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I aimed to be right in the middle. I'm 26, 27 when baby arrives. If I was younger, I wouldn't have had time to get settled in my job, and would have been too immature to be a good mother. Even two years ago, my priorities were very different from right now. I also have more savings as well as better time and money management skills. To me, I didn't want to be older than my early 30's when I finished having kids. I wanted to be a younger parent, still active and (hopefully) healthy to really participate and engage with my kids through high school. Plus, I've had baby fever since I was about 14, so I always knew I didn't want to wait to long. I like traveling, but it's not a huge priority for me to travel internationally, and most domestic trips can be done more cheaply and as a family, so that wasn't a reason for me to wait. Also, both DH and I are set in our jobs, and don't need to climb the ladder before feeling like we'd be able to have kids. I like that we waited until we were in a house, but wouldn't have found that a necessity for having kids either.
My parents were teenagers, so I'm very biased. Personally, I think that someone can be too young to become a parent and there is a lot of negative things which happen to the child. I'm not saying that 40-something parents are necessarily the best idea, but I can say this: I hate teen pregnancy. It's bad for the parents and children.
P.S. We'll be in our 30s when we have a kid.
I am not a mother but have had this conversation with my own mother.
My mom got married at 20 and had two kids by the age of 24. The benefits were that she was young and active and able to keep up with the kids. Right now she is 48 and has an empty house. Her and my father are still young enough to travel and enjoy life before they get too old. She is also going to be able to be around for her grandchildren and greatgranchildren and really enjoy seing them grow.
The downside was obviously the money. They struggled a lot in the beginning and we had Charlie Brown X-mas trees growing up and didn't take many vacations as a young kid. My mother finished law school when I went to school so obviously it was a lot harder for her to go to school full time while raising children.
I on the other hand am 24 and would like to wait another 3yrs before we start trying. I want to have some time with my husband and also I want to focus on building our careers. I would like to have a little bit of a nest egg so I can be a stay at home mom but also have enough work experience so I can re-enter the work force when my children go to school. My husband is also building his own business and we decided that right now is the best time since we don't have anyone to support.
My mom was 38 when she had me, which isn't that old today but was a bit of a big deal at the time. My mom generally had enough energy to keep up with me, but now that she's nearly 65 she's starting to feel her age. While I know my mom doesn't regret any of her decisions, I would rather have kids a bit younger so that I can enjoy my retirement years. Ideally we'd like to start having kids when I'm 29/30 and finish when I'm 34/35.
My mom was like roxy821. Except she had 3 kids by 24. I'm 24 now and can't imagine! But my dad made good money and worked nights and my mom didn't work so it was great b/c I had both parents for my entire childhood and we got to do all sorts of things together. Now that all 3 kids are out of the house my mom and dad have plans to move into a smaller home and travel. My aunt had a baby at 37 and another at 39, she was NOT ready to be a mom. I know personally I could not have a kid right now, so I think regardless of being a young or older mom, age (as in the actual number) doesn't matter its if the parents are ready or not!
My mom had me when she was 19... I think it was hard to be the brunt of the learning curve but it all worked out ok. On the other end of the spectrum, I had Cecilia at 38. I think having a baby older makes for a more steady (but more tired!) mamma.
Honestly, I think it depends on the individuals involved, but as a rough rule, I'd prefer not to be a teen and I'd prefer not to be over 42. Anywhere in between would have been fine with me.
My Mom had 2 kids by the time she graduated college at 22 and had 4 kids before she turned 30. Her and my Dad always say that they liked having kids young because they could keep up with us. It was definitely a struggle financially while they were both in school but I think they were definitely a success story: they both finished college, overcame financial difficulty after my Dad had been working for a few years, were able to raise 4 kids, pay for our college educations, and in the last 5 years my Dad was able to quit his job and start his own company with my Mom. I'm 21 and I would like to have a baby within 3 years. My parents had some difficulties but they did a great job and they'll be young and energetic when they are grandparents!
IMO, younger mothers have more energy to keep up with young children. Older mothers seem to take things more in stride and seem more relaxed. I think there is much more of a difference with fathers. Older fathers seem much more into parenthood.
