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My parents are from a different country where weddings are totally different. I am having more of an American wedding, so I have had to explain new customs such as bridesmaids, favors, etc to them.
I got my mom a few wedding planning/ etiquette books such as Mandy Weiss's or Guide for the Mother of the Bride and it's helped her understand more. Maybe this will help bridge the generational gap too? And it's not always you telling her things- the books state what is appropriate and current at weddings now
I just turned 25 and my dad will be 67 and my mom 68 when we get married, so I know what you mean about older parents. ^_^ (Side note--my mom graduated high school in 1960!). My sister and I are the product of a 2nd and 3rd marriage, so we were planned, it just was a rather late in life plan. ^_^ My mom had children in a previous marriage, and while they are obviously older than me (mid and late 30s), I'm the first to get married.
My mom had no idea what to expect and was pretty intimidated by how much things have changed since she got married, I think. It's helped that I give her wedding magazines (I get a lot for free at work, so I just take them home after we don't need them anymore) and time to flip through them at her own pace. My parents are chipping in to the budget and so am I, but my in-laws are paying for a good portion of it.
My overall policy is to make sure my mom feels included but not overwhelmed--I research all the options and only mention the top 3 finalists or so, and I introduce things slowly. I know that sounds kind of condescending, but it's the best method for both my mom and in-laws. I let them get used to the sound of an idea first and then I present pictures and logistics, and then start talking about making plans on how to implement it, and usually by then they've thought about it enough to be ok, or even enthusiastic, about it. ^_^
My older siblings aren't in the wedding party either, but my twin sis is, and thankfully it hasn't come up as an issue in my family, since my older sibs live on the West Coast. But I have gotten the push to wear a double layered cathedral veil so I can be dramatically unveiled at the ceremony. ^_^
I'm sure it's not just your mom and hopefully she'll start warming up to your ideas once she realizes that they're totally not crazy! ^_^
I was in the same boat. I was born when my mom was 41 and my dad was 43! PLus my mom is super judgemental. They hadn't attended a bridal shower since 1961, and the last wedding they went to was in 1987 (and had a "desert" theme). So not only had she never seen any of the current trends, she thought they were all terrible ideas. It was SO hard to deal with! So sorry you are going through this too!
FI parent is older. His mom was 35 when she had him and he will be 38 when we get married. My dad is older he will be 67 when we get married but I will be 35. So older is what is in my wedding.
Thanks so much ladies! I was beginning to think I was alone.
@ MsMarch & SpinningJenny - I'll def. look into those books & other mags. Thanks! Most of the research my mom has done basically says "Mom, it's your daughter's day, she's allowed to walk all over you & you still have to adore her" - *not* what I'm looking for.
@snmcdowell - you sure our mom's aren't friends? LOL My parents were the same exact age(s) when I was born & she's v. opinionated as well. She's been to weddings lately, she just doesn't necessarily approve or understand. How did you deal with it? Or did you just let it go?
Both parents are in their 70's (I'm 31). My mom thinks bridesmaid dresses should have cap sleeves & be powder blue, she suggested a Sunday brunch reception (when she knows how our family parties). I think a photo booth is cute but she thinks it's for carnivals. She says "This is going to be a very different wedding" - kinda like you'd explain away a sweet but wacky friend, "He's just… different". Funny thing is, our wedding is pretty cookie cutter.
The jordan almonds are my fave part. I know some people love them, but they just scream 1980's to me… I'm sure they'll be at my shower if she has any say. LOL
My parents aren't seniors yet (they're both 57) but I definitely know what you're saying about wedding traditions! They were the first of their friends married (1970) and everything was very by-the-book in regards to wedding etiquette. She is definitely resistant to change. My little sister (who is a bridesmaid) told my mom she didn't think they should have sandwiches at the shower, since I hate sandwiches. She said "But sandwiches is what you are SUPPOSED to have at a shower!". I told my sister that I really don't care, everyone else will eat the sandwiches and mom will be happy!
Just know when to compromise and when to say "This is what I want and today, it is ok to do this". That's what I do with my parents. It's definitely not just your mom!
LOL, YES! My mom kept saying, "Well, that's certainly different" too! I just tried to let it roll off my back and I let her think I was the party idea inventor of the century for coming up with so many "new" ideas, like a bird cage card box and pocketfold invitations (lol). She gave me a really hard time about it right up to the wedding, but as soon as she walked into the reception she loved how it turned out. She thinks I am a genious now, and I'm not going to argue with her :)
My sister was born 9 years after me. My mother calls her a 'miracle child,' but we all know that she was a complete mistake.^^
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Wondering if anyone here also has older parents? I was what you might call a mistake? Happy accident? I think the proper term is "Change of life baby" - whatever.
A little background: My parents were married in 1960. Yep. 1960. They were in their early 20's and before their 3rd Anniv. already had 2 children (bro #3 came later). My brothers were all in HS when I was born. I'm also the only girl in my whole generation - 3 bros, no sisters & 8 cousins all dudes. And while there's been plenty of weddings, since it's traditional that the bride's family be more involved, no one in my family has ever really had to do more than a rehearsal dinner & show up day of the wedding.
While they've offered to help us out in some areas, my parents are not paying for the wedding. I want my mother to be part of the planning but I'm finding it hard because she's as old fashioned as it gets and kind of out of the modern day wedding loop:
I should add Dad's super laid back, so this is more my mom. They're married 50yrs, cute as anything together and I love them. I've been patient but it's driving me nuts. Am I crazy? Is this all moms & I'm just overreacting?
** Note: My brothers aren't in my WP, but their children are. Why you ask? Because my nieces will be 23 by the time my wedding rolls around & we're closer in age and closer in general. I will definitely have important rolls for my brothers - readings in church, bringing the gifts to the alter, etc. so it's not like they're left out.