(Closed) older Vs younger mothers

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I aimed to be right in the middle. I’m 26, 27 when baby arrives. If I was younger, I wouldn’t have had time to get settled in my job, and would have been too immature to be a good mother. Even two years ago, my priorities were very different from right now. I also have more savings as well as better time and money management skills. To me, I didn’t want to be older than my early 30’s when I finished having kids. I wanted to be a younger parent, still active and (hopefully) healthy to really participate and engage with my kids through high school. Plus, I’ve had baby fever since I was about 14, so I always knew I didn’t want to wait to long. I like traveling, but it’s not a huge priority for me to travel internationally, and most domestic trips can be done more cheaply and as a family, so that wasn’t a reason for me to wait. Also, both DH and I are set in our jobs, and don’t need to climb the ladder before feeling like we’d be able to have kids. I like that we waited until we were in a house, but wouldn’t have found that a necessity for having kids either.

Post # 4
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

What do you mean by “older” mothers? 30s? 40s? 50s?

Post # 5
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My parents were teenagers, so I’m very biased. Personally, I think that someone can be too young to become a parent and there is a lot of negative things which happen to the child. I’m not saying that 40-something parents are necessarily the best idea, but I can say this: I hate teen pregnancy. It’s bad for the parents and children.

P.S. We’ll be in our 30s when we have a kid.

Post # 6
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am not a mother but have had this conversation with my own mother.

My mom got married at 20 and had two kids by the age of 24. The benefits were that she was young and active and able to keep up with the kids. Right now she is 48 and has an empty house. Her and my father are still young enough to travel and enjoy life before they get too old. She is also going to be able to be around for her grandchildren and greatgranchildren and really enjoy seing them grow.

The downside was obviously the money. They struggled a lot in the beginning and we had Charlie Brown X-mas trees growing up and didn’t take many vacations as a young kid. My mother finished law school when I went to school so obviously it was a lot harder for her to go to school full time while raising children.

I on the other hand am 24 and would like to wait another 3yrs before we start trying. I want to have some time with my husband and also I want to focus on building our careers. I would like to have a little bit of a nest egg so I can be a stay at home mom but also have enough work experience so I can re-enter the work force when my children go to school. My husband is also building his own business and we decided that right now is the best time since we don’t have anyone to support.

Post # 7
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

My mom was 38 when she had me, which isn’t that old today but was a bit of a big deal at the time. My mom generally had enough energy to keep up with me, but now that she’s nearly 65 she’s starting to feel her age. While I know my mom doesn’t regret any of her decisions, I would rather have kids a bit younger so that I can enjoy my retirement years. Ideally we’d like to start having kids when I’m 29/30 and finish when I’m 34/35.

Post # 8
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My mom was like roxy821. Except she had 3 kids by 24. I’m 24 now and can’t imagine! But my dad made good money and worked nights and my mom didn’t work so it was great b/c I had both parents for my entire childhood and we got to do all sorts of things together. Now that all 3 kids are out of the house my mom and dad have plans to move into a smaller home and travel. My aunt had a baby at 37 and another at 39, she was NOT ready to be a mom. I know personally I could not have a kid right now, so I think regardless of being a young or older mom, age (as in the actual number) doesn’t matter its if the parents are ready or not!

Post # 9
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

My mom had me when she was 19…  I think it was hard to be the brunt of the learning curve but it all worked out ok.  On the other end of the spectrum, I had Cecilia at 38.  I think having a baby older makes for a more steady (but more tired!) mamma.

Honestly, I think it depends on the individuals involved, but as a rough rule, I’d prefer not to be a teen and I’d prefer not to be over 42.  Anywhere in between would have been fine with me.

Post # 10
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My Mom had 2 kids by the time she graduated college at 22 and had 4 kids before she turned 30. Her and my Dad always say that they liked having kids young because they could keep up with us. It was definitely a struggle financially while they were both in school but I think they were definitely a success story: they both finished college, overcame financial difficulty after my Dad had been working for a few years, were able to raise 4 kids, pay for our college educations, and in the last 5 years my Dad was able to quit his job and start his own company with my Mom. I’m 21 and I would like to have a baby within 3 years. My parents had some difficulties but they did a great job and they’ll be young and energetic when they are grandparents!

Post # 11
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

IMO, younger mothers have more energy to keep up with young children. Older mothers seem to take things more in stride and seem more relaxed. I think there is much more of a difference with fathers. Older fathers seem much more into parenthood.

Post # 12
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

IMO younger mother get to grow with their children and be a part or understanding to popular trends such as electronics PS3 etc.  A younger parent will be viewed as more cool once the child hits teen years.

Post # 13
Member
3614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My mom got married at 20 and had me at 22. She gave me the same advice all my life “Wait do get married. Wait even longer to have kids.” I think she felt she missed out on a higher education and a career because of her choices. She also always said because they were just starting their lives and had no money, my childhood was very rough for them financially.

I’m 35 now and thinking about in a kid in the next 2-3 years. I finally feel mature enough, and have the financial means, but I’m seriously lacking on the energy dept. Sometimes I feel like I aged 30 years in the last 10. The biggest energy drainers are working full-time and commuting, but all I want to do when I get home is laze on the couch or sleep. My old partying self seems like another life!

Post # 14
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

I do not have kids yet, and honestly have no idea how I could do it! I have a hard time as it is keeping my life in order with a full-time job and going to school. My best friend is in nursing school, and is married with two kids at 23. God Bless her, that woman is a superwoman, but I can see that she is tired all the time. She always tells me…JUST WAIT TO HAVE KIDS, live a little first! I can’t wait to start a family, but I will head her advice and make sure I am at a financially stable part in my life first.

Post # 15
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

My mom had me in her very early 20’s and counseled me to wait because she had a tough time…but I really didn’t have any nurturing, maternal desire until quite recently (late 30’s). So I think being ‘ready’ and with someone who also is on the same page is the best. It happens to people at different times, doesn’t it?  I wouldn’t do it any differently personally but I completely see how it works for other people at different ages. I have planned to retire in mid or late 50’s so I think that will give me a few years to travel (while my child’s at college and beyond)  and enjoy, even though I’m a ‘late’ bloomer. 🙂 I would love to take trips with my young adult ‘child’ also, as my mom did with me.The difference is my mom was able to do it as part of her job and I would do it as a new retiree.

 

Post # 16
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I can give you viewpoints on both sides.

My parents were 21 and 23 when I was born. They were working hard to provide for me, and because of that, they really didn’t have a lot of time to spend with me. I didn’t go on vacations or join every club imaginable. But, the time I did spend with my parents was energetic and creative.

My parents were 34 and 36 when my sister was born (and there is only one kid in between us). My sister gets to do a lot more with my parents, but they’re more likely to be on the sidelines. Whereas my dad was my soccer coach, he can’t run around with my sister anymore. He’ll be 55 when my sister graduates high school. My sister has to rely on her friends and their parents more for “high energy” activities, because my parents just can’t do it anymore. Also, my mom had a LOT of problems with her pregnancy with my sister (including morning sickness, blood clots, and vericous veins), whereas she didn’t even know she was pregnant with me until 3 months (she had irregular periods).

Both of us have grown up/are growing up in good ways, but they’re very different. There’s a huge difference between younger and older parents, but they’re not necessarily bad. Younger parents tend to be closer and more in tune with their kids, but more fumbling and often on a lower budget. Older parents can provide more for their kids financially, but generally know their kids a bit less. Both are perfectly acceptable ways to raise kids though. I think it’s really about when the mother feels ready and comfortable to have kids – because that ultimately determines the kind of parenting a child will receive.

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