IMO younger mother get to grow with their children and be a part or understanding to popular trends such as electronics PS3 etc. A younger parent will be viewed as more cool once the child hits teen years.
My mom got married at 20 and had me at 22. She gave me the same advice all my life "Wait do get married. Wait even longer to have kids." I think she felt she missed out on a higher education and a career because of her choices. She also always said because they were just starting their lives and had no money, my childhood was very rough for them financially.
I'm 35 now and thinking about in a kid in the next 2-3 years. I finally feel mature enough, and have the financial means, but I'm seriously lacking on the energy dept. Sometimes I feel like I aged 30 years in the last 10. The biggest energy drainers are working full-time and commuting, but all I want to do when I get home is laze on the couch or sleep. My old partying self seems like another life!
I do not have kids yet, and honestly have no idea how I could do it! I have a hard time as it is keeping my life in order with a full-time job and going to school. My best friend is in nursing school, and is married with two kids at 23. God Bless her, that woman is a superwoman, but I can see that she is tired all the time. She always tells me...JUST WAIT TO HAVE KIDS, live a little first! I can't wait to start a family, but I will head her advice and make sure I am at a financially stable part in my life first.
My mom had me in her very early 20's and counseled me to wait because she had a tough time...but I really didn't have any nurturing, maternal desire until quite recently (late 30's). So I think being 'ready' and with someone who also is on the same page is the best. It happens to people at different times, doesn't it? I wouldn't do it any differently personally but I completely see how it works for other people at different ages. I have planned to retire in mid or late 50's so I think that will give me a few years to travel (while my child's at college and beyond) and enjoy, even though I'm a 'late' bloomer. :) I would love to take trips with my young adult 'child' also, as my mom did with me.The difference is my mom was able to do it as part of her job and I would do it as a new retiree.
I can give you viewpoints on both sides.
My parents were 21 and 23 when I was born. They were working hard to provide for me, and because of that, they really didn't have a lot of time to spend with me. I didn't go on vacations or join every club imaginable. But, the time I did spend with my parents was energetic and creative.
My parents were 34 and 36 when my sister was born (and there is only one kid in between us). My sister gets to do a lot more with my parents, but they're more likely to be on the sidelines. Whereas my dad was my soccer coach, he can't run around with my sister anymore. He'll be 55 when my sister graduates high school. My sister has to rely on her friends and their parents more for "high energy" activities, because my parents just can't do it anymore. Also, my mom had a LOT of problems with her pregnancy with my sister (including morning sickness, blood clots, and vericous veins), whereas she didn't even know she was pregnant with me until 3 months (she had irregular periods).
Both of us have grown up/are growing up in good ways, but they're very different. There's a huge difference between younger and older parents, but they're not necessarily bad. Younger parents tend to be closer and more in tune with their kids, but more fumbling and often on a lower budget. Older parents can provide more for their kids financially, but generally know their kids a bit less. Both are perfectly acceptable ways to raise kids though. I think it's really about when the mother feels ready and comfortable to have kids - because that ultimately determines the kind of parenting a child will receive.
I'm about to turn 30. I'll be an "older" mom I guess (hopefully 31-32 for the first kid).
Financially, it's a totally different picture now vs. when I was mid twenties. I think we literally make almost twice as much now as we did then. So, now I can actually afford a baby (kind of). We live in an expensive part of the northeast so it's quite expensive for daycare which we will be needing.
Also nice is that I'm finally at a place in my career where I've "earned" some level of flexibility with regard to leaving on time to pick up the baby from daycare, or working from home as needed, etc. They don't really give that to junior staffers with a couple years experience.
I am turning 23 this month and I have a two year old daughter.
What are the downsides to being a young mama?
- my friends were/are all still in their college/partying days and I missed out on a couple years of them since I was pregnant (partying is no longer a priority of mine so having my daughter made me grow up and become responsible which would be an upside!). While my friends are all still going out and getting drunk weekend after weekend, Im at home so I dont have as much in common with them as I used too.
- it would be extremely hard to balance being a student (college or high school) as a parent.
