(Closed) OMG, FI wants to put in input 6 days before the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee

Yikes! Good that he wants to be involved, but his timing could’ve been a LOT better! 

Post # 4
Hostess
7568 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

He probably didn’t think planning was important until the last minute. That’s frustrating, but I understand him wanting to know about what’s going to happen. I would try to have a calm talk with him about how you’re feeling. Hopefully he’ll realize if he restructures his requests as helping rather than overseeing, you guys can communicate better. 

Post # 5
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wow. Well, That’s hard. I’d ask him questions like, “Is the change important enough to you to waste X amount of dollars that we already spent?”

I’d ask, “Why not have programs?” I’d ask, “Why would the candy bar, which is dessert, be open before people are able to eat the food that X amount per person? I’d prefer not to spoil their appetites for our dinner.”

I’d tell him that I could try to run things by him, but some things have already been decided and cannot be changed because they have already been paid for. He’s gotta be aware of that, right?

Post # 6
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My FI is doing this too.. I d.k why they do it but I just kinda explain and try to handle it best and tell him he should have helped before and he lost his imput chance or I compromise to what he wants…kinda the only options.

but don’t stress to much about it just be glad that he IS getting engaged tward the end and does care.

Post # 9
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@actime:  This really doesn’t strike me as though he is truly concerned about all these details but rather, what is underneath, is that he wants to feel grounded. Six days before, he might be feeling out of sorts, anxious, excited, and so it is coming out in these weird ways: “Uhh, programs? What are the programs for?! Uhh…well, uh, let me know what’s going on!” He is probably wanting to feel more a part of it, reaching out because you’re in this together, but instead it came out all wrong with his, “our” wedding statement. Eek. I don’t blame you for being frustrated with him turning on all these light bulbs last minute, but do your best to reassure him. Connect with him. Perhaps this what he needs, lovingly, from you, even more now than before. 

Post # 10
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

six days before the wedding? obviously he’s gotten a bit of guff from someone.  if he says he wants to do this or that, say ok, do it, let me know how it’s going to work out. that’s the best way to pacify someone who wants to exert control, let them take it, but don’t micromanage it.

Post # 11
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Cornflakegirl:  I tend to agree. Obviously we don’t know the tone or way he asked these things, but it sounds like my fiance when wedding stuff actually became a reality for him – “What’s that for? Do we really need to do that? Why is it that way?”

Post # 12
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If the program’s haven’t been printed, and he’s saying he doesn’t want them, are you willing to let them go? He’s obviously doesn’t like them, for whatever strange reason. Although I agree that his timing is awful, you should allow him that tiny little bit of input if it means so much to him. The candy bar is another thing I’d perhaps let go. I wouldn’t want to be told when I could have sweets if I were a guest, perhaps that’s how he’s thinking. Ppl eating candy before 6pm is not the be all or end all. 

Post # 13
Member
3183 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Two days before our wedding the hubs started suggesting we incorporate God into our vows which we had previously discussed omitting. I was so angry. He also realized and became upset that we didnt have programs a week out. I told him to take that ball and run with it. Obviously never happened. PP is probably right he is probably just trying to feel grounded. Best of luck and congrats!

Post # 15
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@actime:  You’re welcome. I wish I’d had this perspective when I was going through it! I think my man was a Groomzilla! But I see now that he, too, needed reassuring. It sounds like you’ve  got the right idea balancing the reality (things are already printed, buddy!) with making him feel better. Best wishes! Excited for you and your day! 

Post # 16
Member
2963 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Why? The same reason why men wait until Christmas eve to go Christmas shopping – THEY think it’s in “plenty of time”. There is a lack of understanding of how long is takes to plan these things and how far in advance things must be arranged.

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