 32 and she had been 17.
My fiance is 20 years older than me. I am 26 and he will be 46 at the end of the year. We have been together for six years and have a daughter together. My eldest daughter was three when we got together so he is also her Daddy. I guess no one really looked at us and thought it was weird because everyone thought he was between 25 and 30 and people say I have a higher maturity level than a normal 25 year old (who knows how true that is :)) Our entire relationship has been a very mature one, we have never split up, we have bought a house together, like I said, we have the kids together, so I think it was just meant to be.
Luckily, my Mom and I are very close and she just wants me to be happy. She is actually only 8 months older than him, but she never judged him on his age. What can I say, when it works, it works!
My SO is 8 years older than me (I am 23, he is 32, and we've been dating for 16 months), and it has never been a problem for us.
When I told my parents, my mother was initially shocked as she thought it was a big age gap. Then she got to meet him and she saw what an amazing guy he is, so she's never said a word about it since :)
None of our friends have ever said anything negative about it either, that I know of.
FI is 10 years older than me. I seriously forget that when I am with him. We have been together almost 3 years and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him.
We are both older and my parents never had a problem with it. I was 25 when we started dating and I will be almost 29 when we get married. He turns 39 on Friday :)
@baw561187: I'm in the exact same boat. I just remind myself that I love him sooooo much and wouldn't trade it for the world. I see a happy future together with him. I have no doubts. Afterall, it really should only matter to the two of you.
I'm so glad to hear there are so many other ladies out there who are in the same situation, and it is working out fine for them! My fiance is 14 years older than me. We met when I was 20 and he was 34 (but he looks much younger than his age, so I thought he was around 25 or 26!) Anyway, 2 years after we met, we got enganged. We are getting married this July-- I am 26 now and he is 39 (but turning 40 just a week after our wedding). My parents were concerned at first, and my friends thought it was strange. We are "emotionally" the same age, and get along really well. I think what is important is the stage in life that you are both at. If you are both wanting the same things, and one person doesn't feel like they are missing out on anything, then I think it's awesome. You fall in love with the person, and if they are the right partner for you, then it really doesn't matter about age, race, religion, culture, etc. etc. If you love each other, respect and understand each other, you will overcome any challenges or difficulties. Congrats!
Same for me! 13.5 year age difference. He's 38, I'm 25. We certainly don't notice the difference. As someone said earlier, we're the same "emotional maturity" age. I don't think most people really notice the age difference, with the exception of people at work. We met at work when I was a college intern. We didn't start dating until several years later, but (despite my success and maturity at work) some coworkers still think me as a young college student. My parents, too, were a little concerned about his age but once they met him they fell in love with him. He and my dad are BFFs now :-)
I can TOTALLY relate to "I feel that some people are constantly judging our relationship."
I'm young (21) and FH is 11 years older than me. But he's so young at heart and I consider myself mature (unfortunately I look a LOT older than I am). Everyone thinks we are the same age, so I just let them think that until the conversation comes up. As soon as I expose our age difference, it's a totally different story.
I love this part of the OP: are either single, or with men that I personally feel don't even compare to my fiance. Or just in an unhappy marriage, or just negative all around! My aunt, who is openly unsupportive of our wedding, was also the sister that scolded my mom for having a child without being married. When my mom announced she was pregnant with me, my mom's older sister was so happy for her and welcomed me with open arms, but my negative aunt said, "How are you going to afford this baby? You're not even done with school yet!" So while it hurts that my aunt doesn't take my marriage seriously, I have to remind myself that she is the negative one and herself did not marry until 41 as both of her sisters are divorced. She thinks things should always be done "the right way," in a "proper" order, later in life, etc. But in today's society, that is not the norm anymore... Which is fine! While there is plenty of divorces, there is also a lot of happy marriages of people that are young at same age, old and same age, divorced, with kids, without kids, or like us with a huge age gap =)
I am not in this boat, my fiance is about 1 year older than me. But I just wanted to chime in and say kudos for all of you women who followed your heart in the face of judgment. It has to have been difficult at some point to tell others how much older than you your husband or FH's are and what really matters is that you love each other. At some point in life age really is just a number! (besides we ALL know that men mature slower than women so it makes sense to me ;)) Anyway I'm just proud to be participating in a community of strong and wonderful ladies!
My fiance is 11 years older. Now that I know what being in a relationship with a mature adult is like I don't know what I was ever doing before. I realize that I have never really let anyone take care of me until he came along because he is the first person that I trust to take care of me. I hate the treatment we get from older women especially. Fiance is sort of a catch (a worldly, debonaire, and creative movie producer/screenplay writer). There is something about him that attracts a lot of attention but especially from older single women. Its frustrating enough to watch desperate women throwing themselves at him all the time but then when they see the ring they lash out at me like they can't believe that I am the person that took him off the market. No fair. I feel your pain.
@MsJ2theZ: Thank you for your kind words and not passing judgement on us! =) I know it was probably more directed toward the OP, but your comment really spoke to me too =)
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My fiance is 15 years older than me, and I feel that some people are constantly judging our relationship. My family love him and I am head over heals. We have been dating for three years and he is amazing, neither of us our concerned about the age thing, but sometimes people make me second guess myself with the faces they make. The funny thing is these same people are either single, or with men that I personally feel don't even compare to my fiance. Are there any other young brides who are marrying an older guy out there.
It should also be noted that I have never been attracted to anyone my age, I have always liked older guys.