- i dont have a career right now. Im just about to start a new job in the journalism field on Monday. It's going to be full time so it's going to be really hard to be away from my daugher for 8hrs a day Mon - Fri but the extra $$ will be so nice!
What are the upsides to being a young parent?
- I am able to keep up to her (most days...lol)
- She is the light of my life (again, most days :P ) and having her has given my life meaning <3
- Im much more mature and responsible than I used to be.
- I will be "in" on the trendy things as she grows up so I feel like I wont be as in the dark about some things like my parents were (i.e., when we first got a computer when I was in gr 4 I used to go onto online chatrooms and I couldve totally gotten stalked/murdered by creeps online because I wasnt careful. I will know better than to let my child be alone with sometihng as vast/dangerous as the internet)
I was 21 when I had my son. It was hard, but I made it through college, worked really hard and all without having to rely on anyone or system to get me through it. One of the benefits of being a younger parent is that my son will be off and on his own in the Army next year (Right before my 40th). And when the time comes, I will be a young enough grandmother (OMG) to really enjoy it. I missed alot of the normalities of life, but I also learned that there is no adversity that I cannot overcome, I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was.
Thanks so much for you're help!:)
I completely agree with all points shared, hence why I was having a hard time trying to narrow it down, but thanks to you bees i finally have some solid material to answer on!
Thanks so much again!!!
Thanks so much for you're help!:)
I completely agree with all points shared, hence why I was having a hard time trying to narrow it down, but thanks to you bees i finally have some solid material to answer on!
Thanks so much again!!!
I'm surprised by all the people mentioning difficulty "keeping up" with kids for an older mom. I suppose it depends upon your definition on "older", but I'm currently in my 30s, run 3-5 mi every day, walk EVERYWHERE (required living where we do) and have plenty of enegry. Unless its going to go off like a light switch, I don't really see keeping up with my future children being a problem. To be honest, the only place I feel I show my age is drinking! Hangovers last a few days now lol!! I probably would have preferred to start a family around 28, but mainly because I've looked forward to that chapter my whole life. Unfortunately I didn't meet DH till I was 28!
One thing I think IS worth considering if you opt to be an older mother is the role GRANDPARENTS will play. My dad is just shy of 70. He still runs around with my nephew (I guess good energy runs in the family!) but he's definitely slowing down. I hate to even THINK about it, but I worry & get upset when I think about what time my kids will have with their grandparents. My dad was the youngest child in his family, and his parents died (in their 90s!) when I was 2 & 4. My younger siblings never met them. I've always regretted missing out on those relationships, and absolutely treasure the time I have had with my mom's parents. That grandma was the absolute LIFE of the party at my wedding. Mid-80s and still cutting a rug - she definitely out-danced me, and at this rate she'll probably outlive me too!!
I was born and raised in california, where people tend to marry later and have children later. My mom had me at 27, which is still relatively young. however, a lot of my friends' moms had them in their very early 20's. i was shocked this was so prevalent! Yup, i was sheltered. As a downside, most of them never finished college. When i transferred to a midwest high school (a very small, middle of nowhere one), the teen pregnancy rate was high, and now i see where most of their lives on (thanks facebook) and 90% of them haven't done much and it really saddens me! It's not a life I would want. There are always exceptions (like some of the previous posters, which i just LOVE to see!) but it always scared the hell out of me enough to be extra diligent about my birth control and who i slept with =].A lot of them cannot support yourself, and taht's important for me
As such, i'm shooting to be 26/27, considering i have endometriosis, it's not a bad age for us. I'm 24 and I only have one surviving grandparent, and she is 80...DH's grandparents are almost 80 and they are still doing well and playing with their grandkids and everything. My mom is 52 and my dad is 59 so I want them to see my kids grow up as much as possible! My mom was 27 when she had me, and she was still a "cool" mom, so I'm not concerned about being a fuddy duddy. I'd say 25-35 is my comfy range, considering what health issues i have, and factoring in troubles getting pregnant.
I do believe that if you take care of yourself properly, you'll have lots of energy in your 30's, 40's, and beyond! I know lots of tired people in their 20's...and i think it's b/c they dont' take care of themselves very well. Cough, my husband-the-couch-potato, cough. lol
My mom was 16 when she had my sister, and then 22 when she had me, and 26 and 27 when she had my brothers. I'm 32 and about to have my first. I think that it's sort of like everyone said - generally younger mom's have more energy and older moms would have more stability and money.
