- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Bees, I desperately need advice… I want to apologize in advance for this rant, bc I know it will be all over the place.. Sorry, but my mind is so scrambled right now..
My FI called this morning and says he thinks we should postphone our wedding. WTF?! Our wedding that is 92 DAYS away!! I mean, WTF?! Our DESTINATION wedding (international not domestic). Seriously, WTF?! I am so confused and distraught, I have not stopped crying since…
We have been together for almost 4 years, engaged for 9 months. It should be noted that my wonderful parents are largely footing the bill for our wedding (about 60-70%)
His reasoning for wanting to postphone is absolutely, perfectly logical. About the time that I moved back to my hometown, FI had an accident that caused him to be out of work (not on hte job). The injury was severe enough that his doctor recommended disability bc he is not able to do the type of work that he used to/is trained to do. Disability claims can take anywhere from 6-18 months for approval/denial. During this time, of course he is unable to work. We continued to forge ahead with wedding plans, with him putting his input on things that were important to him and just agreeing with those that weren’t. Fast forward to this morning where he springs on me that we should postphone the wedding bc he is not working and cannot contribute to the wedding. But more importantly cannot contribute to our household once we are married becauses it is a man’s job to take care of his family/household. Seems responsible and logical right?
Ok, well here are my issues with this: 1. WHY FRIGGIN WAIT UNTIL WE ARE 3 MONTHS AWAY FROM OUR WEDDING DATE?!?! 2.) I have a good job where I will be more than able to support us. We may not be able to buy our dream home right off, but we would be renting before we did that anyway. 3.) We have no way of knowing if disability will be approved/when approved. What if it’s approved 3 weeks after wedding date? 4.)We lived together for almost 2 years, prior to move. During that time, he was unemployed (due to lay off) for about 3 months. I took care of household bills during that time. We never had a disagreement about it and when he went back to work he paid the bills for 2 months to ‘cover’ the time that he wasn’t working. 5.) Right now he is staying with his cousin while out of work. So, it is okay to live there and have cousin pay expenses, but not okay to live with your wife and have her pay expenses? 6.) He is concerned about not paying household bills upon our return, but how are we supposed to pay my parents back the deposits that they are going to lose? 7.) Maybe most importanty, this is NOT due to any fault of his own and will NOT be forever! Ladies, am I just being Selfish???? Am I setting us up for a life where financial strain will be the focus of our marriage?
I do not want to go into our marriage with him feeling resentful or like he was forced to go through with wedding. I think he feels like he is ‘less of a man’ if he is not taking care of things. Now, I am not saying that I don’t understand his feelings at all because I do. I guess I just feel like if he is unable to take care of things (again no fault of his own) then isn’t it my job to do it until he is able?
Also, since I do not think I will win this battle (as I cannot drag him onto the plane and force him to marry me if he feels so strongly) what is the protocol for telling guests that wedding is postphoned? And are we then responsible for any deposits that they have lost? We have about 35 guests that have booked rooms already and deposits are non-refundable. Don’t even get me started on flights and other deposits that are lost or money on decor, favors, OOT bags, etc…