Post # 1
My sister is 32 and has been dating her bf for about 2 years. I’m 29 and my bf have been dating for a little over a year, but he’s bought a ring (it’s being made now) and I expect the proposal will be in the next month or two. I told her a few weeks ago we went ring shopping and she seemed genuinely excited for me.
But today she was such a brat!! Maybe because it’s Thanksgiving and we were surrounded by our married cousins with kids and she was feeling pressure or something, but she actually said she was jealous that I might get engaged before her. She said it was unfair because my bf and I haven’t been dating that long. She told me that she told her bf he had to propose because I was getting engaged soon. I mean, really, she needs to chill out!
She’s also worried that we might end up getting married in the same year and that because her wedding will likely be in Pittsburgh and mine in DC, “people won’t travel to both of our weddings” and “we won’t get as many gifts.”
I love my sister and I can understand wny she might get worked up about this, but really WHO CARES about the timing. We are both with great guys who love us to pieces and we’re so lucky. But UGH SERIOUSLY RELAX. Ok Rant over.
Post # 3
@HoyaTerpDC: HELLO FELLOW WAITING BEE!
I’m sorry that you are dealing with this.
…as sisters, I would *think* that you could both just be happy for each other. I don’t have a sister….BUT I do know what it’s like to have my younger brother propose marriage to his GF and as an older sister…it DOES kind of suck
….know what’s even harder? THE HOLIDAYS just as you said, being around family and the holidays, can just be a reminder of what you don’t have and the pressure is ON.
With that said, I’m happy that you are about to be engaged! This is a very exciting time in your life. It’s exciting that you and your SO are ring shopping!!! Do you have your ring picked out? Do you know when it’s going to happen? Let’s focus on the positives here!!
Congrats and Happy Thanksgiving!
Post # 4
@HoyaTerpDC: that really sucks. I do kinda get where you sisters emotions are coming from, but it’s unfortunate that she’s feeling this way.
I hope that when the time comes for both of you, you can work it out so you can both enjoy your weddings even if they are close together.
Post # 5
I don’t have a sister so I don’t know how I would feel about this. It’s shameful to say, but honestly, if I were the older sister and had been with my boyfriend for twice as long, I would probably be disappointed too, but more so with my boyfriend than jealous of my sister, haha. If she brings it up again, maybe you can just say what you stated in your post – that you’re both with great guys, and are very lucky! Anyway, congrats on the impending proposal, that’s very exciting!
Post # 6
@HoyaTerpDC: I’m glad you’re being mature about this.
Can I say one thing though: siblings’ weddings too close together can be an issue. Not for vain reasons like the bride’s “special time”, but for the practical reason that relatives need to find the time to travel to two weddings. You may may need to have a discussion, and every family is different, but my personal opinion is siblings’ wedding should be 2-3 months apart at least. Hopefully it will work out!
Post # 7
@veryberry13: Aw thank you and hello back!! I’m super excited. I think it will happen around Christmas or New Year’s and the ring will look similar to this one. I guess my bf and I have moved a little faster than some couples, but when you know, you know! How long have you been waiting?
@memo: Me too, I hope we can figure this out and keep cool heads! I honestly never thought we’d be in this situation, but here we are.
@GracieGirl11: Thank you! And that’s what I said! I was like, this is an issue with your boyfriend, not with me!
@paula1248: I agree, I wouldn’t want them to be within 2-3 months either. Mostly because of the travel aspect, but also I wouldn’t want to feel like we’re “competing” with each other to have the better wedding (we’ve were super competitive growing up!). Also, I think it would stress our my mom! If it comes down to me having to compromise a little on choosing the perfect date to prevent family drama, then I would do it.
Post # 8
@HoyaTerpDC: I’m the older sister. My sister (2 years younger) and I had a long running joke that she could have babies first, she just wasn’t allowed to be engaged first – we had both started dating our respecive FI’s within a couple months of each other – me first by about 3 months. Well, Valentines day 2012, when she’s about 4 months pregnant, her BF proposed. She sent me a text the next morning saying she had to tell me something – I knew right away. She told me via text, she was afraid I’d be angry. They had realized that with the baby coming they wanted to be engaged.
I’ll admit, I was upset. I cried – not to her. I tried not to. MY FI asked me what was wrong and I told him, and he laughed at me, and told me ‘you know i’m going to marry you right? I promise I’m going to marry you’. I was genuinely happy for my sister (as much as I dislike her FH), but I felt terrible that she was afraid to tell me, and yes, i was a little upset that my little sister got hers first. I didn’t get my proposal until 13 months later. We will be getting married first – sister is in no rush.
I guess the point of my story is that you sister probably is a little jealous, and I can understand where she’s coming from. But she will be genuinely happy for you as well. I woudl try and avoid planning 2 semi-DW’s in the same year if you’re concerned about people travelling, but people have a way of making it happen when it’s something important.
Post # 9
Aww, tread lightly and politely. I just went through my little sister’s wedding. I’m in my mid 30’s. She early 30’s. I was happy for her, but knew what lied a head of me. Jokes were made from “does it bother you that SHE got married first?” To “is your SO ever going to commit?” To “will you actually be able to have kids?” It was Awful, but did my best to celebrate my sister and her new husband. so I guess my advice is be happy about your relationship, but know she’s scared of how others might perceive her.
Post # 10
Thank you both for sharing your perspectives as the older sibling. It sounds like you’re both handling it really well! I know it might be a little rough for her and I don’t want to make her feel bad about anything going forward.
I think what might be upsetting her is that since our ENTIRE extended family lives in Maryland it won’t be an issue for them to come to my wedding in DC. But since she’s out of state, I think she’s worried people won’t travel when the time comes (we have several pregnant cousins at the moment so there will be little kids to think about).