That said, I run marathons and have way more energy than I ever remeber my mom having, and I know some 22 year olds who are way together and stable. I think the biggest deal would be if you were a young mom you'd be more likely to be a young grandma, and that could be fun. Plus you'd have your kids out of the house when you were still pretty young, so maybe you'd be more able to travel and stuff later? But I do think I wasn't financially or emotionally responsible enough to care for someone else until I was in my 30s.
I'll be 38 (GASP!) in early October. Getting married by the end of October and I do want to have a child. But i do have to say that I have concerns not only with conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy but I'm exhausted now trying to keep up with my life, our two dogs, FI and everything else life throws at me. I don't know how I'm going to keep up with a baby/toddler/kid/teen. Not to mention I do have a few medical issues which fatigue me on a regular basis.
I do feel there are pros and cons to having a child earlier and later. You just need to do what's right for you.
I'm not a mom yet so I can't really give advice on that front but I can from a child's perspective.
My parents were in their late 20s when they had my sisters and me. They did not have their stuff together at all. My dad eventually got his stuff together but my mother walked out on us. My dad has serious issues that often lead to abuse. I think age shouldn't be a factor at all (unless it's unlawful--under 18 by an adult). What I've learned is that maturation and self control are bigger indicators of good parenting. If you can be completely selfless and put aside your wants and focus on the needs of the child, then you can be a good parent. I agree that stability is important but I know a lot of "older" parents who still are very selfish and aren't willing to give up their lifestyle which is their choice. It's easier to see that with people in their early 20s who party and are still in some way reliant on their parents but it's more difficult to see it with adults who "appear" to have it all (who demand to have childcare, who demand to have a huge van/suv, who demand to have a certain stroller, crib, etc). I did not enjoy my childhood and I'd never wish a person's existence in such a traumatic, damaging household. I think that for my FI and I, we will wait until we've paid back our student loans so I can put the money that I would be paying a month to those loans into a future college account for my children. There are benefits from each side, I think it's really up to each individual/couple as to how well they will parent. I know I'm in the minority on this.
I can't really say much about this because I think in each case it is different. Some women are ready to have children at 22 and others not until 40! Everybody is different. I'm 33 and definately ready at this point. We're financially secure and my clock is starting to tick!
My mom was 30 when she had my oldest sister, and 40 when she had my youngest, and even now at the age of 63 she is one of the most energetic people I know. My parents always told me to wait to have children; I think that comes from the fact that they weren't ready to kids before 30. However, the drawbacks I see are that my mom never recovered 100% physically from her pregnancies, especially her pregnancy with my youngest sister. Also, we never really got a lot of time with my grandparents. They were always too old/too sick to do anything other than sit at home when we visited. And at the ripe old age of 23, I had no grandparents left; all of them had passed away.
On the other hand, I was 25 when my daughter was born, which I consider pretty young. I feel like we're financially and emotionally ready for a family, but if we had waited a couple more years, we would have been even more prepared. I think, if we had waited, I would have been able to be a stay at home mom for a while; I really wish I could do that, but it's just not possible for us at this point. That's really the only drawback I see for us having a baby so early.
I'll be 25 when I get married and hope to have a child right away so 26 and my FI will be 28/29. My mom was 25 when she had me and will be 50 this year so I think that's a great time to have a child. My grandmother was 78 when she passed away and I was only 10 so I really want my children to have a grandparent around for at least their wedding.
But - I think that everyone should at least be financially/emotionally ready to have a child, no matter what age you are. If you're 20 awesome, if it's not till your 30s, awesome too. When I was dating my ex (from the ages 15-19 years old) we wanted to have a kid. WTF was I thinking?!!!!! Not only were we always broke, but he was a drug dealer, we never had money (he spent it all on drugs and smokes *idiot I know*) and he was abusive in all ways. I'm so glad someone above was looking out for me because we were actually trying.
Anyway, I just think there is no set time to have a child, it's just when you're ready, no matter the age.
