- 4 months ago
I’m looking for advice/support. My older married sister has decided to continously cause problems and be unsupportive of myself, my relationship, and my wedding. Her behavior is not new, but somehow I have become the target of her unhappiness lately. We always had a close relationship. She is married with 2 small children and in fact, I was the only family member to go to the hospital when my niece and nephew were born. I have always been there when she needed me, and did so because I loved her and wanted to be there for her. My sister is a bit of a tyrant, explodes and has temper tantrums (even though she’s now 41) and as a result, my family’s philosophy is often “it’s easier to give her what she wants” than to stand up to her.
On the night I became engaged, she was drunk, distant, and I had the feeling she was upset with me, but I couldn’t undertsand why. I even asked my other sister who denied it. I thought nothing of it, until continously she has done mean and hurtful things. My fiance had health issues in December, almost died, and was in the hospital. My parents wanted to sit with me while he was in emergency surgery and my sister threw a temper tantrum about how they already purchased tickets to a movie the family (including my parents) were supposed to see. As a result, my parents did not come. When we went to look at bridesmaid’s dresses, she refusted to try on 75% of the dresses picked out and later told me I was a horrible sister and “how dare I” also include my 2 best friends in the day. (One of the consultants straight up told me to come back without my sister and just with people who actually support me). When my two sisters and mother came with me to look at wedding dressess, she was on the phone for 2.5 hours of the day. (The consultant asked if that was my future SIL because she was do disinterested.) When I try to talk to her about my wedding, she changes the subject or criticizes my choices. She also refused to come to my bachelorette. She yelled at my mother for including my future in-laws at the passover seder and demanded to always be asked who can and come not come to my MOTHER’s house for holidays (although I have never been asked if her in-laws can come and why would i? they are family in my eyes). She has justified her behavior as I am a “bad aunt” who does not see her children enough. I literally see them every other week, if not more, but she has decided that most of these events “don’t count” because other people are there. For example, I work out of town, so I took off Halloween so I could trick-or-treat with the children..but it “does not count” that I was there because my parents were also there.
I’m just so hurt. I keep telling myself to focus on my own joy and happiness but it hurts that my sister, who I love, is trying to make me so unhappy. I attempted to talk to her about it yesterday (which was not the first time I’ve reached out) and she continues to dismiss me and tell me she doesn’t want to talk about it. With each new “celebration” like shower, rehearsal, actual wedding, I am continously hurt and disappointed in her behavior.
My parent’s just want to me to “be okay” with her behavior and not be upset, because they feel they can tell me what i’m doing wrong rather than her because I dont throw temper tantrums nor do I have any grandchildren to use as blackmail like my sister does.
Has anyone else had to deal with this? If so, what got you through?