@Popples: The reason I mentioned 'older' moms having a hard time keepign up is because my Mom was 31 when she had me. She never owned a bike so when I wanted to go for bike rides, I joined in with the family next door. She never did any type of physical activity with me and, as such, I was an overweight kid. But, honestly, that might not have anything to do with her age. She never really did ANYTHING with me (including playing games inside with me). She was a terrible mother in tht way.
My mom got married at 19, had my brother when she was 29, and she had me when she was 35! Very rare for that era, especially since she got married so young. But her and my dad were working on various Masters and PhD degrees, so they waited. That has served my role model, and was a big part of why I didn´t want to have kids until I was older.
But, I don´t want to be TOO old, either. I have had baby fever since I was 12 and am dying to have kids. I am 27 now, and we probably won´t get married until I´m 28-29, so the earliest we will probably have our first is 29-30. Although I would have loved to fulfill my baby fever earlier, and wonder if waiting til I´m almost 30 will mean I can have less kids than I want or will have to space them closer together than I want, I think it will be for the better.
I am glad I didn´t have kids young, because I have been able to get a good education, establish a solid career and financial base, travel a lot, and just generally enjoy this stage of my life to its fullest by sleeping in late, going out with friends, and just generally only caring about myself and spending money on myself! I know that all changes forever (or at least for 20 some years) when you have a kid. A lot of people I went to high school with (small town) had kids really young bc they never left the small town and did not have many other opportunities. It is crazy for me to get on FB and see peers who have kids who are 6 or 7 years old now. I cannot imagine having a first grader!
I want to enjoy mommyhood to its maximum and I feel like being an older mom will allow me to do so. Financially, take time off work if I want, do more things with my kids like travel with them and take them places etc....My parents never struggled or fought about money. We were solidly middle class, not rich, but I was always able to have everything I needed and most of the things I wanted. I hope to be able to give my kids the best life possible and I feel like for me personally I will be able to do that when I am older as opposed to younger.
Seconding pretty well everything here, esp the priority difference between myself & young friends as well as balancing college & parenting.
I definitely feel like I am better able to parent as a young mom simply for the energy factor etc.
However, my partner & I have always been in a fairly stable financial position (home owners @ 22&24, each with a diverse stock portfolios etc etc). So we may not be the norm for young parents (I was just shy of 19 when I had my son & my partner was 21).
I am not even going to mention the energy thing since I think it so depends on fitness rather than nature. I was a teen mom and have to say had NO maternal feelings. Yes I loved them and cared for them but I didnt cry when I first laid eyes on them or any of those things. I am 35 now with two boys in high school and just now am having STRONG maternal feelings. I would love to have 4 more kids when at 19 wanted none. All of my girlfriends had children as teen and have shared the same feelings. I dont know if all women are like this but I think the right age is when you have that crazy maternal feeling.
I don't have kids yet either. We are due to marry in Summer 2011. And hopefully after that we will try. I will be just a couple months shy of 30 at that time. And I definitely do not want to wait longer than 35 to have my first. I am hoping we are blessed with 3 and I would like it all done in my 30s. (2-3 years apart.)
I have a lot of energy now than I actually did in my early 20s. (My healthy eating lifestyle has a lot to with that). My lifestyle in general is definitely more stable now financially and emotionally. I feel like I am much wiser now. My SIL had them in her early 20s and she was and is a lazy mom. She is always 'too tired' and has 'no time' for her kids ever! I do feel that age is not so much dictating your energy level as much as a healthy lifestyle and the WILL to get up and get out there with your kids! (In my case, also helps to look years younger than you are. )
My mum had me when she was 30 and my brother at 37. (Unfortunately she miscarried at 35). And she was the most active mom on the streets! Other children's moms wouldn't come out and play with them or spend any time with them. My mom went above and beyond with us. And her energy level is still at an all time high! She took care of herself and us. She was financially sound and so was my dad so they had time to actually spend with us rather than working odd hours to support us. We did not get the latest toys even though my parents could afford it but the time spent with them was MOST VALUABLE. I don't think they would have been able to do that for us if they were just struggling to make ends meet, trying to establish careers, etc.
Great post! Good luck in your classes!
I don't want kids and I'm 36 now, but I laughed too when I saw people mention that older moms (30's I'm assuming) would have a harder time keeping up. I can outrun, outwalk and outplay all of my nieces and nephews but I take care of myself and have good energy. I guess it depends on that, then. But our parents at 30 are pretty different than this generation at 30, you know? That could be an interesting angle for your paper.
Whereas my parents were married at 18 and 19, had all four of us by 26 and were not as active around 36 this generation is vastly more active. When they say that 30 is the new 20 it's so true. We're on facebook, have Ipads, Iphones, use all the technology, play Halo and Rockband on our Xboxes, play with our Wii - all that stuff. So there isn't that technological disconnect these days with people in their 30's and 40's as there was back when I was a kid. As a matter of fact, my 13 year old niece is not allowed to have a Facebook account and the other day I saw her on it as a suggested friend and let me sis know. My niece said she can't get away with anything because her aunts and uncles are all online, lol
Most of my friends are in the 24 - 40 year old range and just played flag football on Sunday and there wasn't much of a difference between the ages on energy and ability. So I'm not sure the less or more energy argument is valid anymore. However, I'm on the Northeast Coast, near NYC so maybe there is a statistic that people take better care of themselves here? Not sure.
My mother had me and my two older sisters when she was in her 20s. She was laid back and had lots of energy. YEARS later (when she was 42) she remarried and had a daughter. She didn't have the same energy and it was difficult for her (but I think part of that is she felt she had all ready raised kids and wanted some "time off"). But in general, I think being young can be a benefit because you tend to have increased energy. This is a specific case, but she also was not as laid back and had less patience.
Being older, however, you would have more financial stability (most likely). Also, I felt my mother "blamed" us for her not finishing college and things like that. (Which is ridiculous-) But it would be nice to be older and more settled in who you are and more stable, having done more with your life by the time you have children.
I also have family members that "waited too long" to have children, (don't get me wrong- my mother had a child at 42)- but some aunts/ uncles waited too long and ended up having to adopt. (I am pro-adoption by the way, I think it is a wonderful thing if you can afford it.)
I am 27 and am just getting the biological urge (I say that because it still isn't the "right" time for us financially- so this urge isn't really rational) to have children. I was also raised not to have children until marriage, and we just got married this summer- so that probably plays a role. But I have never felt this baby-biology before.
I'm 33 and expecting my first. I'm full of enegery-probably more than when I was in my twenties just because I eat better and live a more normal life. (As opposed to waitressing until 2AM, going to school,and going to parties) This is the perfect age for me to have a baby. I was way to immature and selfish in my twenties.
I'm 29 and expecting my first in April. I think the only reason I might have wished we'd started sooner was that we used to live very close to my extended family (including my unemployed and somewhat bored mother, who totally would have taken care of the baby), but honestly we're in such a better place now with good, stable jobs and a house and having put in enough time at our jobs that we can comfortably take some time off from them. My husband probably would have been ready years ago (he's always liked kids), but the few years that I spent abroad after undergrad and the travel I did during and after grad school are a huge part of who I am and I wouldn't have traded those opportunities for the world. I'm still a little sad that having a kid means that a job with, say, 30% international travel is definitely off the table, at least for a long while, but at least I got the chance to get some of that out of my system in my early 20s.
In our social circle(s) we're neither among the first nor among the last to have kids, so that's also really nice- I didn't feel left out NOT having kids for the past few years, but I also have plenty of friends now who have young kids, are pregnant, or plan to start trying soon, which is great.
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Hey Bees!:)
So I've finally bit the bullet and I've enrolled in a childcare course:)
Not being a mother myself I thought the best place to ask for opinions would be you guys
So my first assignment is on younger and older mothers! Being a younger or older mother can you see any benifits? Would you have done things differently given the choice?
I hope this doesnt start any argument on which is better, because both are great in my opinion, I just need to be objective in the assignment! Anything you think would help is greatly appreciated, or links for articles would be great too, Im not coming up with a whole lot of info so far, bar my own opinion on the positive of both, hence why i need your help:) im rambling, il stop now
thanks in advance!